Page 1 of Overdue Feelings

The three musketeers; that’s what we’d been since I’d moved to Harvest Hills in the third grade.

Stick together. Best friends forever. That had always been the plan.

Ares, Zae, and I, Sweet Pea Academy’s troublemaking, inseparable trio.

If one of us got detention, all three of us got detention.

If one of us made the honor roll, the other two cheered like we all had our names on the certificate.

Everything we’d done, we’d done it together.

That was until Ares went and got himself accepted into Howard University.

I was proud of him, and so was Zae. Attending college had always been part of our plan.

But in my head, we’d all end up at Harvest Hills U.

We’d still be us, still be close, because leaving had never been an option for me, and both of them knew that.

Still, Ares was leaving in the morning. Bright and early, Howard had a pre-med summer program, so we wouldn’t even get to spend the summer together.

There would be no last hurrah for us. No, today was it.

His bags were already packed tight in his parents’ SUV in preparation for them driving him thousands of miles away.

It was the gray cloud that loomed over an otherwise perfect high school graduation day.

The tightness in my chest was too much for my eighteen-year-old heart to bear.

My world was shifting. Cracking open in a way that felt too familiar.

The same way it had the day my mama dropped me off at Gigi’s house and never came back.

I was fighting to hold on to the only piece of normalcy I’d ever had, and it was slipping away.

“Please. I’ll still have time to whup your ass. College man or not.” Ares smirked.

“If we’re being honest… neither of you is that great at 2K.” I laughed, looping my arm through Zae’s.

“Whatever. You can’t even hold the controller right, Creek.

” Zae gave me a playful push that turned into me chasing him and the three of us laughing hysterically, the same way we had most of our lives.

For a moment, everything felt the same, but we all knew after today nothing between us would ever be the same again.

“Come on, slowpokes!” Zae shouted over his shoulder. “Last one there’s jumping in the lake!”

“Not!” I shouted, just as the glow from the bonfire came crackling into view along with the entire senior class.

It was the official graduation sendoff, a Harvest Hills tradition, just a bunch of newish adults blasting music and sneaking alcohol we weren’t old enough to drink and pretending we weren’t all terrified of what came next.

“I ain’t getting my clothes wet!” Ares shouted back.

“I’m not getting my hair wet. I just got this pressed out!” I patted my head, and Ares grabbed my hand to pull me along, but I caught him looking at me instead of the path ahead. His smile lit up the space between us, the way it always did.

“Come on, C. I’m not getting wet, and you know he’ll make us do it.”

I nodded, and we took off sprinting down the gravel path like we were eight again and nothing could touch us. My hair flew in the wind as I laughed. I had never been a match for Zae and Ares, but I still tried.

“Y’all can’t keep up?” Zae called back, grinning over his shoulder. He was already at the end of the path.

“Nah, that’s Creek,” Ares replied, dropping my hand and taking off toward Zae. My mouth fell open. I know he didn’t just leave me. I shook my head as my feet slowed to a stop.

“Y’all are some straight cheaters.” I panted, doubling over and resting, hands on my knees.

“You just slow.” Zae smirked. Before I could fully stand up, they rushed me at the same time. I screamed, trying to dart away, drawing the attention of some of our classmates, but Zae and Ares caught me by the arms and hoisted me off the ground.

“Put me down! Don’t y’all dare!” They ignored me. “No, stop!” I made a last-ditch effort to appeal to their common decency, even though I knew they had none.

“Sorry, C, you gotta be quicker than that!” Ares laughed, and I kicked, screamed, and laughed despite myself as they marched me straight to the dock and tossed me into Harvest Hills Lake. The cold water smacked my skin hard and saturated my hair. I was going to kill them.

“Y’all play too dang much!” I shouted as soon as I came up. My arms were flailing, and my beautiful straight hair was now clinging to my face. I stared up at them. They were both doubled over in laughter. “Look at my hair!” I stood up in the water and made my way back to the dock.

“Don’t look at me,” Ares said. “It was Zae’s idea to race.”

“And I don’t regret anything.” Zae grinned, offering his hand as I climbed up the ladder on the side of the dock. Once I was out of the lake and dripping wet, we all shared another moment of laughter.

“I need dry clothes. It’s freezing.” I crossed my arms against my chest. Today’s spring heat wave had disappeared with the sun, so there was no chance of me air drying soon.

“Ummm, let’s hit the clubhouse,” Zae said. “We still got stuff in that old lifeguard tower, right?”

I scratched my head, thinking hard. It had been months since any of us had been to the abandoned lifeguard tower we used as our secret hideout.

We used to sneak up there in middle school and share candy, cut class, or hide when life got too loud.

Now, we just used it to store clothes so we could save the long walk back to our block after a day at the lake.

“Yeah, I think I got a pair of shorts or something,” I said, unsure.

“I definitely got a hoodie up there,” Ares said.

“Zae!” We all turned around at the sound of a few of Zae’s teammates waving him over. Zae looked between Ares and me. He was conflicted.

“Go, I’ll be okay.”

“I got her,” Ares added just as Zae’s teammates called his name again.

“You sure?” Zae looked at me. “I feel bad ditching, seeing how you’re wet because of me.”

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“We’re good. Go ahead. We’ll be right back,” Ares assured him, and Zae ran off to join his teammates without saying anything else.

“Let’s get going before you turn into an ice cube,” Ares said, and we headed to the clubhouse, my body shaking the entire way there as my shoes squeaked with every step. I said a small thanks to God that it wasn’t a far walk. It was just on the other side of the lake.

“I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll make this walk together,” I said quietly.

“Me neither.” His voice was low as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

“I’m proud of you, Ares. I mean it. High school is over, and you’re already chasing your dreams. I wish I had it all figured out already.”

He looked at me with the look he had reserved just for me, and my stomach twisted, making me quickly look away.

This had been our thing lately. Stolen glances, longer hugs, and finding reasons to linger after group hangouts.

Sometimes all I could think about was kissing him.

I’d loved him since sophomore year. Maybe even longer.

But I’d never said it. I think we both knew better than to act on or speak of anything we were feeling.

It would throw off our balance, destroy our friendship, or worse, crack the trio, and that couldn’t happen because they were both my safe place.

“I wouldn’t have it all figured out without you and Zae. Especially you.”

“You would’ve,” I said, but it came out too soft.

“No.” He shook his head. “You kept me steady, C. My world broke when my grandma passed, but you were there, helping me get through it, Creek.”

Something about the way he said my name made my feet stop, and butterflies swirled in my belly. Ares stopped walking too and just stared at me.

“I’m scared,” I admitted. “Not just for you leaving. For what happens after.”

“Me too.”

We didn’t move for a moment. Just stood there searching each other’s eyes.

“I think I’ve been in love with you as more than a friend for a long time, C.” Ares’s words came out quietly, like a confession that was meant for only me, because it was. I blinked hard, trying to keep my tears at bay.

“I thought I was the only one,” I whispered before throwing my hand over my mouth.

“Never.”

I gasped. The tension between us had thickened, and I was unsure if our little confession had made things better or worse.

Ares stepped closer to me slowly and brushed a wet curl off my cheek.

His thumb lingered at the corner of my mouth.

This is it. He is going to kiss me. I’ve wanted this for so long.

“Come on. Let’s get you warm.” His voice snapped us both back to reality as he grabbed my hand and lead me the rest of the way to the lifeguard tower. We didn’t say a word. The silence was speaking loud enough for the both of us.

When we finally reached the lifeguard tower, Ares stepped ahead and flicked on the small battery lantern tucked in the corner. A warm, golden glow lit up the room, casting soft shadows over the pile of old blankets and the crates we used to pretend were treasure chests.

“Every time we come here, I can’t help but to think about how much smaller it is now.”

“Same.” Ares cosigned, closing the door behind us.

I walked over to the locker I kept my stuff in and entered the combination before pulling my wet hoodie off and grabbing one of the backup shirts I had here.

My hands shook as I peeled off my tank top and swapped it for the dry one.

I’d changed in front of Ares and Zae a thousand times, so it was nothing, but when I turned around, he wasn’t covering his eyes like usual.

He was staring at me, like a man who finally saw what he’d been waiting for.

I squealed. “You’re looking.”

“Sorry, it’s hard not to. You’re so pretty.”

I don’t know who moved first, but suddenly, we were in each other’s arms. His hands gripped my waist, and his lips pressed into mine.

It was the kiss I’d waited for my entire teenage life.

It was perfect, not rushed. The kiss deepened, slowed, and then we were lowering ourselves onto the blanket pile.

Ares pulled the hoodie back over my head and cupped my breast. His hands roamed my body, and I never wanted any of it to stop.

“Let’s tie ourselves together forever,” I whispered.

“Are you sure?” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “We don’t have to.”

“I want to,” I said before I could overthink it. “I want my first time to be with someone who knows me. Who sees me. Who loves me. I want it to be you.”

His breath caught just slightly, and a pained expression appeared on his face. Ares wasn’t a virgin. He’d had a couple of girlfriends he’d been with throughout high school. That didn’t matter to me. I wanted this.

“Are you sure?” he asked again.

“No.” I laughed, breathless. “But I’m still saying yes.”

He kissed me again, deeper this time. He peeled off my wet panties, and his thumb slid over my clit, like a promise to take care of her.

We moved slowly. He took his time, whispering into my skin, telling me I was beautiful, that I could stop any time.

I didn’t want to stop. Even when it hurt.

Even when I teared up and he kissed the corner of my eye and held still until I nodded to keep going.

The lights and sounds of the bonfire buzzed outside, but in that little tower, time stopped as Ares moved inside me telling me how long he’d wanted this. How much he loved me. How he didn’t want to leave anymore.

“I’ll tell my parents in the morning,” he whispered into my ear. “I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Please stay,” I moaned into his ear. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I believed him. I believed his words. Believed that sharing my body with him would keep him in Harvest Hills.

“I’m not going nowhere.” He kissed me just as he finished, and I closed my eyes. That was the last thing I heard as I fell asleep in his arms.

The sun woke me up, and the realization of what Ares and I had done, what he’d promised me, flooded my thoughts.

I sat up slowly. A blanket was draped over my naked body, but the space beside me was empty.

I could feel my chest tightening. My eyes darted around the room, confirming what I already knew to be true.

Ares was gone, and the only remnant of him in the room was a folded piece of paper taped to the wooden wall of the clubhouse.

My name was scrawled on the front. The friendship bracelet I’d made him in fifth grade was pinned to it.

I leaned forward and ripped it down. I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. My fingers trembled as I opened it.

C,

I didn’t want to leave like this.

Last night was everything. You were everything. I meant what I said. I wanted to stay, but this morning came fast, and my parents were already waiting. I couldn’t figure out how to say no. They expect me to go off to Howard and become a big fancy doctor. I can’t let them down.

I know what we shared last night changes things. With you. With Zae. I hate that I might’ve broken something I can’t fix.

I left the bracelet because I don’t feel like I deserve it anymore. Not after this.

I love you, C. That’s the only part I know for sure. Always have. Always will. Take care of yourself, Zae, and Gigi.

-A

My breath left my lungs before I finished reading.

I pressed the note to my chest as my heart broke.

He was saying goodbye for good. There was no we’ll text, or we’ll talk on the phone.

He was ending our friendship. The tears came fast and silent.

I’d given him my virginity, and he was leaving me behind.

I didn’t have the strength to get up and go home.

I just laid there on the floor, heart shattered into a million pieces, and sobbing my heart out. I was crying so hard I didn’t even hear my phone buzzing. Slowly, I flipped open my cell phone. I had several missed calls from Zae and a couple of texts that all said the same thing.

Zae:

You good?

The door to the tower cracked open before I could respond, and in walked Zae.

“C.” He saw my face, saw the crumpled note, saw the blanket covering my naked body. “I got you.” He rushed to me, joining me on the ground. He slid the hoodie lying close by over my head and pulled me into his arms.

“I gave it to him,” I said eventually, voice hoarse. “I gave Ares my virginity.”

“I know,” he whispered.

“And he still left.”

“I know.”

I turned into him, body shaking with the weight of it all, and he held me like he’d done it a hundred times before.

“It’s okay. I got you, C.”