Page 13 of Overdue Feelings

The smell of funnel cakes and waffle cones still sailed through the air as Sweet Pea’s annual back to school carnival quieted down. I packed away the last book fair shelf just as a group of kids zigzagged past me waving glow sticks, clearly suffering from a severe sugar high.

Technically, school had started a month ago, but between heat advisories, the buildings construction delays, and my backordered books, the district had decided to push the official kickoff carnival and book fair back a few weeks.

That may have been the best choice because the event had gone off way better than previous years. The book fair had sold out, and nobody threw up on the Tilt-A-Whirl. Zae was even able to get parents to run the obstacle course. It had been a good time.

“Ms. Delaney, can you help me find my mom?” a little voice asked, making me look from my work.

I looked up and saw Gemma, her little fingers tugging at the hem of my shirt.

Quickly, I glanced around and spotted her mom, Amethyst, near the hot dog stand.

She was craning her neck, scanning the crowd with panic setting into her eyes.

“What happened, Gemma? Did you wander off?” I asked gently, already grabbing her hand.

“I was just trying to get the ball I won at the obstacle course,” she mumbled, like she knew she’d broken a rule. I didn’t scold her. I locked the last book fair shelf, scribbled “Pickup” on the label, and gave her hand a soft squeeze. “Come on, let’s get you back to your mom.”

We made our way down the path toward the lake, where the hotdog stand was. The ground was littered with trash and crushed popcorn, and suddenly, I was glad I wasn’t on the clean-up committee.

“Gemma!” Amethyst called when she saw us, her face softening with relief. She jogged over from the food cart and bent down to hug her daughter tight.

“I’m sorry,” Gemma said into her mother’s arms.

“She did what she was supposed to do. She found me and asked for help.” I smiled.

“Thank you,” Amethyst said, standing up straighter now. She looked tired, lip gloss faded, edges frizzed from the heat, and eyes heavy like she hadn’t rested in days. “I swear I just turned my back for a second.”

“It happens,” I said. “She’s safe. Don’t beat yourself up. The week’s been long for all of us.”

“Yes. It’s just been the two of us lately. Dad’s been busy planning his wedding. So it’s been leaving me to show up for everything alone, so whew, it’s a lot.”

I nodded, offering a warm smile. She looked like she needed a word of encouragement, so I gave it to her. “You’re doing great. Gemma’s kind, smart, and confident.”

Amethyst blinked fast like she wasn’t expecting to get emotional over a compliment. She looked down at Gemma, then back at me.

“Thank you, Ms. Delaney. For everything.” She turned, gently guiding her daughter toward the exit. I stood there for a minute before slipping off my shoes and walking down to the lake. I let my toes sink into the cool sand and finally exhaled.

“Still afraid of ferris wheels?” Ares’s voice came from behind me. I turned around to face him, taking in the sight of him in his polo shirt and twill pants.

“You were the one who was scared,” I teased, knowing the memory he was referencing. “You were the one who faked a stomachache that time in eight grade.”

“I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t trust that old-ass metal.”

“So in other words… scared.” I smirked.

“You know it’s only one way to settle this.”

“And what way is that?”

“To get on it.” He held out his hand, and I hesitated. “I mean unless you’re too scared.”

“Never scared.” I put my hand in his and we made our way over to the Ferris wheel laughing and giggling like school kids.

“Last cycle of the night,” the attendant announced as we approached. The ferris wheel line had drastically dwindled down from the crowd it had all day.

“After you, beautiful.”

We stepped right on and got situated, and the pod started climbing slowly into the air.

I blew out a deep breath. I wasn’t scared, but my stomach still did that little flip it always did.

I wasn’t sure if that was from the ride or being up here with Ares.

I glanced over, and it took everything in me not to laugh.

He was gripping the railing like he didn’t trust the entire ride not to collapse.

His jaw was tight as he looked straight ahead.

“You good?” I asked, biting back my grin.

“I’m great.” He side eyed me. “You good?”

“Peaceful.” I laughed, turning back toward the view.

The carnival lights below were fading into a blur. The lake shimmered beside us. It was beautiful up here. Quiet. All the noise of the outside world had been drowned out. Ares pulled me into his body, finally looking down, relaxing into the seat.

“This was always your thing,” he said quietly. “You loved the carnivals.”

“I still do. I wish I wasn’t stuck working them, but it’s still a good time.”

“That it is.”

“Did you enjoy yourself? This being your first one back and all.”

“It was perfect. I applied about seventy-two band-aids.”

I laughed again, softer this time. The air was cooler up here. Crisp against my skin. The higher we climbed, the more the rest of the world felt far away.

“So how are you really doing since coming back?” I asked.

“Coming back has been the best decision I’ve made.”

“You make New York sound all bad. You had an entire clinic, and I know you had hoes.”

He grinned. “I had a girlfriend, until she dumped my ass. Said I was too boring, too routine, and she was right. I closed the practice officially last week.”

My mouth dropped open.

“Wow!”

“What about you? How are you holding up? I know my return has sparked a lot of shit.”

“As okay as someone who spent the week googling how polyamory works.”

He laughed. I hadn’t said it to be funny, but I laughed too.

“What you find?”

“A whole lot of information saying absolutely nothing.”

We laughed again.

“You having doubts?”

“No, I’m not conflicted. I love Isaiah, and I love you. I’m just trying to figure out how this all works. Where we go from here.”

“I don’t think we gotta have all the answers right now. I think the biggest thing is being honest.”

I nodded, letting the quiet hold us for a moment as I looked over at him. Really looked at him. This wasn’t the boy who left me with a heart full of firsts and no goodbye. This was a man rebuilding. A man learning how to be his own man. We reached the top of the wheel.

“I used to think about you every time I saw a friendship bracelet. Still do, honestly. Or when I hear a Brandy song... or see a girl wearing braids.”

I swallowed hard.

“You reading one of your notes,” I whispered.

“Nah, I’m saying the shit out loud now. I love you, Creek Delaney. That never died.”

“I love you too.” I leaned in, and our lips connected.

He exhaled against my mouth like he’d been holding that breath for a while.

We lingered there for a moment just gazing into each other’s eyes.

The ride dipped back down, and we exited hand in hand laughing.

I don’t know how he found us, but Zae was waiting near the gate holding a bag of kettle corn and a bottle of peach soda. My favorites.

“Can I steal her from you for a minute?” I glanced at Ares, who nodded.

“I gotta go close down the nurse’s station. I’ll come by tonight,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied, and then I grabbed Zae’s hand and allowed him to lead me down the lakefront to whatever he had planned.

We walked in silence most of the way, hand in hand.

I knew exactly where we were going once we crossed over to the other side of the lake.

By the time we reached the clearing, my suspicions were confirmed.

A soft flicker of lanterns glowing low on the grass illuminated the rest of the way.

I smiled. Zae had laid out a thick blanket right where our old clubhouse used to sit.

The clubhouse itself was long gone. It had been demolished during a storm years ago, but this still remained our spot.

He led me over to the blanket and picnic basket, right in front of the tree stump where we’d all carved our names.

I sat down with a big smile on my face. I could still feel every single memory I had made here. My first time falling, late nights playing hide and seek, the night I gave everything to Ares, the night Zae had nervously asked me to be his girlfriend. They had all happened here.

“It’s beautiful,” I said.

“I couldn’t miss the chance. Remember we used to come here after every carnival?”

“I remember.”

“You remember the way I was pacing back and forth the last time we were here?”

“I thought you were going to pass out before you even said yes. You almost dropped the ring pop.” I nodded, remembering his official girlfriend proposal.

“But you said yes anyway.”

“I was already yours.” I stared into his eyes. “You just made it official.”

Zae sat down beside me, kicked off his sneakers, and popped open a bottle of champagne from the picnic basket. He handed me one of the glasses and filled it halfway.

“To us,” he said, and I clinked my glass against his.

“To us,” I repeated. We sipped in silence for a moment. The breeze from the lake rolled in soft and slow, making the flames from the lanterns dance.

“I know this poly shit is new,” he said after a while. “New for us. New for you. I just want you to know I’m good.”

I turned to him. My eyes locked in on his, and I exhaled a deep breath. Man was I glad he’d said that. Having both Zae and Ares was the most amazing experience in my life, but I didn’t want to continue to do it if it would hurt Zae.

“You sure? Because I don’t want you doing this because you think you have to.”

“C, I meant what I said. I knew you loved him before you did. And I never tried to compete with that. What we have? That’s solid.

That’s ours. I’m not afraid of sharing you, because I know what we have.

What we’ve built together.” His words touched my heart, and I leaned into him, head on his shoulder, allowing his words to really soak in.

“It still scares me,” I admitted. “Not the love. The uncertainty. The idea that I can love more than one person at a time.”

He reached for my hand again, locking our fingers. “It’s okay to be scared. Hell, I am too. But if we’re being honest, we’ve been a trio our whole damn lives. Only thing different now is we’re both giving you dick.”

My mouth dropped open. “Zae!” I elbowed him, laughing despite myself.

He shrugged, grinning. “What? That’s the truth.”

“Yeah… I guess it is,” I said, still smiling. “So how do we navigate this?”

“We figure this shit out together,” he said before kissing my forehead and pulling something out of the pocket of his shorts. “I got you something.”

I blinked, surprised as he dropped a delicate silver locket into my palm. My thumb brushed over the tiny engraving on the back of our initials. Mine, his, and Ares, carved into the back.

“I wanted you to have something that doesn’t require choosing. Just a reminder that we’ve always been your heart.”

I looked up at him, leaned in, and kissed him slow and deep, like there was nowhere to be but here. He kissed me back, hand pressing into the small of my back.

“You still my girl, Creek?” he whispered against my lips.

“Forever,” I sang just as we heard footsteps walking through the grass. We both turned to see Ares standing at the edge of the pathway. He paused, like he’d walked into something he wasn’t meant to see.

“I was just coming to check on the lifeguard tower,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t realize it was gone.” Disappointment passed across his face quick, but I caught it.

“It’s still here,” I said, patting the blanket. “Just... different now.”

He hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if he was invited into the moment, until Zae nodded and said, “Come on, bruh. Sit.”

“Alright.” He dropped beside us. “How long’s it been gone?”

“What, like five years?” I asked, glancing at Zae.

“Yeah, about so.” He nodded. Ares didn’t speak for a minute. He just looked out at the lake.

“This was the last place I felt close to you,” he said quietly. “Even after I left. I kept coming back to that night in my mind. It never stopped meaning something to me.”

His words settled in my chest, and I reached over and grabbed his hand.

“But that was then. And this?” I looked around at the blanket, the lake, the three of us . “This is now. I’m not stuck there anymore.”

“Champagne?” Zae held up the bottle and Ares nodded. We sat like that all night... passing the bottle around like it was water. We laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company, and in that moment, I could feel the bad memories being placed behind us.