Page 16 of Pieces into Place (Moonflower Cove Romance #16)

Blake

B axter Tree Farm was the perfect place to unwind after a hectic Thanksgiving.

Blake and Alexis had piled the kids up into their SUV and headed for the farm while the sun was still high in the sky.

The kids had a blast playing on the playground and in the snow while Alexis and Blake had walked hand in hand through the array of vendors, marveling at the handmade items and baked goods.

As the sun set, the family hopped aboard a wagon pulled by a tractor as an older man dressed as Santa Claus drove them around the tree farm.

Reese was sitting on Blake’s lap as they cuddled under the warm blanket Alexis had brought with them.

Archer sat on Alexis’s lap, while Harper sat wedged between them.

They sang Christmas songs, led by the Santa imposter, as the kids seemed to have a great time.

Blake smiled at Alexis, wondering if she was thinking the same thing Blake was.

That next year, they would have a new baby to share their family tradition with.

Traditions were never something that Blake had.

Her father barely celebrated her birthday or even Christmas, which was why she wasn’t looking forward to the latter event in a couple of weeks.

At least her birthday had been overshadowed slightly by Emily being just three days away from having Finley.

Isla and Vera were too preoccupied with that event to have a big fanfare event for Blake’s birthday.

Instead, she and Alexis had taken the kids to Bar Harbor for the weekend to celebrate by themselves.

With Christmas quickly approaching, Blake hoped the holiday went as smoothly as Thanksgiving had.

Blake had been beyond nervous about spending the holiday with her entire family after the blowup that happened at Isla’s birthday.

Thankfully, though, the day had been pretty pleasant.

They’d had lunch at the Mackenzies and stayed until close to the kids’ bedtimes.

The whole family played board games and chatted about the goofiest topics until they were all laughing.

Even Blake. She had to admit that she had a great time that day.

Even if the suffocating reminder of every holiday she’d missed out on tried to overtake her.

Blake didn’t know how long she would struggle with that.

Maybe forever. It was a pain so ingrained in her soul that she didn’t know how to just let it go.

How could she accept that she’d missed out on being a Mackenzie through no fault of her own? It wasn’t fair.

Nuzzling her face against Reese’s cheek, Blake kissed her daughter. She looked more like Mason than Blake, which was something everyone seemed to point out. Blake could still see herself in both Reese and Archer, though. They both had the Mackenzie smile and eyes, just like Blake.

Blake wondered if the baby growing inside of her would look like Alexis and Harper.

Alexis had essentially cloned herself with Harper.

Aside from their hair and eye colors being different, they looked exactly the same.

Same build, same smile, same personality.

Since the baby Blake was carrying was one of Alexis’s eggs, she hoped those genes would carry on with the new baby.

They had used the same sperm donor as they had with Reese and Archer, so Blake had hoped their genes would overpower the donor’s again.

As the tractor pulled the wagon back around the entrance of the farm, Alexis helped the kids off before helping Blake.

She felt like a whale as she carefully took the few steps off the back of the wagon.

Her center of gravity was nowhere near where it used to be and she hadn’t gotten used to it yet.

Alexis put her hand on Blake’s lower back to steady her.

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah,” Blake rubbed her stomach. “I just can’t get used to this belly.”

“Just you wait,” Alexis laughed as she looped her arm around Blake’s. “At least you’re not carrying twins. But I know even with one it’s different, especially when it’s your first.”

“It’s so weird that she is my fourth kid and yet first pregnancy.”

“You’re welcome.” Winking, Alexis playfully kissed Blake’s cheek.

Hand in hand, they followed behind the kids as they walked through the rows of trees searching for the perfect Holland family tree.

Blake loved the tradition of picking out the tree and taking it home to decorate.

She didn’t love the allergies it brought or the fact she was ready to toss it out the day after Christmas.

But Alexis loved having a real tree and Blake loved Alexis, so she would sacrifice her sinuses every year for Alexis.

Besides, she could admit the real tree looked much better than the artificial ones her father always put up for the holiday.

Blake hated that Ben Calloway was on her mind so much these days.

Although he’d passed away over five years ago, it still felt like last month to Blake at times.

Ben went from being diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer to dying only three weeks later.

She still felt the whiplash of not only dealing with her long-running TV show being canceled but also losing her father.

The pain and loneliness from that time came creeping back into her memory.

The hospital room was full of beeping sounds as she rushed in.

Ben was in the hospital bed, looking like a shell of his former self.

He struggled to breathe, which the doctors had told her would happen.

Blake felt helpless as the nurses stood around her father, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Taking her father’s hand, Blake squeezed it.

“Dad?” She waited a beat for Ben to respond or simply look at her. When his gray eyes shifted toward her, Blake smiled at him. “I’m here.”

“Blake?”

“Dad,” she sobbed, feeling her heart shattering. “I’m here. I love you.”

Ben died soon after. She never got the tearful final moments with her father she’d hoped she would.

Blake wasn’t even sure he’d heard her say she loved him.

After the doctor called the time of death, Blake fell to her knees and cried.

Her father, the only family she had at the time, was gone. How did she move forward?

Shaking the memory from her head, Blake put it back into the little box where she kept painful memories. While Alexis knew that story, Isla didn’t. Blake often wondered if she should tell Isla that, but she always told herself Isla wouldn’t care how her ex-husband died.

Alexis squeezed her hand. “Are you sure everything is okay? Your mind seems like it’s a million miles away.”

“Sorry,” Blake shook her head again. “Just got a lot going on in my mind.”

“Anything I can help with?” Alexis took a few steps in front of Blake before turning around and taking hold of the open ends of Blake’s jackets.

It was too small for Blake to zip up over her stomach, but she liked the way Alexis pulled her closer in a sexy way with it.

Her belly pressed into Alexis’s as they both giggled.

“I can’t believe you’re halfway through your pregnancy. ”

“It’s been a crazy journey, that’s for sure.”

“How are you doing with the holidays stress and pregnancy stress all piling up together?”

Blake sighed, shrugging. “I dunno. I’ve been trying not to think about it, honestly.”

“That’s my little avoider,” Alexis playfully teased, but her eyes were more serious. “You know you can tell me anything, right? We promised no more lying or keeping things from each other, remember?”

“I remember.”

“Good.”

Taking Blake’s hand again, they followed the kids down another row of trees.

Archer and Reese were trying to find Harper, who had disappeared into the labyrinth of trees.

Of course, her giggles made it easy for her younger siblings to find her.

And when they did, all three of them laughed as another one took their turn to hide.

Although Archer and Reese were only two, they both acted much older than their age.

Blake assumed it was because they never played like babies because as soon as they could, they wanted to play with whatever Harper was playing with.

When Alexis or Blake would read Harper books, the twins were always right there listening.

They both knew the alphabet and could count to ten, and Blake had to keep herself from sharing that information with her friends whose kids weren’t as advanced at two.

“I was just thinking about my dad,” she admitted, not knowing why she brought up her dad. Alexis bumped her shoulder into Blake’s as they walked, letting Blake know she was listening. “We never had traditions like this. I’m glad we’re able to make them for our kids.”

“Me, too. And I know you miss your dad. That’s okay. I’m sorry if I haven’t made it seem like it was okay to miss him. I know your relationship with him was so complicated, and I’ve tried to respect and understand that.”

“You’ve done amazing, Lex. Trust me. It’s just hard to talk about him in the light of everything I learned after his death.

Like,” Blake crossed her arms over her belly, “why would he tell me Isla didn’t want me?

Why would he keep her and Vera’s letters from me?

I don’t understand. I was basically being held captive by his lies, so why don’t I hate him more than I do? ”

“Because he was still your dad.” Alexis shrugged.

“My dad and I were never close, but I miss him now that he’s gone.

And it’s harder when you don’t have closure.

I truly think if your dad was still alive when you found those letters, that you might have been able to get that.

But now, I don’t know. I wish I did, though. ”

“Me, too,” Blake sighed. “Thanks for not judging me for missing him.”

“Never, babe. Never.”

“You know,” she laughed at the memory forming in her mind, “he wasn’t much of a cook and didn’t care for holidays. But every Christmas he’d make us turkey sandwiches, and we’d watch Christmas movies together. It wasn’t much, but I still remember that.”

“I love that. Maybe we could do that with the kids. If you want. That way, we can bring a piece of your dad into our home.”

“I’d like that.”

“Then it’s settled.” Alexis leaned in and kissed Blake’s cheek softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Mommy! Mama!” Harper came running over to them with a panicked look in her eyes. Archer was trailing behind her, but Blake didn’t see Reese. “We can’t find Reese.”

Instantly, Blake’s stomach dropped as her heart rate skyrocketed. She and Alexis bolted to where the kids had been playing a few feet away as they called out her name. Blake could feel her palms sweating as she searched down several rows for Reese.

Where is she? Why would she run off like this? She knows better. What if someone took her?

With that thought, her stomach sank again. Blake felt like throwing up, but kept running through the rows of trees, looking for her baby girl.

Was this what Mom felt like when Dad took me?

Her memories of that time were so fuzzy.

Blake couldn’t remember much of what happened before her father drove them across the country without looking back.

But the thing she did remember was how tightly Isla hugged her the last time she saw her.

Or Blake assumed it was the last time she saw her.

She didn’t have any memories of her mom after that that she could recall.

That thought only added to the sick feeling in her stomach.

“Blake!” Alexis called out from several yards away. “We found her!”

Running toward Alexis’s voice, Blake saw Reese crying on her shoulder as Harper and Archer held onto her legs.

As she reached Alexis, Reese reached out for her.

Blake quickly took her as Reese wrapped her arms around Blake’s neck and waist. She cried into Blake’s shoulder as they held onto each other as their lives depended on it.

“It’s okay, honey.” Blake kissed her cheek. “Mama’s here. You’re safe, Reese. I love you.”

The same memory from before came crashing into Blake. Isla was holding her tightly as she kissed her cheek.

“It’s going to be okay, Blake. Mommy’s going to protect you. Don’t worry, honey. It’s all going to be okay. I love you.”

Blake could see the tears on Isla’s face as she squeezed her eyes shut.

The memory was from before their final court ruling.

Although she hadn’t been in the courtroom, she’d sat outside with her Aunt Nora, Mason, and her cousin while the judge made his decision.

She could still remember hearing Isla’s loud sobbing through the door as the ruling was announced.

Everything happened so quickly after that Blake couldn’t piece all the pieces together anymore. She remembered being ushered away by her father, despite calling out for her mommy. Blake held on to Reese tighter, never wanting to let any of her kids out of her sight again.

Holding her arm out to Alexis, Blake pulled her into a hug as well.

Alexis picked up Archer, who snuggled between them as he held onto Alexis.

Harper stood between them, her arms wrapped around Blake’s waist. She hadn’t noticed how much she had been sobbing until Alexis wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“She’s okay,” Alexis reassured her as she put a hand on her shoulder. “She’s okay. Everything is okay.”

Blake nodded, unable to say anything else as she held onto her family.

And everything her father had told her about Isla came crashing down around her.

Every lie about how she didn’t want her.

Every time he told her she would reach out if she still cared.

She knew it was all a lie. A lie her father concocted to control her.

But Blake was done being controlled by the demons and lies of her past. It was time for her to reclaim her future.