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CHAPTER EIGHT

Gray

I slipped into Holden’s office Friday night. It was past dinnertime, and my stomach rumbled loudly.

“Make any headway?” I asked.

For the past two days, he’d been scouring through the business holdings and bank accounts, looking for a debt solution that probably didn’t exist.

One other than selling the house or junkyard, anyway.

He rubbed his eyes. “Not really. We could sell the tow truck and get halfway there, but it’s one of our largest sources of business. Not so much the tows but the customers we bring in through the tows.”

Like that woman who’d called for a tow the night I’d picked up Emory. She’d have never chosen our shop for repairs otherwise. “Yeah. It’s a valuable asset to the business.”

“Still, no point keeping it if we lose the whole business anyway,” he said. “The problem is, it won’t get us all the way there, and we’ve got other expenses we couldn’t pay without the business it brings in.”

I sat down in the chair across from him. “What if I sold my bike too? It’ll only bring in about ten K, but it gets you a little closer to the mark.”

Holden shook his head. “I appreciate the offer, Gray. I’m going to keep searching for better solutions. The best thing you can do is keep building on that bike business.”

Since our visit to the pool hall, I’d pulled one bike repair job. It’d only brought in three hundred bucks, but the owner had been so excited she said she’d tell all her friends they could get their motorcycles serviced closer to home.

It wasn’t going to matter much if there was no business to run, though. Resolving this debt was a higher priority.

“I know it may seem futile,” Holden said, seeming to read my mind, “but you’re our best hope for a future. We need that, or it’s all pointless, anyway.”

“Well, in that case, we should hit the pool hall. You can use a break, and I can look for more business.” My stomach rumbled again. “And some dinner.”

And Emory, assuming he came by for that drink I’d offered him. I’d laid it on pretty thick, and he seemed interested, but who knew? With his family bank holding our debt, it definitely muddied the waters.

We came out of the office to find Axel glaring. Had he overheard Holden talking about the debt? I hated keeping this secret. I had kept too many things from Axel already.

Holden wanted a better plan before he told Axel and Bailey. He wanted to protect them. But knowing my brother, it was also his way of controlling the situation. He couldn’t erase the debt, but he could manage how it impacted the people around him.

At least until they found out the truth.

“Axel…” Holden started.

“He’s our best hope?” Axel said, jabbing a finger at me. “He’s back for a week, and suddenly, he’s your favorite brother?”

Whoa. So this wasn’t about the debt, then.

“My favorite ?” Holden snapped. “Grow the fuck up. I’m not Daddy, and he’s not my favorite kid. We’ve got a business to run, and Gray brings some skills we need.”

“Sure. Right.” Axel’s tone dripped hostility. “More than Bailey or I bring to the table. The old man made sure of that, right?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“He wouldn’t teach us,” Axel said. “We weren’t you. I don’t know what went down between you, but he was never the fucking same. None of us were.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Too little, too late. Holden might forgive you because you can be an asset to the business, but I don’t.”

He spun on his heel. Walked away from me. Again.

“He deserves to know,” Holden said. “What are you waiting for?”

My heart thudded. My palms grew sweaty. I hadn’t had to come out in a long time. Not to anyone who mattered, anyway. But Holden was right. Why was I waiting? Why hadn’t I told Axel that first day I arrived?

A ball of nerves tightened my stomach, making it grumble for a reason other than hunger. It was fear this time, and I suddenly knew. I hadn’t run away from home only to protect my brothers.

I’d been afraid they’d look at me the way the old man had. With nothing but hate and disgust.

Leaving them before they could leave me had been easier.

Bailey came in from outside, tucking a vape pen under his T-shirt. “What the fuck did you say to Axel? He looked ready to do murder.”

“Gray just has that effect on him,” Holden joked.

He was covering for me. Again. And that wasn’t fair either. He already had the future of the business on his shoulders. This wasn’t his burden to carry.

I lurched forward, stumbling a little as my brain signals tried to hold me back and send me forward at the same time. “I need to talk to him. Did he head for the junkyard?”

Bailey’s forehead creased. “Yeah, where else?”

“And how many of those dogs does he have out there?” I asked, wondering if I’d survive an altercation.

“Uh…”

“Never mind.” I broke into a jog as I left the garage. “If you tell me, I’ll just chicken out again.”

“Come on,” Holden said behind me. “We’re going with Gray. You’re gonna want to hear this too, Bailey.”

The junkyard was a few hundred yards down from the shop. The trek there gave me a chance to better organize my thoughts. This was why I’d come back. To make things right with my brothers. But part of me wanted to turn away, to run all over again.

A tall fence topped with barbed wire ran along the perimeter of the junkyard. Axel was just ahead of us, closing two large, rusty gates.

“Ax!” Holden called. Good. I couldn’t find my voice just yet. “Hold up. Gray has something to say.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Yes, you fucking do,” Holden shouted, voice hard. “I promise you do.”

Axel paused with the gate half open. Sugar, Taz, and two other mangy pooches came up beside him.

Sugar gave a sharp bark. Taz showed me his evil little teeth, snarling silently. One of the others darted forward through the gap in the gate. My heart lurched as I stumbled back, but the black-and-white border collie only licked my hand.

“This better be good,” Axel said.

“Nothing about it is good,” I said. “But you deserve to know why I left the way I did.”

Axel nodded once and pulled the gate wider, admitting us into his sanctuary. He could stay at the house with Holden and Bailey, but he chose to be out here. That didn’t really compute because as a kid, he’d been clingy. It took three months before he’d even sleep in his own bed. He climbed in with me every night.

He’d adjusted, gotten more independent over the years. But isolating? That seemed off-script.

Unless my leaving had written him a new one.

Bile climbed my throat. I swallowed hard, worried I might puke. If I’d damaged Axel more than he already was…

“Easy, now,” Holden murmured behind me. “You were a kid, but you’re stronger now. Let’s clear the air once and for all.”

I nodded once. Sucked in a breath that smelled like dogs and old cars.

Axel led us down a dirt road between mountains of piled-up junk, most of it old vehicles or their parts, but also some beat-up refrigerators and stoves, sheet metal, and other odds and ends.

An old RV bus sat in the center of the yard. Axel led us up the aluminum steps. A long pleather sofa ran along one wall. The driver’s and passenger’s seats faced the seating arrangement. Made sense. No one was driving this thing anymore.

A curtain was only half-closed, revealing the queen-sized bed that Axel slept in. Sugar trotted straight to it and made herself comfortable. The border collie stuck close to me, trying to stick her nose in my crotch. I pushed her face away as gently as I could.

“Sit,” Axel said. “Talk.”

Okay, then. Guess we were doing this.

I perched on the edge of the sofa, and Holden dropped down next to me. Axel and Bailey both took the bucket seats that were farther away. It felt symbolic, this distance between us.

“You all know I left suddenly. I didn’t say goodbye or anything. It all happened so fast, and I thought you were better off not knowing because the old man… He would have made you choose, you know? Between me and him. And as fucked as he was, you needed him more than me.”

Axel’s hands tightened around the chair’s arms. “You could have still said goodbye. Told us why you were leaving. Not made us wonder—” He stopped short, jaw clenching, but he didn’t have to say it.

He’d wondered if he’d done something wrong. If I’d cared about him at all.

“I’m sorry,” I rasped. “I thought I was saving you pain. You didn’t need to be dragged into my mess, you know?”

“What mess?” Bailey asked.

“Dad told me to leave. He said I wasn’t welcome anymore. Not under his roof. I wasn’t his son, and I wasn’t your brother.”

“What the fuck happened?” Axel asked.

The words clogged my throat as the memory hit again. Me on my knees. Dad walking in. Dallas throwing me under the bus and high-tailing it away.

I gave my brothers the condensed version. “The old man caught me with a guy.”

There was a beat of silence.

“You’re gay?” Bailey blurted.

“Yeah.” I glanced at Axel, who still hadn’t said anything. His stormy expression didn’t bode well. “Dad told me he didn’t want me infecting the rest of you. He told me to leave. It happened right then and there. He waited while I packed some things, shoved a few twenties into my hand, and watched until I was gone.”

“Oh my god,” Bailey murmured. “I can’t believe he never told us.”

“Deep down, he was ashamed,” Holden said. “That’s why he got so angry when anybody asked about Gray. He knew he’d done him wrong.”

Axel started laughing. It was a scary, jagged sound. “He was worried about you infecting us? Jesus Christ. If you had asked, I would have told you I liked dick too.”

“You like anything with a pulse,” Bailey muttered. “Not the same.”

Axel ignored him. His eyes were on mine, intense and manic. “Dad couldn’t make us both leave. Why didn’t you tell me, Gray? Huh? Why would you just let him fucking win?”

“Because he hated me!” I burst out. “And for all I knew, you would too! I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t take that risk. You’d either fight for me and get torn apart by him, or you’d side with him, and I’d be torn apart. I couldn’t?—”

My voice broke. My eyes burned with unshed tears. I thought I’d dealt with all these feelings so long ago. But sitting here facing down Axel’s betrayal was like a knife to the gut all over again. I was afraid I was going to bleed out.

“Bailey,” Holden said in a strained voice. “Please.”

I didn’t know what he was asking Bailey to do until my youngest brother was up and across the room. He dropped down beside me and put his arms around me.

Hugging me.

“This is for Holden,” he murmured. “But it’s for me too, okay? I’m sorry that shit happened to you. I’m sorry we blamed you for leaving.”

I shuddered and wrestled the tears back. I wouldn’t let the old man hurt me anymore. I just needed one thing.

I met Axel’s eyes as Bailey drew back.

“Is it too late, Ax? Can you forgive me for fucking up?”

“I wish you’d told me,” he said, softly now. “Things could have been so different, if only…”

“He was a kid too,” Holden said. “He was scared and hurting. You know we’re all fucked-up because of how we grew up. Gray lost his parents, and then Dad took away his home. You know that would have done a number on any of us.”

Axel sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. The little devil Taz jumped into his lap and nuzzled his throat, offering comfort. The border collie leaned against my knee, and I had to admit, her presence was helping me stay grounded.

Maybe I was starting to understand why he took in these animals. Why he kept them closer than the rest of us.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Axel said, locking eyes on Holden. “It’s why you asked him to come back.”

“Not right away,” Holden said. “I tracked him down.”

Axel snorted. “Of course you fucking did. You’re such a control freak.”

“That’s what I said,” I muttered.

Axel laughed, but this one sounded a little more sane. “Fucking hell. You couldn’t just tell us and save all this drama?”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Holden said. “But…there is something else we should talk about. I think we’ve had enough secrets.”

“What now?” Axel asked.

“It’s about the business…”

Holden filled them in on what Emory told us, along with our efforts to find a solution. Which didn’t amount to much success just yet.

“Fuck me, I need a drink,” Axel said when Holden finished summing up how screwed we were.

“Me too,” I said. “I was going to head over to the pool hall.”

“I’m in,” Holden said.

“Yeah, me too,” Bailey said. “I can’t drink yet, but I could eat.”

Right on cue, my stomach protested loudly. Axel snorted a laugh. “Well, hell, we better go before Gray’s stomach kills us all.”

We stood, and Bailey and Holden filed out. I hesitated as I neared Axel. “I should have?—”

“It’s done.” He grabbed me in a hard hug, slapping my back. “You’re here now.”

“I am, yeah.”

He pushed me back, eyes on mine. “I know you might not stay for good, but promise you won’t ever fucking leave without a word like that again.”

“I promise.”

“I will hunt you down if you do, and I will kick your ass.”

I chuckled. “I believe you.”

He nodded once. “Okay, then. Let’s move on. We’ll add one more fuckup to the Dad column. He was an asshole to the end.”

“Yeah. Good thing we had Mom, huh? She gave us a fighting chance.”

Axel smiled. “Yeah, Mom was great. I wish…”

“Me too. Like you wouldn’t believe.”

With a nod, he pushed me toward the door. I went down the steps and took a deep breath.

Despite the humid night, it was the first easy breath I’d taken since I’d arrived. It felt as if I’d excised a wound, drained the poison. It still hurt, but it was a healing pain.

I’d always have the scar of what the old man did to me and, in turn, what I’d done to my brothers.

But I’d carry it with my others, knowing that I was stronger than anything that had happened to me. And so were they.