Page 26

Mike

T he weight I’ve been carrying for years has lifted a bit after telling Danielle about my past. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am worth something. All I want to do is cling to her so she can’t run away again. Danielle is the first woman outside of my family to tell me she loves me back. The ball of anxiety in me is slowly starting to unfurl, but it’s still there.

“It’s hard for me to believe I deserve it,” I admit, running my fingers down her back.

“I love you, Mike,” she repeats. The second time stings less than the first, like jumping back into a pool after you are already wet. My body is more willing to accept her words. “Whatever happened in the past, you’re not that guy anymore, and I should never have implied you were. I’m sorry I made you doubt yourself.”

“No more apologies today. Just truth. Deal?” I kiss the tip of her nose. All I want to do is put this conversation behind us, pull her on top of me, and carry on where we left off last night. But what happens now isn’t completely up to me. I need to follow her lead.

“The truth is I love you so much.” The words leave her mouth for the third time, healing a little piece of me every time I hear her repeat them. “But it scares me.” She lays her head on my chest and I put my arm around her.

This time there are tears on her cheeks, and the lump forming in my throat feels like it might be big enough to choke me. I understand why loving me could be scary. I’ll put in the work every day to prove to her that what we have is worth it, but that will take time.

“Don’t cry, baby. Please,” I beg.

She doesn’t try to stop the tears, just swipes a hand down her cheek to brush them away. “This is a lot to think about. I’m still nervous about your career stealing you away from here,” she whispers. I squeeze her gently with the arm I have wrapped around her body.

“To be honest, so am I. I don’t know where I’ll be playing in a year or two.” I can’t offer her that stability.

“I was going to ask if we could take it slow, but clearly I don’t want to.” She lets out a little laugh and points to the position we are in right now, naked in my bed.

“We still can if that’s what you want. Whatever you need.”

“That’s not what I want.”

It would be reasonable. We haven’t known each other long, and it’s true that I may still get called away. I won’t push for more than she is ready to give. But I don’t need to go slow either. I’m already hers.

“What I want is you,” she says.

“Well, good. Because same.” I kiss her one more time before I change the subject. “Now that we have that settled, tell me more about my girlfriend.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh, and what’s your favorite dinosaur? Think carefully because your answers will absolutely be held against you.” I put my hands behind my head, elbows out, and attempt to lighten the mood with a series of silly questions. It doesn’t take her long to decide she likes chocolate croissants and Pteranodons. I go for the more obvious T-Rex and a burrito bowl, because one: it’s a T-Rex, and two: if I have to live on something for that long, it should probably be balanced enough that I won’t lose muscle mass. She giggles and tells me that sounds like a smart plan.

My eyes are closed while she runs her hands through my hair and her nails lightly scratch my scalp. “What else do you want to know?” She asks.

“Hmm. If you could be anything, what would you be?”

“Anything?”

“Yep. Anything.”

“And I have to be honest?”

“Those are the rules, so yeah.”

“The answer is so silly, it hardly seems worth telling you. It’s not like it will ever happen.” She takes her hands out of my hair and folds them on her stomach.

I open my eyes again to stare at her. "Try me. I literally play my favorite game for a living.”

“Okay. In that case, I would own a book van,” she says, curling into me.

“What’s that?”

“You know how everyone would get so excited for the book fair when we were kids? It would be like that, but for all ages. I would sell books out of the window, like the ice cream man or a food truck.”

“Only this would be food for your imagination?”

“Exactly. But I know it’s dumb.” She shrugs.

“Why do you think it’s dumb? I think it sounds like a great idea.” I turn to her, propping myself up on one bent arm, and using my other hand to twirl her hair around my finger.

“Really?” She brightens. I could listen to her talk about her dream all day.

She says she has never told anyone about the idea before, but she thinks about it a lot. How cool it would be to drive around to other towns like ours where there are no book stores and the library is twenty miles away. She could visit hospitals, nursing homes, and schools or offer mobile story times, book clubs, and talk about her recommendations with people all over Virginia. Maybe other states too. She could see a little bit of the world and travel when she wants, just like she used to do with her mom, but still have a home base here in North Bay with Honey. Sharing all of this with me seems to ignite her spirit in a new way, a way that makes it seem like the silly little idea that has been tugging at her brain might not be so silly after all. Of course it’s not. It sounds great. Maybe when I get a higher-paying contract I could even help her make it happen. The idea of making one of her dreams come true warms my chest.

“A book van could be a fun thing to have at the stadium,” I say. This is new, dreaming with someone about the future and its possibilities.

“Hmm,” she purrs. “Maybe that could be our thing. The Book Lady and her Baseball Guy.”

I laugh. “That sounds like a bedtime story.”

“It should be,” she yawns. “And the book van should definitely also sell M&M’s.” I pull her closer, and when she is settled in the crook of my arm, I use a soft tone to lull her to sleep while I weave the story together.

“Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who wanted to deliver books to all the people of the land. She just so happened to be betrothed to a very handsome, talented, athletic, funny…” That’s as far as I get before I feel her body relax and she slips back to sleep for another hour.