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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Emory

“My clothes are done,” Gray called from the hall, where my stackable washer and dryer units stood. “I could run out and pick up some movie snacks, if you want?”

I rolled out of bed, where we’d napped and cuddled all afternoon. I wasn’t feeling better , exactly, but wallowing with a sexy man you loved definitely made it easier to cope.

Or at least to avoid thinking too much.

“I’ll go.” I opened my dresser drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxer briefs, then shorts and a tee. “Bad enough I borrowed my mom’s car without asking. I probably shouldn’t lend it out.”

Gray returned to the bedroom just as I finished dressing. He’d pulled on his jeans and tank top that I’d run through the laundry.

“I grabbed your phone off the bathroom floor. It’s been ringing?—”

He held it out, and it vibrated in his hand as he spoke, another call coming in. I took it from him and checked the screen. I wasn’t ready to talk to my parents, but it was a good sign if they were calling, right? Maybe they’d only want to yell at me for taking off, but at least they hadn’t given up on me.

The caller ID showed it was the Sheriff’s Department. What the hell?

I hit Connect and raised the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Emory, this is Deputy Harvey. You better get down here.”

“What? But?—”

In the background, yelling broke out. “…come near my son ever again!”

Was that my dad’s voice?

The sheriff’s booming tones followed, something about throwing him in a cell even if he was a big shot.

“Your dad and the sheriff got into it over what happened with you and Dallas. I need you to get him out of here before he gets locked up.”

“Oh my god. I’ll be right there.”

I stuffed my phone into my back pocket and shoved my feet into some flip-flops.

“What’s going on?” Gray asked.

“My dad’s over there laying into the sheriff.”

“No shit?”

“I think…” My heart skipped a beat. “I think he’s defending my honor or something.” I gave a watery laugh. “He still cares.”

Gray pulled me into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Of course he does.”

“I have to go.”

“Then I’m going with you. Who knows what you’re going to be walking into.”

I hesitated, unsure if my dad was really ready to see us together. Then again, he already knew the truth, and he was fighting for me. Either way, I loved Gray, and he loved me. It was time to stop hiding this part of my life.

“Okay, let’s go.”

We made it to the jail in four minutes. I swerved into a parking spot, parking half over the line on the passenger side, but I wasn’t about to take time to fix it. We hopped out and headed for the door at a jog.

Deputy Harvey opened the front door, waving us in. Voices echoed from down the hall.

“They’re in his office. Come on.”

The Sheriff’s Department and the county jail inhabited two different sides of the same building. We followed Deputy Harvey through the hallway that connected them, past reception, and directly to the sheriff’s office door.

It stood open, my dad and Sheriff Hale facing off across the desk. The sheriff was red in the face and seething.

“How dare you make these accusations? My son is not gay!”

“He’s gay enough to harass my son, and you need to do something about it. The folks around here didn’t elect you to give your son a free pass!”

“Like hell!” the sheriff blustered. “He’s got no interest in that queer shit. He’s got a nice girl over in Omaha that he sees.”

Yeah, that nice girl was a gay bar, most likely.

They both drew breath, looking ready to go for another round, as we stepped through the door.

“Dad, let’s go,” I said. “He’s not going to do anything. That’s why I never reported it.”

Dad turned to me, eyes red-rimmed. An anger that I didn’t recognize twisted his features. “That’s unacceptable! He’s the goddamned sheriff, and he should act like it.”

“I can slap cuffs on you anytime you want,” the sheriff shot back.

“Let’s all calm down,” Deputy Harvey suggested, earning him a glower from his boss. He was a brave man to wade into the middle of this mess. “Emory, take your dad out of here, okay? Let’s not let this escalate.”

“What about Dallas?” Dad insisted. “He can’t just run around harassing people.”

“I’ll talk to Dallas and put an end to it,” Harvey said firmly.

The sheriff huffed. “Now, just a minute! Don’t tell me you’re listening to these lies.”

“They’re not lies,” Gray spoke up behind me. “I caught Dallas roughing up Emory weeks ago. And back in high school, he hooked up with me. Got me outed with my foster dad and run out of town.”

A vein in the side of the sheriff’s temple bulged. The man was going to pop a blood vessel if he wasn’t careful. “Bullshit!”

“I have some evidence on my phone of the harassment.”

I pulled up some of the texts and photos Dallas had sent before I’d blocked his accounts. I handed the phone over.

The sheriff stared down at the phone, face going from red to purple. He thrust it back at me.

“Disgusting.” He shook his head. “No, it can’t be…” He picked up the receiver without looking any of us in the eye. He stabbed buttons with his index finger. Clack. Clack. Clack!

“Dallas,” he barked after a pause. “I’m hearing some nasty rumors about you, and they better not be true. You told me you were done with this shit!”

Harvey ushered us out of the office as the sheriff laid into his son, angry homophobic slurs pouring from his mouth.

My stomach twisted with guilt. We’d outed Dallas—although, based on the shouting, the sheriff wasn’t totally unaware. He’d tried to force the gay out of Dallas. That always turned out so well for everyone.

Harvey escorted us out of the building, nicely but firmly asking us not to return anytime soon.

Dad looked him in the eye. “Make sure I don’t have any reason to return.”

“Yes, sir,” Harvey said. “Dallas won’t be a problem for Emory anymore. You’ve got my word.”

“We’ll hold you to that,” my dad said. “Either way, it might be time to find another candidate for sheriff.”

Harvey’s brow creased. “Sheriff Hale has held office a long time. He’s run unopposed for years.”

“He sure has,” Dad said. “Time for a change, maybe? If we found the right man?”

Gray clapped a hand to Harvey’s arm. “You’ve got my vote.”

Harvey stuttered out, “Oh, well, I don’t know…”

“Think it over,” Dad told him. “Change is hard, but it’s not always a bad thing.”

He looked at me, his eyes so full of love that made my heart squeeze. “Sometimes, we don’t even know we need that change until it’s kicking us in the ass.”

I threw my arms around my dad, hugging him tight. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize for being who you are,” Dad said, patting my back. “We should have seen something wasn’t right. We let you down.”

Harvey discreetly returned to the building, leaving us on the sidewalk outside.

When I pulled back, Gray held out his hand to my father. “You’re a good man. I apologize for my part in getting Emory into trouble.”

Dad shook his hand. “No, son, I’m sorry for judging you unfairly. If Emory likes you, then there must be good reason for it. My son has always had good judgment. I lost sight of that for a minute.”

“What now?” I asked.

“Now,” Dad said with a sigh, “I need a drink.”

Gray chuckled. “I could be on board with that.”

I gaped. My dad never drank except at the occasional holiday or barbecue. But I guess a shouting match with the sheriff counted as a special occasion.

We drove over to the Fieldhouse sports bar and took a booth in the corner. It was late afternoon, and the place was dead, so we could talk without eavesdroppers, at least.

“Tell me everything,” Dad said once we’d ordered a round of beers and a bowl of peanuts to snack on. “How long have you wanted to date men?”

“Um, it’s kind of hard to pinpoint,” I said. “I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t really get serious about it until everyone started talking about me and Allison getting married.”

He frowned. “We were pushy.”

“Just a little,” I said.

“You and Allison always seemed like a good fit.” He flicked a look at Gray. “No offense, son.”

Gray took a sip of beer. “None taken.”

“Allison is great,” I said. “She’s my best friend. I’ll call her later and tell her everything because that’s what we do. But we’re not meant to be. She’s got someone.” I reached for Gray’s hand on the table. “And so do I.”

Dad dug into the peanuts. “All right, then, as long as you’re happy.”

“I am.”

He shelled a peanut, then popped it into his mouth and chewed. Chased it with a gulp of beer. I could tell he was stewing over something.

“What you said today, right before you left…”

I winced. That comment about my brother had spilled out of me, but it wasn’t fair to my parents. “Forget that.”

“No, I can’t,” he said seriously. “Do you really believe we loved your brother any more than you?”

“No. I know that’s not it. I just…I’m not the son you want. Maybe he would have been.”

“Why would you say that?” Dad sounded a little angry. “Don’t you dare say you’re not the son I want. I love you. Your mom and grandpa love you to pieces, Emory. Where is this coming from?”

I bit down on my lip, shaking my head. I didn’t know how to say it. I turned pleading eyes on Gray, and he seemed to understand what I needed.

“Emory feels a lot of guilt about his brother’s death,” Gray said quietly. “He’s tried to fill that void by being the perfect son to you, but what he thinks you want and what he actually wants for himself don’t always line up.”

“Like with Allison,” Dad said.

I shrugged. “You guys want grandkids. That’s fair. I thought I could eventually get married, even if it wasn’t Allison, and give you that, but…”

I looked at Gray sitting beside me, so supportive and loving. I couldn’t ever give him up. Not even for my parents.

“But you’re in love with a man,” Dad filled in.

My cheeks warmed. It was still so new. It was strange hearing my father comment on it. “Yeah.”

“I love him too,” Gray murmured with a small smile.

“You’d better,” Dad said with a chuckle. “But being with a man doesn’t mean you can’t have a family. There’s surrogacy or adoption. If you want children, that is. Don’t go starting a family for our sake. I think you’ve worried about us enough already.”

My heart quickened. “You mean that? You’re really okay with this.”

“Emory, I’m okay with anything that makes you happy. Your mother will be too. In fact, she’s probably damn worried. Why don’t we head over and talk this all out? We all loved Adam, and we were all devastated to lose him, but we don’t want to lose you too. You need to know that we love you for you , and we’d never want you to be a replica of your brother. You were two different people, and we always loved you equally.”

“But it’s my fault he’s gone.”

“No.” He leaned forward, placing a hand on my forearm and squeezing. “You were children, and it was a tragic accident. Kids have been jumping out of that tree into the river for years. It was terrible luck, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“He jumped because I wouldn’t, and the other kids were teasing me about it.”

“If you’d jumped, we’d have lost you, and that wouldn’t be any better, Emory. Just different. Understand?”

My heart ached for my lost brother, but for the first time, I realized it was different for me and my parents. Adam had been my only brother, and I’d thought that if I could only trade places with him…

But my parents had two children they loved. They wouldn’t have traded one for the other. My brother’s loss cut deeply, but mine would have too.

No matter how hard I’d tried to be everything they wanted in a son—I’d never make up for that loss. They’d always carry it, just as I did. But maybe…maybe it wasn’t so bad I wanted different things than my brother might have.

I could never replace him. And it was time I stopped trying.