Page 8 of Pieces into Place (Moonflower Cove Romance #16)

Blake

B lake had been debating when to go home since the moment Alexis left the library. She knew she should have never let her walk away. Going after her and begging for her forgiveness was what she should have done. Instead, Blake had been wallowing in self-pity for hours.

And running into her mother hadn’t helped.

At all.

For a moment, Blake thought about collapsing into her mother’s embrace and letting her hold her while she cried and told her what happened.

She wanted Isla to hug her and tell her it was all going to be okay.

Because Blake would have believed her. Blake had seen how comforting her mom could be to her siblings and to her own kids.

Even to Alexis. Isla and Vera were the best moms and yet Blake couldn’t allow herself to be loved by them.

Because for Blake, she didn’t feel worthy enough to be a Mackenzie.

Mackenzies were open with each other and fiercely loved each other.

Blake didn’t know how to do that. Her father was never openly affectionate to her.

He never told her he loved her and sure as hell never showed he did.

She’d been raised a Calloway and stuck in that mindset no matter how much she wanted to burn down her past life in order to have a new life with her family.

Her family.

The family that, for whatever reason, still loved her.

The Mackenzies.

Growing up, Blake had to deal with every problem in her life on her own.

She had to find the solutions and work through them without the help of any parental guidance or support.

Blake got used to it to the point it was a daily struggle to even let Alexis help her.

Letting people help her navigate the world felt like a weakness, and Blake had been trained to never let her weaknesses show.

Ben Calloway would roll over in his grave if he knew his daughter had been walking down the street crying earlier. But Blake hadn’t been able to control it. She’d gotten lunch at Carlson’s Cafe before wandering around downtown to clear her mind.

It didn’t work.

All it did was make Blake more keenly aware of how unworthy of love she was. She didn’t deserve it from her mom for reasons too numerous to name. She didn’t deserve it from Vera; they barely knew each other. And now she didn’t deserve it from Alexis.

Why Blake ever lied to her about therapy would haunt her until the day she died.

Alexis didn’t deserve that. Especially not when she had done nothing but love and support Blake since the day they met.

Sure, they had their rocky points, but what couple didn’t?

But that still wasn’t an excuse for Blake to lie to her. That much she knew as an absolute fact.

If she could have it to do over, she would tell Alexis how overwhelming everything had slowly been becoming. And she sure as hell wouldn’t have shut her out or lied to her.

How could I have been so stupid ?

Blake mentally kicked herself as she drove down the road.

She’d driven by the turn to their road for over an hour, not being able to turn down it and head home.

Alexis was undoubtedly home by now and it was before the kids’ bedtime, so they would still be awake.

But the longer Blake waited, the harder she knew it would be.

Ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid, Blake turned down their street.

The front porch light was glowing softly in the sun’s absence.

Blake didn’t realize how much she missed California until moving to Canada and then Maine.

Nighttime fell so quickly in the fall and winter there.

But at least it matched Blake’s mood. Along with the rain still coming down, it was all just the icing on top of her shitty day.

She parked the car in the driveway as she inhaled sharply.

It was harder to do these days with her expanding waistline, and Blake put her hand on her stomach.

Blake felt like a part of her was broken as she thought about the baby inside her.

The disconnect between her and the baby was something Blake had never expected to happen.

Especially not when Alexis, Mason, and even Emily had loved being pregnant and connecting with the babies inside of them.

Pushing that thought down along with the million other ones fogging her mind, Blake headed inside the house.

The kids were in their pajamas watching a movie around the TV.

Blake stopped into the living room and kissed them each on the head before going into the kitchen where she found Alexis.

She was wrapping a present that Blake knew was for Isla.

Walking over to the kitchen island, Blake stood across from Alexis as she waited for a beat to say anything.

After all, what could she say to make lying to Alexis better?

“Hey. ”

“Hey.” Alexis didn’t look up from wrapping the present. “I’m glad you came home.”

“I’m so sorry, Lex.”

Alexis nodded toward the living room, which they could see thanks to the open concept of the house. “Let’s talk once they go to bed.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Nodding, Blake hung her bag on the closest chair before going back to the living room. She picked up Archer and put him on her lap as they sat in the recliner. Blake gently rocked them as Archer snuggled with her.

Although she’d always wanted kids, there was a time in Blake’s life when she didn’t think they were in the cards for her.

But that was back when work was the most important thing in her life.

She was so used to going from job to job, from set to set that the idea of settling down with a wife and kids slowly got pushed to the back of her mind.

It wasn’t until she came to Cove and met Alexis and Harper that those dreams came back to the forefront of her mind.

And those dreams had only become a reality because of Isla and Vera’s letters.

If Blake had never found the letters in her father’s attic, she would have never come to the Cove.

She would never have fallen in love with Alexis.

She could have never been a mama to Harper, Archer, and Reese.

Blake kissed her baby boy’s head as he kept fighting sleep.

Looking over at the couch, she soaked in the sight of Harper and Reese cuddled up together.

Harper was the best big sister, and it made Blake long for the days when she and Mason were kids.

There weren’t many memories Blake had with her mom and sister before the divorce. What she remembered was vague and fuzzy. But one memory constantly stayed tucked in the back of Blake’s brain for when she needed to relive the days gone by. Days that, at the time, she never thought would end .

She was four, maybe five, and lying in bed with Isla and Mason.

Blake was on one side of Isla with Mason on the other, her arms wrapped around each of them as she read them a story.

The memory of what story was lost to time but that wasn’t what Blake remembered.

All she remembered was how safe she felt in Isla’s arms. How loved her mom always made her feel.

Blake hoped her kids felt the same way.

A wave of emotion washed over Blake as she imagined what it would be like if someone took one of her kids away from her.

She couldn’t stand the thought and quickly pushed it out of her mind as bedtime arrived.

Alexis carried Reese to her room, Blake carried a sleeping Archer to his.

Harper followed them, saying goodnight to her sister first before her brother.

As Blake put Archer in his bed, she kissed his cheek.

“I love you, Archie.”

“Love you, Mama,” he yawned as he cuddled his favorite plain dinosaur.

“Night, brother.” Harper kissed his cheek, just like Blake had.

“Night, sissy.”

“Goodnight, buddy.” Turning on the nightlight, Blake put her hand on Harper’s back as they walked out of the room.

She pulled the bedroom door closed quietly before following Harper upstairs to her room.

Tucker, their golden retriever, followed them.

He spent every night by Harper’s bed, and Blake loved the added peace of mind he brought her.

Blake couldn’t believe Harper was ten. She was still the same loving kiddo that Blake had met five years ago, but she was starting to get a pre-teen attitude that had her and Alexis both cringing and laughing.

As Harper climbed into bed, Blake tucked her in before sitting on the edge of the bed.

She tenderly tucked her hair behind her ears as she smiled at her .

“I love you, Harper.”

“I love you, too, Mama.” She cocked her head at her. “How’s the baby?”

“The baby is good.”

Picking up Harper’s hand, Blake placed it on her stomach. Harper had been eagerly awaiting to feel the baby move, but even Blake hadn’t felt that yet. Dr. Jacobs had told her that was normal, especially for her first pregnancy. Still, Blake was eager for it to happen.

“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” Harper asked, as she did at least once a week, it seemed. “I think it’s a girl.”

“You do, hmm?”

“Yup. What do you think, Mama?”

“I think it’s going to be a cute baby, just like you.” She playfully tickled Harper as she giggled. The sound was music to Blake’s ears and did wonders to her hurting soul.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Alexis standing in the doorway.

She was leaned up against the doorframe, watching them with a sweet smile on her face.

Alexis had never looked more beautiful to Blake than she did in that moment with her Santa Claus pajamas she never stopped wearing from last Christmas and her hair up in a bun.

“Sleep well, baby.”

Blake kissed Harper’s forehead as she stood. Alexis walked over to Harper, wishing her goodnight before they both left their eldest child’s room. Once they were alone again in the kitchen, Alexis sighed. Blake knew she was waiting for her to say something, but Blake didn’t know where to start.

“I’m so sorry, Lex.”