Page 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Emory

Gray picked up my laptop bag—still lying on the front passenger seat—as he climbed into my car.

“Just toss it in the back,” I said, hitting the Start button and checking my rearview mirror.

While I reversed out of the parking spot, Gray moved in my peripheral vision, twisting to put my bag in the back.

“Whoops. Something fell out.” I glanced over to see him holding my sketch pad. “What’s this?”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” I said quickly. “Just throw it?—”

Gray flipped it open, whistling through his teeth as he got a look at the first page. “Holy hell, golden boy. You said you were an artist, but I had no idea you were this good.”

I hit the blinker and checked the road before turning onto the blacktop that ran alongside the pool hall. “It’s not a big deal. I just do it to relax.”

“You’re pretty damn talented,” Gray said as he turned the page. “These almost look like…”

He trailed off, as if uncertain of himself.

“Tattoos?” I prompted with a self-conscious chuckle. “Yeah, your ink inspired me, I guess. I’ve been doodling some designs.”

“You call this doodling?” He snorted. “They’re gorgeous, Emory. I mean, I know not everyone respects tattoo art, and it’s not like I know much about other art forms, but I can tell you from the perspective of a guy who gets a lot of ink that these are really impressive.”

“I wasn’t trying to disrespect tattoo art,” I said, glancing sidelong at the ink decorating Gray’s arms. “Obviously, it inspires me.”

“In more ways than one,” Gray said as he slipped one hand onto my thigh. “Sometimes I think you lusted after my ink more than me.”

“Not even close,” I said with a smile. “But it is very hot.”

He grinned and leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Drive faster. I need to get you in my bed.”

I sucked in a breath, pressing the gas pedal and edging a few miles over the speed limit. Not enough to get pulled over, just enough to hurry the fuck up.

The Forrester Auto turn came up on the left. I flipped on my blinker and took it.

Gray went back to perusing the sketchbook.

“Hm. This one is different.” My heart lurched. Had he found— “Still beautiful, but kind of sad?”

Gray stared down at the tree, barren branches reaching in all directions, one small figure among them, as the sky cried teardrops.

The image I’d done in memory of my brother.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel. I’d never shown anyone that image before, even though I’d drawn and painted dozens of versions of it.

Not even Allison.

“Emory?” Gray prompted. “You okay?”

I realized I’d stopped the car halfway down the drive and sat staring at the sketchbook page. With a start, I pressed the gas pedal and drove over the rutted tracks to the house.

Gray didn’t push for answers, remaining quiet until I’d parked and killed the engine.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Did you not want me to see this?”

I pulled the sketchbook from his hands and closed it. “It’s fine. We’ve just got other priorities tonight.”

He raised an eyebrow. Before he could ask me more questions, I wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Bless Gray, because the man knew how to take a hint. He met my urgent mouth, letting my tongue in to slide along his. He still tasted like malty beer, and I drank him down faster than my pint back at Ball Breakers.

When my hands delved under his shirt, he pulled back. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

I nodded, relieved.

He stopped me before I could get out the door. “I just need to say one thing.”

Shit, I knew that was too easy. I braced myself for questions that would open that ugly pit in my stomach and kill any hopes of a sexy night ahead.

He cupped my face, meeting my eyes. “Whatever you don’t want to talk about, I’m not going to make you. Just know that I’m here if you ever do want to talk about it. I’d like to know the real you, Emory.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, casting my gaze down, unable to take the warmth in his dark eyes. “Not right now, okay?”

“Not until you’re ready,” he said.

He released me to get out of the car. I followed him into the house and up the stairs to his room. When we got there, Gray pulled out his phone and sent a text message.

“Making sure my brothers stay out late tonight.” He tossed his phone on the bedside table and pulled me against him. “I want to take my time with you.”

I leaned in, expecting a kiss, but he bypassed my mouth and traced his tongue over the shell of my ear.

“I’ll give you anything you want tonight, Em. My mouth. My ass. My dick.”

I shuddered. “Oh god. I want it all.”

“Greedy,” he murmured, sounding amused. “But that’s okay. I can work with that.”

He slipped his fingers to my shirt, unworking the buttons. As the fabric parted, he bent to kiss along my collarbone, then down the center of my chest.

He pushed my shirt wide as he unfastened the last button, and I shrugged it off as he went to his knees. He nipped my stomach, making me gasp, then chuckled, hot breath tickling my twitching abs before his tongue traced a fiery line between my navel and my waistband.

My cock grew impossibly hard, pressing against my jeans.

I grasped his shoulders, anticipating the moment he turned all that focus to my dick, but he grabbed my waist and spun me instead. I stumbled, nearly toppling over, and braced myself against the bed.

Then, while I was bent over and disoriented, he reached around to open my jeans and tug them past my hips. He pulled them all the way down, helping me step out of each leg, then stripped my underwear off too.

I peeked over my shoulder just as he cupped my ass cheeks in his large hands and spread me open. He licked his lips as his gaze zeroed in on my asshole.

But that wasn’t enough for him. He reached forward, using his thumbs to spread my hole.

Heat flooded my face. I’d never been so exposed. He wasn’t just looking at me; he was looking inside of me.

Which is where he might soon be…

Butterflies took off in my stomach, and my breathing went haywire.

Gray’s lips brushed my left ass cheek, the scratch of his stubble following the warm kiss. “You okay up there, golden boy?”

“Y-yeah.”

“You’re trembling.” He smoothed a hand up my spine. “You know you’re safe with me, don’t you? We can stop right now.”

“Don’t stop,” I whispered.

“Are you sure?”

“Please, Gray. Just do something.”

He laughed at my frustrated tone, but thankfully, he stopped staring and leaned in to lap at my hole. His tongue was hot and wet, stroking nerve endings awake with gentle flicks, until I was a trembling mess for a whole other reason.

“More,” I croaked.

He pressed one finger inside, and it was sweet relief even as the stretch burned. I groaned and shoved my ass back. The side table drawer rattled behind me, and then a second finger slid in, this one cold and slick with lube.

Gray found my prostate in seconds, making me jerk with a startled gasp.

“There you go,” he murmured. “You want my dick in there, golden boy? Making you feel good.”

“Fuck,” I moaned.

“Is that a yes?” He plunged his fingers deep, twisting, making me groan.

“Yes.” I whimpered with need. “Please, Gray.”

He pulled away, leaving my hole stinging, yet I ached for more rough treatment. He stood up behind me, and I gazed over my shoulder, realizing he was still dressed.

Heat flashed through me again, arousal that I was naked and desperate while he looked so controlled.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” he growled as he yanked open his jeans and shoved them down enough to bare his cock. He rolled on a condom, and as he slicked it with lube, I noticed the tremor in his fingers.

Not so controlled, then. Good.

“I’m dying to be in you, but you stop me if I go too fast,” he ordered. “It’s going to hurt. No way around that, but I want you to enjoy it.”

I bit my lip, glancing at his cock, significantly larger than his fingers. “Will you fit?”

He smiled. “Golden boy, your body was made to take me. Don’t worry about that.”

I nodded, exhaling slowly. “Okay, then. Enough waiting.”

He pressed his cockhead against my hole and pushed forward. My rim burned as it stretched wide and then wider yet as he forced his way in.

I hissed in pain, body tensing up.

He stopped, only an inch or two inside me, and stroked a hand up and down my spine. “Easy, Em. Relax. Take a few deep breaths.”

I did as he said, willing my body to unclench and let him move.

Gray reached around, fondling my mostly soft dick, bringing it back to life with a few strokes. Pleasure slowly unfurled, muting the pain.

He kissed my neck, working my erogenous zones, and I moaned as my arousal surged back.

Gray was so patient, kissing and licking and touching me, turning me on until I whimpered with desperation and shoved my ass back for more.

“There you are,” he murmured, tweaking a nipple and rolling his hips forward.

I gasped as my ass spread even further, allowing the widest part of his shaft inside me.

Gray took it slowly, working his hips forward and back, going just an inch deeper with every gentle thrust, until finally he was fully inside.

“You’re so big,” I murmured.

“Mm. You’re so tight.” He caressed one cheek. “You feel incredible.”

I shifted restlessly. “Need you to fuck me.”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he teased.

He pulled back, far enough I thought he was going to pull out completely. Just as the ridge of his cockhead caught on my rim, he plunged forward, the full length of him punching into me.

I cried out as he hit my prostate. That must have broken his restraint because he cursed and began fucking me in earnest. I grabbed fistfuls of the sheets, holding on for the ride as he held my hips in a bruising grip and pounded into me.

“God, it’s too good,” Gray said between clenched teeth. “Gonna come too soon.”

I made a distressed sound. As good as it felt now that I’d adjusted to the stretch and burn, I was nowhere near coming.

I fumbled for my cock, stroking it as he fucked me.

“Not yet, Gray,” I pleaded. “I can’t get there yet.”

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Not gonna leave you hanging. I promised you my mouth, my dick, and my ass.”

Huh?

He pulled out of me suddenly, my ass protesting the quick exit.

“What the?—”

He flipped me over, then shoved my body farther up the bed, his hands none too gentle.

My protests died on my lips as he stripped off the condom. My stomach gave a sick twist. Had I ruined everything by telling him I couldn’t come?

“Did I do something wrong?”

He yanked open the drawer. “No, sweetheart. You’re perfect. I just need… Where the hell is it?” He rifled about in the drawer, then withdrew his hand with a sound of victory. He clutched another condom.

Had the first one broken? Why…

He placed it over the tip of my cock and started rolling it down.

“Oh my god,” I uttered as realization hit.

Gray bared his teeth in a feral grin. “Gotta try it all to see what you like best, right?”

He grabbed the back of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Kicked off his jeans and boxer briefs, stripping until he was as bare as me. Then he climbed onto the bed, swinging one muscular thigh over my body.

“Talk to me, Emory. Do you want this?”

I bit my bottom lip, gazing up at the big, muscular man straddling me. Beefy thighs, thick hard-on that had just split me in half, built chest with those pecs I’d admired in that Insta pic now heaving for breath above me. And his shoulders? Damn. So broad and strong.

Dark ink swirled and dipped, dancing across his skin, turning him into a beautiful, breathing work of art.

He was the very image of masculine perfection, and he was offering himself to me. Who in their right mind would ever say no to that?

“Emory?” he prompted. “If you’d rather not?—”

“Fuck, please, yes,” I burst out. “I’ll always want you.”

“Okay, then.” He eased forward, crouching to position himself over my dick. With a steady hand, he lined me up.

“Can you take me with no prep?” I asked, suddenly worried.

He winked. “Don’t worry. Not my first rodeo.”

He pressed down, utterly relaxed as his body took me in. He was so freaking hot inside, but tight too, squeezing around me.

My eyes rolled back. “Oh, fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good,” I managed, sliding a hand up his stomach.

His muscles shifted under my hand as he rose and fell on my cock, blasting pleasure through me.

My eyes flew open. I needed to see that gorgeous body flexing on me. He had thrown his head back, baring his strong throat, and the most delicious sounds were coming out of him, still deep and gravelly but soaked with the darkest pleasure I’d ever heard.

He took my dick hard and fast—making me aware of just how gentle he’d actually been when our roles were reversed—one hand jerking his cock at a frantic pace.

Within seconds, I was right on the edge of coming.

“Gray!”

“Do it,” he growled at me.

My back arched, and I bucked up, shoving deeper inside him as I came hard.

“Fuck!” Gray grunted, and droplets of warm cum rained down over my stomach and chest. He kept stroking even as he sprayed, drawing out his pleasure.

His ass clenched and released around me, fluttering along with his orgasm.

I shuddered, my cock giving one last weak pulse as his body rippled around me. Then he sagged forward, and I tried to catch him.

Damn, he was a big man. The air was crushed out of my lungs, and I wheezed.

“Sorry.” He pulled off of me and flopped to the side, still breathing hard.

I sat up to remove the condom, and Gray pointed toward a trash can on the other side of the bed. I tied it shut and tossed it in, then collapsed back onto the pillow.

“Wow, that was…”

“Good?”

“Really good.” I rolled my head, grinning. “But I was going to say a little advanced for a first time.”

He chuckled. “I figured you could handle it. You’re a quick study.”

“Well, I was the class president,” I joked.

“That you were.”

I grimaced. “Bad joke? I know school isn’t your happy place.”

“It’s fine, Em. I’m not triggered by mentions of high school just because I don’t want to relive it.”

“I don’t want to relive it either,” I said. “Honestly, I think I went through all that time in a fugue state. I lived on autopilot for a long time.”

“Why?”

I hesitated. “Ah, you know. Tried to fit in even though I didn’t really. I’m just good at showing people what they want to see.”

Gray smoothed my hair back. “And what about me? Are you just showing me what you think I want to see?”

“It’s different with you.”

His eyes met mine. “I hope so. Because all I want to see is you, golden boy. Whoever that guy is, I want to know him.”

I bit my lip, considering. I didn’t like talking about my brother. It brought up all sorts of pain that people didn’t understand. But Gray had lost his whole family as a kid. If he couldn’t understand, who could?

He sat up. “I guess we should clean up.”

“My brother died when I was ten.”

He stilled. “Did I know that?”

I shrugged. “The news made it around town, but you’ve always been kind of on the outskirts, so…”

“Shit, I did hear something, but it was around the time Axel arrived, and he was in bad shape. Our family was kind of in chaos, but I can’t believe I didn’t realize he was your brother. I’m so sorry, golden boy.”

“Don’t apologize.” My eyes burned, and I wasn’t even sure if the sudden swell of grief was for me or him. “You lost your parents. You had your own loss to deal with.”

“Yeah.” He slipped his hand around the back of my neck, squeezing. “I didn’t realize we had so much in common. I wish we didn’t.”

“That sketch in the car…” I paused and cleared my throat. “It’s from the day he died. The tree.”

“The figure in the tree? That was him?”

I nodded.

“He fell?”

I nodded again, my throat too tight to speak.

“Was it really raining or…”

“No, those are my parents’ tears. They rained for weeks, months. I couldn’t cry, not after they told us he was dead. Before then, it was all waterworks, but after—” I stopped, finding it hard to breathe.

Gray pulled me in against his chest, holding me and stroking my hair. Comforting me.

I pulled away. “Don’t feel sorry for me. It’s my fault. It’s my fault he died. I don’t deserve any comfort. I’ve been trying to make up for it my whole life, but there is no making up for it.” I shook my head hard. “I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be with you. I’m just so fucking selfish, Gray. I should be giving my family anything they want, not…not…”

“Living for you?”

“What right do I have to live for me when he doesn’t get to live at all?”

I rolled out of the bed. “I should go. I need to go.”

“You’re not alone, Em,” he said, but he didn’t know the whole story. He didn’t understand.

“I feel responsible for my parents’ deaths too,” Gray said. “I carry that with me. I always will. That survivor’s guilt. But I can’t change it. And neither can you. Being the perfect child will never take away that loss for your parents.”

I sucked in a harsh breath. “Great. Thanks.”

He came around the bed, standing in front of me, grasping my shoulders. “You were just a kid, Emory. You lost your brother. That’s not your fault.”

“You don’t know what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter what happened,” he countered. “You were a child. Accidents happen.”

“It wasn’t an accident,” I exclaimed. “He jumped out of that tree. He jumped out of it because I wouldn’t. It was just a stupid game. He died for a game that I wanted to play! Only I was too chicken to take that dare, and Adam was never afraid of anything.”

“Jesus, Emory.”

“So now you see? I might as well have pushed him myself.”

“No. You didn’t make him do that. You were afraid to take that dare, and you were right to be. It was too dangerous.”

“He was supposed to jump into the lake. He misjudged it. Maybe I’d have made it if I took the dare. If I hadn’t been too scared.”

“Or maybe you’d have died instead, and before you say it, that would not be better, Emory. Don’t even think it.”

“But my brother—” My voice broke.

Gray pulled me in and held me tight. “I know,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry you had to lose him. Sorry you had to see it happen. But you’ve got to let this guilt go, Em. It’ll eat you alive.”

I sank into his hold, ashamed that his words comforted me. Knowing he had endured so much worse than me. I’d lost my brother, but he’d lost his family. His home. Been tossed into foster care. Then lost that family as well.

“You’re too good for me,” I whispered into his neck.

“No, golden boy. You’re the good one.” He squeezed me a little tighter. “I’m so damn lucky to be holding you right now.”

“Holding me together,” I mumbled.

“Maybe it’s time you let someone do that. I’m guessing it doesn’t happen often.”

I sighed, suddenly exhausted. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get back into bed. I’ll hold you all night.”

I hesitated, and he ducked his head to meet my eyes, a gentle smile tugging at his lips. “It’s nothing I haven’t done for Axel and Bailey. We all know pain, Em, but we don’t have to be alone with it.”

I relented. “Okay. Allison is still at my apartment with her boyfriend, anyway.”

Gray kissed my forehead. “Climb in and get warm. I’ll grab a warm cloth to clean us up. Then we can sleep.”

I nodded, eyes already heavy.

Telling Gray was hard. I was emotionally exhausted. But now that he knew and hadn’t condemned me? Relief swept in. Maybe all this time, I’d been waiting for someone to notice my pain, to acknowledge it, and to tell me that I wasn’t a terrible human being.

It wasn’t fair to Adam for me to put down this burden. He’d lost his life. I’d never forget that. But I was so, so tired of carrying it.

I’d lived for him—for my parents and everyone who lost him—for so long, though. Would I even know how to change after all these years?