Page 121 of Preacher Man

Talking to his dead brother. If anything was going to have her bawling it was that.

Her poor Preacher man. Tears pricked the back of her eyes.

Tentatively, as though she was approaching a wild animal, she shuffled forward on her knees knowing the men had a good hold on Preacher's body immobilizing, her fingers shaking, her whole fucking body shaking, she reached out and touched his throat, felt his pulse hammering so wildly it was a wonder his heart could cope with the increase of blood it was pumping out "Hey there, Preacher man, come on back now, baby, you don’t have to be there, come on back."

His fear was hers. It was a knot in her stomach. Powerless, this what it truly felt like to not know what to do for someone you loved, like the very next minutes would make all the difference to the future. It was imperative he return. As she held his face, she had the sense she was holding her whole entire world.

Oh god.

She loved him.

She’d fallen in love with her fuck buddy. Her belly lurched even as she moved closer to touch him, trying desperately to soothe the pain etched in his skin, she couldn’t think of her feelings, Preacher was all that mattered.

"Get down! get down!" He hissed through gritted teeth, and let go of the most vicious blood-curdling scream she'd ever heard. Rider was murmuring words to him by his ear, Grinder had him around the torso. Ruby focused solely on Preacher's face, watching the rapidness of his massive chest inflating and the way pressure sweat popped out along his forehead, running in a slow drip down his jaw to gather in his beard, her hand went to his cheek, stroking gently, no clue what she was doing, other than she needed to touch him, to try to calm the beast within.

They’d all sprang into action as if they’d practiced it like a fire drill, but she was batting with no experience except for the instinct to help someone in obvious pain, someone she cared for, more than she realized.

"Why did you do it, Shaneo? You could have had something good, now you're just dead!" Pain rough with torture. The disquietude carved in every line on his face tore a new ache inside her chest, he was a brand-new person, a broken man.

"I know, I'm such a fucking asshole, Ash." She answered and a split-second Preacher paused in his struggle, his unfocused eyes looking square at her but she guessed he wasn't seeing her at all, his mind was someone far away in a war-torn country witnessing the loss of his brother all over again.

The place that had destroyed him. Whatever she'd said had made him blink. She went with it. "I should have listened to you, jackass move, right?" Her fingers moved against his strong jaw. Willing him to come back to her. He weakened a little, shoulders sagging forward, his chest deflating. He leaned forward on his knees, and Rider dropped his arm from around his neck but stayed in grabbing distance. She wasn’t fearful for herself, only for Preacher, she kept his face in her hands, brought him in, let him rest his forehead to hers, his rough choppy breathing brushing her face.

"I miss you, brother. I fucking miss you."

Oh, her heart. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.

"I miss you, too. But you need to come back now, it's the right thing to do and you always do right don't you, Ash?"

“I’m sorry, Shaneo. So, fucking sorry. Should be me.” He looked at Ruby like he was begging her for forgiveness. Begging Shane for forgiveness.

No, it shouldn’t be you, Asher, or I wouldn’t have you now.

This great man, this big strong man on his literal knees begging with tears in his eyes for something that he could never get from the person himself, it was about the most painful thing she’d ever witnessed.

She wanted to give him the world. She wanted to grant him peace.

“You don’t get to decide that, Asher. I wouldn’t want it to be you, and stop saying sorry you, big pussy.” She hoped it was something his brother would have said. A noise rattled his chest that sounded like a laugh. “Time to wake up, Ash, let it go, that’s it, breathe and let it drift away. You’ve carried this burden too long on your own, put it down now and let me make it better.” She spoke as the woman who loved him.

Their foreheads together, Ruby caressed the side of his neck, every cord was tense, but as the minutes ticked back and his manic state lessened, his muttering ceased he began to droop bodily, his breaths regulated until he took one long inhale and she felt his hands touch her waist. “Babe.”

There he was.Holy fuck.Ruby had never been so terrified as this last five minutes, even less, but god, it felt never ending, trapped in Asher’s nightmare with him.

“I’m good, buddy.” He told Grinder hoarsely, who palmed the back of Preacher’s head in a bro-show of affection before he rose to his feet, staring down at Ruby incredulously looking just as shell shocked.

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.

A storm of pain passed through his dark eyes, color staining his cheeks. Ruby wanted to enfold him in her arms, he looked up and caught her staring at him. Shame clear to see, his head went back down.

“Yeah, babe.” He seemed to struggle with working his bones, as if his emotional break had taken all his energy, he rose slowly, avoiding her eyes, only looking at the general direction she was at. “I gotta take a piss.”

Every one of her feelings and emotions were bubbling over the surface as she watched his fast stride away. She watched him until he was out of sight, only then letting out a ragged breath before she got to her feet, rubbing both hands on her face. Fuck, she felt like cracked glass. Most everyone dispersed. Only Grinder remained behind.

“We’ve never thought to talk back at him like that.”

She shrugged embarrassed under his watchful gaze. What Ruby wanted to do was follow Preacher, to check he was fine. “I thought he could do with answers, even if it wasn’t from the person he wanted them from.”

“Damn, babe. You did fucking good, you hear?” Caught in a fast hug, so unexpected she paused, stiff as a board before patting his back awkwardly. “Thanks for helping him. He’s a pain in my ass most times but I hate to see him lost like that.”