Page 3 of Pieces into Place (Moonflower Cove Romance #16)

Blake

B lake Holland couldn’t escape the overwhelming feeling that she was letting everyone in her life down.

From her wife to her kids to her parents to even herself, everyone seemed to rely on Blake for more than she could give them.

Especially since most days she felt like an absolute failure.

After trying for the better part of the last three years to produce her own movie, Blake had all but given up on that dream.

She tried to tell herself it was okay. That maybe the actress phase of her life was over and it was time to fully embrace her new favorite role as mama .

Of course, the baby growing inside her might have some say over her emotions these days.

Pregnancy had taken more from Blake than she had expected to give, leaving her feeling even more useless than before becoming pregnant.

It didn’t help matters that her wife, Alexis, was an absolute superwoman when she was pregnant with their twins.

Blake felt as if she could never compare to the mother that Alexis was. No matter how hard she tried.

And Blake had tried. She’d naively believed that being pregnant would feel like the most amazing and natural thing in the world to her.

Blake had seen how much Alexis loved being pregnant and having their babies, and even her sister Mason hadn’t complained too much during her pregnancy with her son.

It was also something Blake wanted. So why she felt so disconnected from her pregnancy was confusing to Blake.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t want the baby.

She desperately did. Blake and Alexis had done reciprocal IVF, so Blake was carrying Alexis’s egg.

They had gone through three transfers before Blake became pregnant, which was two more than Alexis had gone through with the twins.

She would be lying to herself if Blake hadn’t wondered if that was a sign she shouldn’t get pregnant.

After all, she and Alexis had three amazing kids already.

Harper was ten and the center of everyone’s attention.

She loved puzzles and LEGO and performing at the local community theater with her Aunt Ellie.

Reese and Archer were two and asking a million questions a day.

Blake loved their curiosity and being able to see herself in them.

She also loved watching Alexis be their mommy.

Alexis was made to be a mom. There was no doubt about that in Blake’s mind.

Alexis was so intuitive with their kids, often knowing what they needed before they asked.

Blake, on the other hand, always felt she was a step behind Alexis in the parenting department.

She loved her kids fiercely, but she couldn’t help but notice all three of them would go to Alexis first if they were hurt or needed help.

Although Blake tried not to let it get to her, it was also impossible to ignore.

To top it all off, Blake had been too scared to admit her feelings aloud to anyone.

Even Alexis. Just like she was too scared to tell her that she hadn’t been going to therapy for the last few months.

Blake had stopped going when they were trying to get pregnant, telling herself she was fine.

She’d been wrong. She could admit that. At least to herself.

No one else knew she spent her therapy time at the library working on a script for a movie she doubted would ever see the light of day .

Sighing, Blake squeezed her eyes shut as she massaged her temples.

She’d been typing away at her computer for nearly an hour and barely had six hundred words.

Maybe she wasn’t meant to be a writer. Or a producer.

Or a director. Everything she’d tried to do other than acting had failed.

It gnawed at Blake that she wasn’t working to support her family.

They were basically living off her savings from previous jobs, but she knew sooner rather than later that money would run out.

Especially with the multiple IVF rounds, four kids, and daily expenses.

The weight of it all pressed heavily on Blake’s shoulders.

At thirty-six, the only job she’d ever had was as an actress.

She’d been working in front of the camera since she was five and never once thought she might need more skills than hitting the mark and memorizing lines.

At least not until she walked away from the career to move to Moonflower Cove.

Back then, Blake’s only reason for moving to the Cove was to reconnect with her mom, Isla.

A wave of guilt washed over her again at realizing how far the two of them still needed to go in their relationship.

And that was all Blake’s fault.

She’d moved to the Cove for her mom, yes, but she hadn’t planned on meeting Alexis Holland.

Falling in love with Alexis and raising their family together had been the highlight of Blake’s life.

Blake had no regrets about that, but she did regret how she’d kept her mom at arm’s length since arriving in town.

Isla tried so hard to break down Blake’s wall, but Blake was scared.

Being unconditionally loved by a parent wasn’t something Blake was used to.

Blake knew that wasn’t an excuse, though.

She was an adult and more than capable of facing her past to reconcile things with her mother.

Her siblings adored her mom and Vera and Blake desperately wanted that too.

She just didn’t know how to get that ball rolling without breaking down her walls, and that scared the shit out of her.

The walls were there to keep her safe. Only Alexis had the key to get in and Blake kept her there with her along with the kids so they could all be safe in their own bubble.

Or trapped.

Whichever it was, Blake knew eventually she’d have to have the hard talks with Isla.

They were way past due and Isla had been relatively patient in waiting for them to happen.

But since it seemed to all be in Blake’s court as to when , the conversations kept getting pushed off.

Moving in with Alexis, their wedding, adopting Harper, and having the twins had all taken precedence over healing the relationship with her own mother.

The woman who loved her since the day she was born.

Putting her hand on her slightly round belly, Blake thought about the baby growing inside of her.

She was sixteen weeks and so far everything had gone smoothly.

The baby was growing right on track, as was Blake.

Blake was still getting used to her new body, but she enjoyed watching the changes happen.

Even if they were uncomfortable at times.

Like how her stomach felt tight as it expanded to accommodate the growing baby, or how she had the most insane heartburn of her life every time she laid down.

It was all new to Blake, but she was trying to enjoy it. Swollen ankles and all.

A reminder popped up on her computer for her OB appointment in half an hour.

Blake had been surprised by the lack of appointments she had to go to versus how many Alexis had to do with the twins.

While Alexis was there almost weekly it seemed, Blake was only scheduled for once a month until her third trimester.

Of course, Alexis had reminded her often that if she used Vera as her OB, they could have probably snuck in a few more ultrasounds to see their baby.

A part of Blake wondered if she made a mistake by choosing Dr. Avery Jacobs over Vera.

Vera had considerably more experience and was highly requested among people in the Cove.

Dr. Jacobs was relatively new, having joined Taylor Memorial Hospital a few years ago.

She’d been Blake’s physician since she moved to the Cove, and even performed the egg retrieval that led to their twins.

Maybe she was too much in her own head, but Blake didn’t want Vera to be that intimate with her, even in a professional setting.

Over the last five years, Blake and Vera had never found a comfortable relationship.

Blake always felt as if Vera was judging her, expecting her to be like Mason or one of her other kids.

But Blake never seemed to meet Vera’s high expectations.

There was also a part of Vera that seemed to harbor anger toward Blake, which Blake always assumed she deserved.

She had treated Isla like crap since moving to the Cove and barely let her into her life beyond a casual nature.

Ugh.

Closing her laptop with a groan, Blake stuffed it into her computer bag before leaving the library.

The hospital was only a few blocks away, but she drove since she was supposed to be in therapy.

Alexis was meeting her there after dropping the twins off with some friends for the afternoon.

Blake parked the car near the OBGYN office that sat beside the hospital.

She liked not having to go into the hospital, as they always gave her anxiety.

Alexis pulled into the spot beside her and waved as she’d exited the car.

She had her hair pulled back with a sweatshirt and sweatpants on.

It was a typical Alexis look, and not much different from Blake’s attire.

She’d chosen yoga pants and a sweatshirt for the day before leaving the house earlier.

Holding out her arms, she pulled Alexis into a hug.

“I missed you.”

“I saw you like two hours ago.”

“That was forever ago,” Alexis giggled as she took Blake’s hand. “How was therapy? ”

“Good,” she answered too quickly. She hated lying to her wife and knew that she had to tell her the truth. Soon.