Page 14 of Overtime Goal (Buffalo Warriors Hockey #4)

logan

Riley and I ordered Chinese and argued over movie options while we ate. After we loaded the dishwasher, I asked if he was ready, and he shook his head. He said he needed fresh air and a walk. The way he said it told me he wanted to be alone.

Though it stung, I tried not to show it. For all I knew, he was calling a girlfriend to arrange a hookup. It was none of my business, I reminded myself. If he came back with an excuse to leave, I’d have to stay calm.

Still, I wasn’t sure that’s what he was doing. In case he decided to stay, I took some food into the living room. He’d be hungry again, and snacking during movies was a tradition of ours.

I’d settled on my side of the sectional when the phone buzzed. I fished it out of my pocket and was surprised to see Riley’s name.

RILEY: Hey.

What the fuck? Is he going to leave without even coming in to say goodbye?

LOGAN: Hi.

RILEY: I want to talk to you. Can we do it when I get back?

I considered sending a snarky reply asking if he had a date, but stopped myself. If something serious was happening, the last thing I wanted was to make light of it.

LOGAN: Of course. Will you be much longer?

RILEY: On my way. Five minutes.

When he came back, he gave me a jerky nod and claimed his usual spot on the sectional.

Instead of talking, he started bouncing his legs and fidgeting with his fingers.

Every few seconds, he’d glance my way, then look anywhere else he could.

The wall, the ceiling, and even the coffee table were fair game.

Once, he opened his mouth, then shut it and gave a frustrated grunt.

“What’s on your mind, Riles?” I finally asked. “You wanted to talk?”

It was like I’d pulled a trigger as words tumbled out of him so fast it was hard to keep up. “I’m afraid I’ve hurt you. Or am hurting you. I don’t want to do that. You’re… fuck, you’re so important to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I hope you’re not, but are you mad at me?”

Sweat dotted his forehead, and his face was tight with emotion. He looked like he might cry. For a guy who had enough courage to face the biggest D-men in the league to be ready to break down, this must be big.

I kept my voice soft. “I promise I’m not mad. Why do you think I would be?”

“Because I’m hurting you.”

He was right, but not in a way that would make me yell and shove him out the door. I needed to be sure we were talking about the same thing. “How are you hurting me?”

“Because of what happened in LA. Well, not just LA, but mostly. And what came afterward.”

I leaned back and tried to relax my face. “We talked about this. Didn’t we agree to be open and see where things go? Find out what happens?”

“Yes, but nothing has happened.”

“I know, and it doesn’t have to. That was part of the deal.”

His green eyes were too bright, and he was still wringing his hands. “Right, but I hurt you by how I reacted the next morning.”

“You did, but that was then. I thought we were moving past it.”

“I’m still hurting you.” He shook his head, making his hair fall over his eyes. “And I don’t want to.”

My pulse ticked up. “I don’t understand. How are you still hurting me? Have you lied about something?”

Now he was picking at a fingernail. “No. Well, I haven’t lied, but I haven’t been completely honest either.”

I nodded. “Okay. Say what you need to, even if it’ll be hard for me to hear. I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

He let out a slow breath. “I’m glad to hear that.”

We were quiet while a clock in the living room chimed, and when he looked into my eyes, the world tipped sideways.

He was so fucking beautiful it hurt. From the first day I met him, all breathless and cocky, trying to play it cool, I’d felt the pull.

He must have too, because Riley the Rookie attached himself to me like I was the only person who could show him how to survive in the league.

He was friends with Holky too, and they became the Wild Warrior Pair on social media.

Riles and I had more of a mentoring relationship, but somewhere along the way, it changed.

We became friends and started spending a lot of time together.

Before I knew it, I wanted him in ways that complicated everything.

At first, I’d thought it was a temporary crush.

I tried to let it go because he was a young straight guy who dated models, partied with actresses, and never looked back when he left a room.

In other words, he was a heartbreak waiting to happen.

Although my crush didn’t let up, I got it under control, at least until that night in LA.

What we did then shattered everything I thought I knew about us.

We hadn’t had sex since then, and he still flirted with women like it was second nature, but I couldn’t ignore what we’d shared.

The searing heat and intense desire burned in my memory.

I’d never forget how he held onto me, like an anchor that could keep him from falling.

As much as he’d enjoyed it, he had to be bi. But that didn’t matter if he didn’t want to be with me. He was still interested in women, something that would never change, so I needed to keep myself in check. I couldn’t get carried away again unless he was ready to meet me halfway.

He cleared his throat. “You get kind of weird sometimes, and I think I finally put it together. It’s usually…”

I raised an eyebrow.

“It’s usually when women are around,” he said.

“I’m straight, but you and I like each other.

We spend a lot of time together, and… Fuck it.

Are you afraid that if I start dating, I won’t have time for you?

Or that I’d pull away if I got a girlfriend?

” His voice softened. “I can say the same thing you did, Logan. I won’t go anywhere unless you want me to. ”

I pursed my lips and chose my words carefully. “You’ve dated women since I’ve known you, and I’ve dated a few men. It’s never stopped us from being friends.”

“It hasn’t. But we’d never… you know, had sex. That changes things.”

“It does.”

“Is that why it bothers you when I flirt with girls now?”

He was being honest, and I owed him no less. I lifted my head and met his eyes. “Yes, but it isn’t like I didn’t want you before we had sex. I’ve always been attracted to you, but I tried to ignore it because I thought you were straight.”

He tilted his head. “Are you still attracted to me? Do you still want me?”

My stomach twisted into a knot. I didn’t know what would happen if I said yes, but I couldn’t lie. “I do. And I know I get weird when you flirt, but I don’t think it’s because you’re talking to women. I’d be jealous of anyone you flirted with.”

His voice dropped to a whisper. “I still want you too. I’m so fucking sorry I’ve made you uneasy. I didn’t mean to, and I’m… I’d like it if we had sex again.”

My heart leapt, then stumbled just as quickly. I wanted to pull him into my arms and never let go, but what if he didn’t realize what he was saying?

A muscle twitched under my eye. “If you’re serious, I’d like nothing better.”

“Totally serious. We’ve talked about how much we like each other, and this is a way we can show it.

We both have needs.” He winced and held up a hand.

“Shit, that came out wrong. I’m not saying I want to sleep with you just to get off, and I don’t want it to be casual.

I need you, and whatever is going on, we can’t let it go without finding out what it is. ”

“I need you too.” My voice cracked on the words. “So much it fucking hurts.”

He nodded. “Okay. There’s one thing we need to be clear on, though.”

What the fuck is it now? I nodded for him to go on.

“I can’t make promises I might not be able to keep.

As much as I care about you, and as badly as I want you, I still like women.

I can’t see that going away, and if we do this, I don’t know how it might play out.

It wouldn’t be fair to tell you I’ve got all the answers when I don’t.

” He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a heavy breath.

“What I can tell you is I want this. I want you, and I’m not taking anything lightly.

But I need to know if you can live with the fact that I’m still sorting myself out. ”

Goddammit. Every step forward was followed by a sucker punch. “I thought you said you didn’t want it to be casual.”

“I don’t. We wouldn’t just be hooking up. It would mean too much to both of us to be only that. But I’m straight except for wanting you. This is new for me, and I don’t know how it’s going to feel.”

This was some kind of fucked up. I’d always known I couldn’t have Riley the way I wanted, but hearing him say it out loud put me in an impossible position. He needed me. But not only me. Not always me.

Was it pathetic to take whatever he was willing to give so I could have at least some of him?

Maybe. There were all kinds of relationships, and not everything fits in a neat little box labeled romance.

For a man like Riley, who’d spent his whole life chasing women, this had to be confusing as hell.

I needed to be a good enough friend to give him room to figure things out.

Surely I could hold on a little longer to see if he caught up.

I took a breath and tried for a smile. “I get it. And I guess that leaves me free as well. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a guy who’s all in for me and get swept off my feet.”

Some of the color drained out of Riley’s cheeks. “Yeah. Sure. That would be… awesome for you. I should be ready for that.”

Classic Riles. If I actually met someone, he’d be happy for me or die trying. “As long as we’re honest with each other,” I said, “our friendship will be okay.” God, I hope that’s right.

He sagged against the back of the sectional and let out a shaky breath. “Play it by ear then?”

“Sure.”

My chest felt like it might rip in two. My heart couldn’t keep up with what we were saying, so I tried for something a little more positive. “What does that make us, then? Friends with benefits?”

He made a face. “Way more than that. We’re best friends who need to show each other everything we feel.”

“That’ll work.” I hoped it would.

“So…” He grinned and bounced his eyebrows. “You really like me, fat ass and all?”

“I believe you’re referring to your incredible hockey butt. The one I’ve stared at since you came to Buffalo.”

“Yep. The one I bet you can’t wait to get your hands on again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Easy. Bring that ego down a notch or two.” I shot him a grin. “Besides, I happen to have noticed you can’t keep your eyes off me. You can’t wait to lick my abs, can you?”

The tension broke, and we both laughed. When we had to stop to catch our breath, Riles looked into my eyes. “This means we’re all set for sex, right?”

“All set.”

Before I could second-guess things, Riley launched himself across the sectional and crawled into my lap, pinning me back, and crashing his mouth to mine. The noise in my head disappeared, and all that was left was him.