Page 183 of Preacher Man

"Yes." She panted. She couldn't think of a better word than yes.

Yes, fuck me. Yes, love me.Yes, to everything he offered in the depths of his gaze as he pulled her in, held her face and kissed her softly.Yes, Preacher.

Ruby was no longer that faltering woman living life on the borders, forever missing out on the good and the perfect, she was now living it.

She was Mrs, Asher Priest and she was saying yes.

To everything.

To life, to love and to the love of her life.

Yes, to her Preacher man.

EPILOGUE

“Hey, God. It’s Ruby Priest. The help I asked for? It was perfect … thank you.” – Ruby

Looking up at the early evening sky, no stars to be seen, Preacher felt his chest compress, the weight of what he was doing made him feel insignificantly smaller, a dot in the world and his brother looking down on him like the sultan he'd always been.

A great man. The best man. He’d always have that legacy, he’d make sure Seb and whatever kids he might have in the future grow up knowing they had a great uncle.

Sliding a hand into his jeans pocket he pulled out the single cigarette and lighter, letting them kiss he took a long pull inhaling the smoke.

"Last one, I promise. I mean it this time." And he did. Or he hoped to fuck he did. He and Ruby had a kid to take care of now, and who knows, maybe he'd knock her up with little Priests one of these days far in the future, he wanted his wife all to himself for a while yet, so he had to be around with two healthy working lungs, didn't he, to play catch and to run after naked toddlers who didn't want to get dressed on a morning for church. Fuck him, Ruby was gonna want him to go to church. He didn't even own a tie. The church would have to take him as he was or fuck it, he was already damned ten times over.

Preacher never assumed his PTSD would magically disappear, if only, he mused, this step was purely for his own heart, he'd held on too long.

Knowing when to let go was harder than doing it because you were acknowledging it needed to be done. And it fucking hurt right in his sternum.

Breathing in and out, he took a smoke and sent the plume into the atmosphere. "Have you looked at my lady and boy? You'd like them, she's far too good for my old ass, it’s as though I fell in pig shit and won the lotto. And the boy, Shane, fuck, he's about the best damn kid, smart, too. I think he takes after me with that." Preacher laughed shakily in his throat. "I'm gonna teach him bikes, just like you did for me, without all the beatings. I hope I can be as good of a dad as you were a brother."

Get on with it, Priest.He was stalling. Like it mattered. But it felt like it mattered. It fucking mattered to Preacher.

"I bet you're up there aren't you, Shaneo, on your glorified golden throne watching the Broncos, thinkingthank fuck, you melodramatic slow-ass, what took you so long?Yeah, you are. Gloating bonehead. I miss that about you." Preacher smiled "I would have liked to see you do better at this dead brother thing. I was running on zero exposure, cut me a break, okay? So here it is."

Fingers twitched until he had to drop the smoke or risk burning himself. Running both hands over his head, he inhaled and then exhaled. Why was this so damn hard? He couldn't breathe so good.

But it was the right thing. For him, for his life. For the life, he was making with Ruby and Seb, even for his parents and Tyler. The pain manifested in his chest, but the pain didn't always mean something bad. It said he was here, he was alive and he was no longer numb.

Letting go was daunting.

"I have to set myself free, bro. No more dwelling on what ifs, blaming myself and wishing we could change places. I have people relying on me now, people who need me, fuck, who I need. I need them so much, can you understand?" Preacher, keeping his shit together, inhaled hard enough he almost tasted the lining of a lung. He released it on a steady tremor, glancing up as if his brother’s face was just out of sight. He just bet Shane was smiling and saying;thank fuck, Ash.

His brother had been a good guy, wanting the best for everyone.

Knowing that, still, his heart burned with buried grief. "This is it, Shaneo, but only for now. You'll see this pretty face again one day. And prepare for me to beat your record in baseball, you better believe it's on. I've got sixty years of practice ahead of me."

With no more to say, he turned on his boots, the dirt in his backyard dry from the warm weather underfoot, the light of the kitchen and open back door warming in greeting to Preacher. He smiled and took the steps back to his family.

Stopped. There was one more thing he had to say. He had to get the words to come out. His voice tight, twisted in emotion, he cast a look skyward and sent a smile up. "Bye, brother, I’ll see you in the light. I love you."

And then Preacher walked through the door, listened to Ruby and Seb running around the lower half of the house laughing and squealing. He grinned locking up, to go join his family.

******

You can't judge a book by its pretty cover, Ruby reflected as she watched Preacher through the window, standing stock still in the middle of the backyard looking up at the sky every few minutes, because otherwise if you never get past the outer packaging you're cheating yourself on what could be an extraordinary book.

Take Preacher. That man made her crazy in the best way, she was so full of love it was ridiculous how she'd lived her adult life without him.