Page 43 of Pretty When It Burns (When The Lights Go Down #1)

Chapter forty

"Need You Most (So Sick)" - The Kid Laroi

Grayson

The funeral is over. Johanna and I are alone again.

The house has gone from smelling like a hospital to smelling like the deli aisle at the grocery store combined with old-lady perfume and bad wine. It feels more hollow now than it had when we first arrived.

I sit on the edge of the bed that used to be mine. My dresser is covered with unopened envelopes—sympathy cards, some estate paperwork from the lawyer, and the last of the bills from the funeral home. I can’t make myself deal with any of it.

My phone buzzes on the comforter beside me. I move a little too quickly, hoping to see the name I’ve been repeating on a loop for days. But it’s not her.

Incoming Call: Jake Crenshaw

I think about ignoring it, like I have with everyone else, but I know Jake well enough to know he’ll keep calling until I pick up. It’s easier to deal with him now.

“Yeah.”

There’s a pause. “Hey, man.” His voice is cautious. Like he isn’t sure what version of me he’s going to get. Very un-Jake like. “I know it’s not… a good time,” he continues. “But I needed to tell you something.”

I don’t say anything. There’s only one thing I want to hear, and I know this isn’t it.

“We got it,” Jake says. “The record deal. It’s done. Our lawyers approved it this afternoon. You’ll need to be in Austin in a few days to meet with the label and sign with the rest of the guys, plus there’s a show after to announce the deal and close out the tour.”

My heart doesn’t leap. My stomach doesn’t drop. This should’ve been one of the highlights of my life, and I don’t feel anything at all.

“That it?” I ask flatly.

I’m not sure what else to say. I know I should be excited, should be leaping off the bed to go pack my bags, but it feels like there’s a giant anvil sitting on my chest.

“You don’t have to pretend,” Jake says. “I know everything’s a mess over there. But this is huge, Grayson. You and the guys have been chasing a deal like this for over a decade. You need to be at this show.”

I swallow, my throat tight. “Yeah. I know. I will be.”

Jake hesitates. “I, uh… I tried Mia. She didn’t pick up. I just figured she’d want to know.”

I close my eyes. I’m not surprised. But it still fucking hurts.

“I told her to stay away,” I say quietly, the regret dripping from my voice. “She’s just doing what I told her to.”

Another moment of silence. “Yeah. That was an… interesting choice.”

I let out a breath. There isn’t anything else to say.

“She was the one holding it all together, you know?” Jake says after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence. “You might’ve been the voice, you guys all have talent, but she was the one who made it mean something.”

He doesn’t wait for me to respond. Just promises to text the flight details and the itinerary for the show in Austin. Then the line goes dead.

I toss my phone to the side and stare up at the ceiling. It doesn’t take long for the sound of heels on the creaking floorboards to arrive outside the door. Without knocking, Johanna pushes the door open and sits down beside me on the bed.

“I figured you’d still be in here,” she says, kicking off her shoes.

I don’t look at her. I’m still processing the phone call.

“I heard from Jake,” I say after a beat.

“Oh?”

I meet her gaze, finally. “The lawyers approved the deal. It’s almost official.”

Johanna blinks. “The record deal?”

“Yeah.”

A pause settles between us.

“Well, shit,” she says quietly. “That’s… major.”

I let out a dry laugh. “Seems pretty anticlimactic now.”

“I know it feels that way, Gray,” she murmurs. “But you made it. You should be celebrating.”

I look down at my hands. “It should’ve been everything. But I can’t feel a damn thing.”

Johanna is quiet for a long moment and we let the silence between us sink in.

“So, what now?” she asks.

“I’m supposed to go to Austin to sign with the guys, and there’s a show there to close out the tour—another arena, like in Miami. It’s the whole label announcement thing. Jake says I need to be there.” I glance up at her. “Mia didn’t answer when he called.”

Her eyes narrow. “Have you heard from her?”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “And I don’t blame her. I told her not to come, told her I didn’t want her around, and she listened. I don’t get to be upset about that.”

“So, what—you’re just gonna go to Austin alone?” Johanna asks. “Play a shitty show and blow up your deal because you’re too scared to admit you fucked up?”

“I did fuck up,” I say, probably sharper than I mean to. “You really think I don’t know that?”

“I think,” she says. “That you don’t know how to fix it. So you’ve convinced yourself it’s too late. But you don’t really know, do you?”

Maybe she’s right. Maybe I am just a coward.

Johanna rises from the bed and stands in front of me. She puts her hand on my shoulder and forces me to look at her head-on.

“I was wrong about her,” she admits. “I didn’t get it at first. I thought she was temporary, that you’d just use her to forget about Lily. She’d be another complication. But she’s not.”

“No,” I say quietly. “She’s not.”

“You want her in Austin.”

“More than anything.”

“But you don’t think she’d come if you asked.”

I nod.

“She probably wouldn’t,” Johanna says. “But she might if I did.”

“Joey...”

“She loves you,” she says simply. “And yeah, you’re being an idiot right now—but she still loves you. She showed up for you. For all of us. It’s time someone showed up for her.” She pulls out her phone and walks toward the door.

“I’m calling her,” she says over her shoulder. “You can thank me later.”