Page 18 of Out of My Mind

“We still need to get you a dresser.”

Mac turned around to face him. The non-banana was in his hands. Mac blushed. Gideon was right there with him.

“That fell out, too,” Gideon said, straining through each word. He didn’t know the right way to talk to a friend about his giant, yellow dildo.

“Oh, sorry.”

Gideon noticed he handled it with care. “It’s not going to break.”

“It was expensive, so…”

“You want to take care of it.”

Gideon had never seen him so red. Even though that toy attacked him, Gideon felt bad. Jewish guilt. Extending to every aspect of his life now.

“I thought it was an old banana,” Gideon said, breaking the tension suffocating the room. “It’s definitely not a banana.”

“Thanks for cleaning up my stuff.” Mac checked the last of his toppled items.

Gideon didn’t understand why he said what he said next. Either his brain was two steps ahead of him, or off on another planet. But when it came out, he didn’t completely regret asking the question because a part of him genuinely wanted to know the answer.

“Does it hurt?”

Mac held the dildo and looked at it to make sure that’s what Gideon meant. “Hurt is the wrong word.”

“Obviously, you like it.”

“There’s some discomfort at first, but it’s an exciting discomfort, like getting your ears pierced, I think. But you get used to it. Then it feels amazing, like you’re in the middle of a fireworks display.”

“It looks like it would hurt.”

“Well, I’d use lube, of course.”

“Right,” Gideon said, as if he knew any of that. For all the sex he’d had, he felt like a neophyte. “It’s that amazing?”

“Are you talking about this or the real thing?” Mac asked.

Gideon gave some type of nod, and Mac seemed to get that meant the latter. He’d never been so tongue-tied. He didn’t want to speak, only listen.

“Coming when someone’s inside you is one of the most intense things I’ve ever experienced. You just lose complete fucking control.” Mac put the dildo back into the crate and bolted into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water. “Wow, that was a huge overshare. I’m sorry.”

Gideon wanted to be icked out, but he was intrigued. More intrigued than he should’ve been. By the actual sex act and the losing control part. He had some activity happening in his pants. He wanted to hear more, even though he knew he should leave it alone. “So are you, like, a bottom then?”

“I like doing both.”

“Do gay guys do both usually?”

“I don’t know. The ones I’ve been with, yes.”

“How do you guys decide?”

“Coin toss.”

Gideon hung his neck forward. “What? Like at a football game?”

“That was a joke.” Mac was the only one who found it funny. Like, he was actually smiling. One of his nice, floppy smiles.I should not be cataloguing Mac’s smiles.

Mac brushed past him into the sun porch. He took out the dildo and twirled it in his hand like a baton. “I was wondering when we’d have this conversation.”