Page 6 of Pieces into Place (Moonflower Cove Romance #16)

Blake

B eing holed up in her home office wasn’t Blake’s ideal way of spending an afternoon.

Especially not one that was dark and gloomy and rainy.

And especially not when Alexis and their friend Maddie Carlson were doing crafts with Archer and Reese in the kitchen.

Judging from their excited giggling and chatting, they were having an amazing time together.

Blake, however, was not having a good time.

She was trying to focus on getting more words onto the page, but they weren’t flowing like they had been.

Her script was halfway done and her characters were smack in the middle of a huge argument.

Which felt fitting, since everything recently seemed to set Blake off.

She’d been blaming her hormones for her attitude, but Blake knew they were only partially to blame.

The anger and frustration she felt had been bubbling up for months—no, years— and it was all finally coming to a head.

Whether or not Blake was ready for that.

All the demons and unresolved trauma from her past were making their way to the surface, and Blake was going to have to face them sooner rather than later.

Later sounded like the better option to her. She had to focus on work and growing a baby .

The latter had been harder than Blake had expected.

Alexis had handled pregnancy like a badass, and Blake had naively thought she could do the same.

But every new milestone in pregnancy seemed to humble Blake more.

Morning sickness had kicked her ass. Her expanding waistline felt tight and itchy all the time.

And, to top it all off, she still felt disconnected from the baby inside of her.

Blake kept hoping that eventually she would connect with the baby.

She loved the baby, yes, but her mind couldn’t fully register that their child was inside her.

Maybe it would feel more real when she could feel the baby move.

At least that’s what Blake kept telling herself. One day it would happen.

Just like one day, she’d have a better relationship with Isla.

And Vera.

And Mason.

And Ellie and Brayden and Everleigh.

And, hell, Alexis.

She felt the guiltiest about Alexis. Alexis was her wife, and Blake loved her with every fiber of her being.

Not only was she Blake’s rock, but she was also always there for their kids anytime they needed her.

Blake knew her life without Alexis would be miserable, and she never wanted to imagine a moment without her in it.

Which did little to explain why Blake had been lying to her about going to therapy.

Blake hated herself for lying. Hated how she couldn’t just admit her shortcomings and let Alexis help her through the mentally tough time she was going through.

Maybe it was the years of having to parent herself and hide her emotions.

Or maybe it was because she’d been acting since she was five and knew too well how to hide her true feelings.

But whatever it was, Blake needed to fix it. She knew that much.

Just not right now .

After all, Maddie was over and Alexis seemed to be having a great day. So did the kids. She didn’t want to interrupt that by telling Alexis she was depressed and not going to therapy.

No, now’s not the time.

Besides, she was supposed to be at therapy in a half hour.

And her mother’s birthday party was set for the next day.

Blake didn’t know how she was going to mentally prepare for that event with so little time left to spare.

Being around all her family overwhelmed Blake as it wasn’t something she was used to.

Birthdays and holidays weren’t celebrated in the Calloway house in a big fashion.

Raises, however, were highly celebrated.

Blake hated how she had to deconstruct so much of what her father had taught her.

So much of her very core could have been so different if she were raised by Isla instead of Ben.

But Blake wasn’t given that option and that would bother her forever.

It wasn’t fair and now that she was older and understood how much she truly missed out on. It made her so damn sad it hurt.

God, I can’t do this today.

Pushing her feelings aside, as she often did, Blake put her laptop and phone into her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Her back ached as she stood from the office chair and she put her hand on her lower back for comfort.

Maybe I’ll go to a chiropractor instead of the library.

Walking out of the office, Blake headed toward the kitchen.

She watched Alexis with their kids before she saw her.

Alexis looked so happy as she dipped Archer’s hand into the paint before putting it on a piece of paper.

They were making hand turkeys by the looks of it, which was fitting with the holiday only a few weeks away.

Maddie was helping Reese add feathers made from construction paper to her turkey as Blake walked over toward them.

Blake caught Alexis’s attention as they smiled at each other .

Only for Alexis’s smile to disappear two seconds later.

“What’s wrong?”

Blake felt her heartbeat quicken. Had she let her emotions stay on her face? Her poker face better not have let her down now. “Nothing. Why?”

Alexis nodded away from the kids as they took a few steps into the hallway.

“Babe, come on. I know you and I know when something is wrong.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Alexis crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it the party tomorrow?”

“No, Lex, it’s not. Everything is fine.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not…” Blake’s voice trailed off as she stopped herself from lying to Alexis about how she’d been lying to her. The hole she was digging herself into kept getting deeper. “I’m gonna be late for therapy.”

“Blake, wait.”

Tenderly, Alexis put her hand on Blake’s cheek. Part of Blake wanted to crumble right there under the single touch of her wife’s hand. But knowing Maddie and the kids were only a few feet away stopped her. Taking a step back, Blake felt Alexis’s hand fall from her face.

The pain in Alexis’s blue eyes was enough to make Blake sick to her stomach. And knowing she caused the pain made it even worse. Blake had to get out of the house. And fast.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight.”

Without even a kiss on the cheek, Blake turned to leave. She got into the SUV and headed toward downtown without looking back. Hot tears nipped at her eyes as a few dared to fall. Blake angrily wiped them away with the sleeve of her hoodie as she stepped on the gas.

Why am I being such a dick to Alexis? She doesn’t deserve this. She’d been by my side from the beginning and never wavered. And all I’ve done is treat her like shit the last few weeks.

The tears came harder and faster as Blake pulled up to a red light.

How was she messing up the life she’d always dreamed of having?

Why was she being so short with Alexis when she didn’t deserve it?

Why couldn’t she remember the last time she put the kids to bed?

All her thoughts bubbled over as she pulled into the parking lot of the library.

Despite the rainy weather, Blake put on her sunglasses as she dried her tears.

It was time to act like she wasn’t falling apart, at least until she made her way into the library.

She’d find a quiet corner in the back and open her laptop and cry in peace for an hour before bucking up and heading back home.

Maybe I’ll pick up Alexis’s favorite pizza on the way home.

Blake found her usual spot in the library and sat.

Her back was to the main part of the library, which typically would have stressed Blake out, but she enjoyed being able to look out onto the park across the street instead of rows of books.

She loved to watch the kids play, watch the older couples hold hands around the park.

It was her biweekly moment of Zen that kept her from going crazy.

Well. Going crazier than she already felt.

She wished she had someone to talk to about all her thoughts.

Which was ironic since she was supposed to be in therapy .

But the idea of going back to her therapist felt overwhelming.

As did voicing her feelings out loud. Especially since sometimes Blake wondered if Alexis and her family would have been better off if she never came to the Cove.

Of course, that thought simultaneously broke Blake’s heart.

She couldn’t imagine life with Alexis or Harper or Archer or Reese.

And her family? God, she desperately just wanted to be a Mackenzie.

Blake was so jealous of Mason that it hurt.

Physically hurt to think about. Did Mason know how lucky she was to be raised by Isla Mackenzie?

Did she take it for granted? She wiped more angry tears from her eyes.

“How’s therapy?”

Alexis’s voice startled Blake so much she nearly jumped from her seat.

She felt like a kid who had just been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been and, in a way, she had been.

Blake turned toward Alexis slowly, not ready for the look she knew would be on her face.

Anger and pain mixed on Alexis’s face as she stood a few feet away with her arms over her chest.

Shit.

“Is this where you’ve been coming instead of going to therapy?”

“Lex,” Blake scrambled to her feet, knocking over the chair where she had been sitting in the process, “I can explain.”

“Explain?” Alexis sarcastically laughed.

“Please explain why you’ve been lying to me.

You know, I can handle the mood swing and the grumpiness you’ve had for the past few weeks because I’ve been there.

Pregnancy can do a number on your body and mind.

I get that. But the lying?” Her voice cracked. “That I don’t understand.”

“Alexis, I…”

“No,” she held up her hands, “I don’t want to hear excuses.

I don’t deserve to be lied to, Blake. You know that.

We don’t do that. I’m your wife ,” her voice broke again.

“If you’re going through something, I want to help you.

I want to be by your side so you don’t have to carry whatever is burdening you all by yourself. ”

Blake could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, but she didn’t stop them. Just like Alexis didn’t stop hers, either.

“I promised you on our wedding day that I would always be here for you. Nothing about that has changed. So why have you been shutting me out? Please, Blake,” Alexis sobbed as her tears began falling faster, “I don’t know what I’ve done to make you not want to talk to me.”

“You haven’t done anything, Lex.” Blake desperately wanted to go to her, to pull her into a hug. But she could tell by Alexis’s crossed arms that wasn’t what she wanted right now. She wanted answers. And Blake couldn’t blame her. “This is all on me.”

“How long have you been coming here instead of therapy?”

Blake grimaced. “A few months.”

“A few months ?” Alexis shook her head in disbelief. “So every time I’ve asked you about therapy the last few months you’ve been lying to me. Twice a week I’m thinking oh Blake’s at therapy when in reality you’re at the library working.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“The sad thing is I’ve been writing off your behavior recently as being pregnant, so I didn’t ask any more questions. And that makes me feel like a fucking shitty wife.”

“You’re not a shitty wife.” Blake couldn’t take it anymore. She all but collapsed into a nearby chair as she buried her face in her hands.

How could I have been so stupid? Why did I ever lie to her in the first place? I’m going to lose this family too, but this time it’ll be my own damn fault.

“I never meant to make you feel that way, Lex. I’m so sorry.”

“We have to fix this.” Alexis took a step closer to Blake and kneeled down. “You can’t keep lying to me. Not if we want to continue the relationship that we have. It only works if we’re completely honest with each other.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I am.” Alexis looked more serious than Blake could ever remember seeing her. “And I also know that I’m so mad at you right now that I want to scream, but we’re in a library, so I can’t. I love you and I’m going to be here for you always. I just need some time to… process.”

“I get it. I’m so sorry, Lex. I love you.”

Standing, Alexis wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of her jacket.

“Maddie is with Archer and Reese. I’m going to pick up Harper from school, and I’ll get dinner on the way home.”

“Do you want me to come home tonight?”

Alexis looked taken aback by Blake’s question. She nodded her head before putting a hand on Blake’s shoulder.

“Of course, Blake. It’s your home. It’s where you belong on the good days and the bad days. For better or for worse, remember?”

Reaching up, Blake put her hand on Alexis’s arm. She squeezed softly, hoping she understood how truly sorry she was. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you at home.”

“See you at home.”

Watching Alexis walk out of the library was one of the hardest things Blake had ever experienced. Unable to process all the emotions coursing through her body, Blake buried her face in her hands and cried.