Page 4 of Overdue Feelings

By the time the final bell rang, I finally understood why teachers sat in their cars for ten minutes before pulling off. My first day at Sweet Pea had been a revolving door of stomachaches, fake fevers, and first-day jitters. I hadn’t even had a chance to unpack fully, let alone catch my breath.

I dropped into the driver’s seat, head resting against the headrest, trying to decide if I was really about to do this again tomorrow.

Then I heard footsteps on the pavement and voices I recognized.

I sat up and gazed out the passenger side window, and that’s when I saw them—Creek and Zae. My eyes focused on Creek.

She hadn’t changed much, and somehow, she had changed a lot.

She was a grown woman. Braids were still her signature.

Her deep cocoa skin was still perfect. Not a flaw was on it.

She still had that same quirky confidence in her stride, but with a whole lot of extra jiggle.

Her body had filled out perfectly. She was no longer the chubby girl I was best friends with in high school.

I stared at the sunflower print dress she wore that clung to her curves before my eyes traveled down to her beat-up sneakers.

I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face.

Creek was still the sexy, smart, girl next door I always remembered.

I watched as she got into her car and drove off, but not before Zae kissed her on the cheek. I sat there, stunned, watching as Zae watched her drive off before he turned and ran back into the building.

“Damn.” I rubbed my hand across my forehead in disbelief.

Not because I was jealous. I was happy that Zae was the one she was with.

If I couldn’t be the one to love her, I knew Zae would do it effortlessly.

It was just... I didn’t expect this. Didn’t expect my two ex-best friends to be a couple.

My eyes watched as Creek’s car disappeared, and the reality of the fact that they’d carried on without me started to seep in.

I always hoped they would. I always hoped Creek had found love and peace with what I’d done, but seeing it hit differently. I didn’t know if I was ready for it.

Starting up my car, I shook off thoughts of Zae and Creek and peeled out of the parking lot.

It was time to head back to the little bed and breakfast I’d been crashing at.

The last seventy-two hours had been a blur.

I still wasn’t really sure how I ended up back in Harvest and working at Sweet Pea, but here I was.

When I shut down my practice last week, it was supposed to be temporary.

A break. Some time to get my head right.

I was newly dumped, overworked, and tired.

The hustle and bustle of accomplishing everything I was told to had taken its toll on me.

At the advice of my father, I’d packed a few belongings and headed to spend some time on the coast. I opted out of flying and just took off down the road.

I thought maybe a long drive down to the ocean would help me clear my head.

I never expected to see the green Harvest Hills sign.

Never expected to take the damn exit. Never expected to check into the same bed and breakfast my grandma used to bring her prayer group to.

But here I was back in Harvest Hills, after twelve years of building the perfect life.

Back in New York, I had the perfect high-rise apartment overlooking Manhattan.

The perfect smile, tailored suits, luxury cars, and a relationship that looked good on paper until she was done with me.

She said I was dependable, but she didn’t feel anything when she looked at me.

Said I was present, but I wasn’t there. And she was right.

I wasn’t. I hadn’t felt like myself in years.

I was hollow. My life lacked joy, fire, and all the things that made me.

So I guess it was no surprise that my drive had landed me in the only place that ever felt like home.

The last place I’d felt like myself. I didn’t plan to stay.

Didn’t expect to run into Miss Venus, my mom’s old coworker, at dinner the night I got in.

Didn’t expect her to drag me over to Principal Voss.

Didn’t expect Voss to offer me the school nurse job on the spot, and I sure as hell didn’t expect Creek Delaney and Isaiah Bishop to be working there.

I pulled my car into the parking lot of Harvest Rose Inn and headed inside.

“Hey, Ares, how was your first day?” Miss Eddie, the inn’s owner, greeted me as I made my way through the living room.

“Exhausting,” I replied, heading for the stairs. Miss Eddie was great, but she was a talker, and I didn’t feel like diving into a lecture right now. “I think it was just what I needed though.”

“That’s what I like to hear. You gone on and relax. Dinner will be ready soon. You can come down when you’re ready.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I nodded my head and continued up the stairs and down the hall until I made it to my room. I reached for the room key in my pocket and then unlocked the door. Harvest Rose Inn wasn’t some fancy five star resort, but it felt like peace and smelled like my grandmother’s homecooked meals.

I walked in, dropped my bag at the foot of the bed, and sat down. I was really doing this. I was really back in Harvest. Exhaustion consumed me, and my eyes closed for a second before the blaring sound of my phone jolted me awake.

I sat up and snaked my phone from the pocket of my scrubs.

I stared at the screen. Mom flashed across big as day.

I considered letting it go to voicemail.

I loved my mom, but anytime she called, a headache took up permanent residence between my eyes.

I knew how this conversation would go, but she was going to just keep calling if I didn’t pick up.

Reluctantly, I swiped to answer the call.

“Hey, Mom.” I spoke into the receiver before I’d even placed the phone up to my ear.

“Ares, baby,” she said, like she’d been holding her breath waiting for me to pick up. “You alright? Did you make it to Fort Lauderdale?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m not in Fort Lauderdale yet. Took a little detour.”

“A little detour? A detour where, baby? Lord, I don’t know why you just didn’t fly. Who would give up their first class trip for two days on the road?”

“I needed to breathe, Mom. You’ll never believe where I am.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m in Harvest.”

“Harvest? Hills?” I could hear the surprise, but not the kind that sounded proud. The kind that came laced with judgment. “Why would you stop there?”

“I don’t know. I saw the sign. Thinking about staying.”

A long silence fell on the line.

“Ares…” Her voice was low, like she was choosing her words carefully. “Why would you go back there of all places? Ain’t nothing in Harvest but dirt and bad memories.”

“I don’t know, Mom, it just felt right. I checked into Harvest Rose. It’s helping me clear my head.”

“That old dingy bed and breakfast. There are a thousand places you can clear your head, Ares. Why not Palm Springs?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Harvest isn’t that bad, Mom.”

“Ares, Harvest is that bad. Everyone there is so country. They’re nosy, stuck in the past, and nobody wants better for themselves. That town drained your grandmother right into the grave.”

I didn’t say anything because I knew she wasn’t finished.

“We worked too hard to leave all that behind just for you to crawl back like it’s home.”

“It is home.”

“New York is our home, Ares. That town was never enough for us.” She paused.

“You’re a doctor for Christ’s sake. You built a private pediatric practice from the ground up.

I know Morgan left, but it’s no excuse to be wandering around dirt roads and landing in a place we all swore we’d never go back to. ”

I closed my eyes, trying not to let her words get to me. None of this was about Morgan. Our time had been up. I was actually glad she’d pulled the plug. It forced me to see the truth.

“I just needed to breathe, Mom,” I said again, quieter this time. “That’s it. That’s all. Just because you hate Harvest doesn’t mean I have to.”

She didn’t respond right away. I could almost hear her pacing in her condo.

“Is this about that girl? What was her name?” She acted as if she didn’t remember, but I knew she did. My mom hated Creek.

“Creek, Mom.”

“I’m sure she’s moved on by now, Ares. That fast tale girl was never good enough for you.”

“Mom, don’t start. This isn’t about her.” My throat tightened. My return to Harvest wasn’t just about Creek. It was about everything I’d lost over the years. I’d lost myself, but I guess to my mom, that was a good thing. Being myself was never good enough for her.

“Well, how long are you staying?”

“I’m not sure,” I told her, opting out of telling her I’d taken a job. I didn’t want to send my mother to an early grave.

“I hope just for a few hours.”

“I don’t know, Mom… umm… I’ll call you tomorrow.” I stood from the bed.

“Okay. Well, I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too, Mom.” I hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed. The weight of my mother’s expectations settled in my chest like they always had. She truly believed that being better meant being away from Harvest.

My parents never understood how much I loved it here. They never understood why I spent so many long nights hanging out with Creek and Zae. My parents used to say they were distractions. That I didn’t need friends, I needed focus, and at one point, I believed them.

Picking my phone back up, I went to the Notes app and scrolled down to the folder marked Creek and Zae. I hadn’t looked at this Notes tab in years. This was where I kept the letters, the texts, the just thinking about you thoughts.

At first, I didn’t reach out because I didn’t know what to say.

Didn’t know how to make leaving Creek after she shared herself with me better.

Didn’t know how to fix the trust I’d broken with Zae.

The longer I waited, the more ashamed I became that I hadn’t reached out.

Then weeks turned into months, and then months turned into years, and years turned into pretending that I didn’t miss them. Didn’t miss her.

I closed the Notes app and threw my phone back onto the bed. I didn’t know what I was doing here, but maybe it was finally time for me to let go of the version of myself my parents wanted me to be and be the version of myself that gave me peace.