Page 27 of Penalty Shot

Randall:You’ve got my attention. Say more.

Elise:There are a surprising number of men who post pictures of themselves with animals, did you know that? A dog or cat can be cute, but I’ve seen parrots, stingrays, iguanas…

Randall:Did she say she likes animals in her profile?

Elise:Not a word, but here we are.

Randall:Why are you doing this for your mom anyway?

Elise:It seemed like a good idea at the time, when she finally agreed to consider dating. She’s been a widow for nine years and although she never complains about being lonely, she hardly does any of the things she used to enjoy.

Randall:Like?

Elise:Go out dancing, for one thing. My parents were members of a ballroom dance studio that met at least once a week. And travel! That’s a big one. She used to love traveling.

Randall:It can’t be that hard to find a guy who likes to dance and travel.

Elise:You mean likeAdventureAdamwho posted pictures of himself swimming with sharks?

Randall:Ya, that’s a bit weird. Sorry I can’t be much help. Never been on an app.

Elise:C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never been on Tinder.

Randall:Never. Have you?

Elise:Bumble. I’m on it now.

Randall: [Bubble dots come and go for a few minutes]Why?

Randall:I mean I know why but I thought you don’t…

Elise:Hook up while I’m in production? Yeah, but I have my profile up.

Randall:Can I see it?

Elise:Not if we don’t match.

Randall:I might not know a thing about dating apps, Elise, but we’d fucking match.

Elise:Don’t tell me you’d right swipe on a theater enthusiast who nerds out on vintage Broadway posters.

Randall:Vintage Broadway posters sound cool.

Elise:Anyway, if you know a man in his fifties to sixties who likes to ballroom dance and travel, send him our way.

Randall:You know, some of the best matches aren’t about having the same interests but sharing new ones.

Elise:Dang, Dr. Phil, that was deep. I’ll keep it in mind.

An hour later…

Randall:Elise?

Elise:What’s up?

Randall:Are you really on a dating site?[deleted]

Randall:Why do you need an app when you’ve got my number?[deleted]