Page 32 of Out of My Mind

“Right.” Gideon returned to his bedroom.

Mac couldn’t believe what just transpired. It was the classic “I was so drunk” straight guy excuse, like something out of a movie. And if it were any other guy, he would’ve taken it. He would’ve been hurt and confused, but he would’ve kept his mouth closed.

But not with Gideon.

He kicked the bedroom door open. Gideon burst off his bed in surprise.

“Bullshit,” Mac yelled. “Total, complete, abject bullshit.”

“We were drunk.”

“Bullshit! Bullshit on every straight guy who uses that excuse and expects the gay guy to accept it. We don’t. We’re not stupid!”

“Well, bullshit on you for making me speak first.”

“Don’t use the ‘I was so drunk’ excuse, Gideon.”

“I was!”

“No guy in the history of existence is so drunk that he doesn’t realize that he’s jerking off another dude. If you were so drunk you didn’t know what was happening last night, then you would’ve been too drunk to get it up. And we both know that is not true.”

“Okay!” Gideon said. He slammed his door shut, as if he were afraid of the zero-percent chance that someone could hear them. “We fooled around. People fool around when they’re drunk and it’s late at night.”

“Was this the first time you…with another guy?”

Gideon looked down. Mac could see the fragile guy behind the brave face.

“Yeah.”

“Look, last night…happened. Let’s not pretend it didn’t.”

“Fine. I just don’t want to analyze it.” Gideon sat on his bed, staring out the window.

An experience like this was meant for nothing but analyzing. Lines were crossed. New ground was broken. But Mac knew when to stop pushing, or else he’d push Gideon away. Even though they were just supposed to be roommates, he knew there was a friendship on the line here.

“You know we can’t ignore it,” Mac said. “I, I liked it.”

He thought he saw Gideon’s lips quirk up in a quick smile in the window’s reflection.

“I liked it, too.”

Mac took a tentative step toward the bed. Gideon turned to him.

“I still think girls are hot.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it. I enjoy having sex with girls. I’m not gay,” he said to himself as much as to Mac.

Even if he wasn’t convinced, it still stung to hear Gideon say that. In his head, he thought this conversation might go differently.Gideon is your friend. Don’t ruin it.

“I’m not gay. But fuck, that was really cool. It was new and…I don’t know.”

“You’re curious.” Mac took another step. He was barely an inch from the bed. “Curious is okay.”

“It is?”

“Lots of people are curious. I mean, that’s how I figured out I was gay.”