Page 10

Danielle

Y esterday morning I was in Jake’s bed, then last night I kissed him. Twelve hours later, here I am waking up in Mike’s room, wrapped in the sheets that smell like his spicy body wash. Who does that? My mind is starting to spiral as I hastily try to make the bed and throw on a pair of sweatpants and a clean tank top from my bag. I toss my dirty clothes back into my duffle so I can get started on my walk of shame.

Is it even a walk of shame if all you did was sleep alone in a guy’s bed until…um, what time is it? Eleven-thirty. Oh my god. A glance at my phone tells me the time, and the red battery signal alerts me to the fact that I forgot to charge it last night. At least Honey still thinks I’m traveling today and won’t be wondering where I am for a while. Getting too close to a mental breakdown, I freeze in the middle of the room and call Alice from my dying phone. As soon as I hear her voice, I launch into all of the same questions I’ve been asking myself.

“Hi,” she responds after I pause to catch my breath. “Listen, I need you to turn the drama dial down about five levels. You’re an adult woman and free to do whatever and whomever you want. But are you telling me you slept with both of them?” There is no judgment in her tone, only curiosity.

I swear, if the writing thing doesn’t work out, she would make a great therapist.

“I didn’t sleep with either one of them. Well, technically, I guess I slept next to Jake for half a night, but it was just sleeping. Although, I did kiss him. Then I ran away. Last night I slept in Mike’s bed, but he was in a different room.”

“What?” I can picture her eyebrows scrunching together.

“This is going to have to be an in-person conversation. There’s too much to tell you over the phone. Can you meet me at Brew-Ha-Ha in half an hour? My phone might die before I get there.”

“Sure thing. See you soon.”

There are pictures of Mike with friends and family thumbtacked to the back of his bedroom door. I’m tempted to cover their eyes as I open it so they can’t see me tiptoe out of here. I don’t see Mike when I walk out into the living room, and I’m not even sure if he is still home. Maybe he’s still sleeping because last night truly was exhausting. Or maybe he has practice, or a game, or some other plans today.

Maybe he has plans with another girl. Sure, he held my hand last night, but anyone might do that for a friend after a traumatic event. It hits me that I haven’t asked if he is seeing anyone, and he’s never actually said he is interested in dating me. Now I’m too embarrassed to stick around to find out. In the past twelve hours, I made him drive with me all night and got us into a car accident, then I kicked him out of his own room. As quietly as I can, I slink through the front door of Mike’s apartment, down to the parking lot, and into my car.

By the time I arrive at Brew-Ha-Ha, Alice is waiting for me with a chai latte and a blueberry muffin. Immediately, I sink into the chair across from her and take a huge, comforting bite of the muffin, talking to her through my food.

“Morning.”

“This is a look.” She points at my unbrushed hair and my face, still caked in last night’s makeup.

“I left so fast I didn’t even brush my teeth.”

“I noticed,” she deadpans, but I think she’s teasing. At least, I hope she can’t smell my breath from across the table. “Did Mike say anything to you this morning?”

“He slept in the other room. I haven’t seen him since last night. I bailed before he could get a glimpse of this.” I motion up and down the hot mess that is currently sitting in front of her, otherwise known as my body.

“Smart. How about Jake? Where are we with that situation?”

My shoulders slump and I pick off pieces of my muffin, popping them into my mouth as I relay the entire story and Alice nods along.

“Let me see if I’ve got this straight. In summary, Jake was kind of a butt, as per usual, but then he made up for it, and there was one lackluster kiss between the two of you. Mike played the role of the knight in shining armor in what could have otherwise developed into a Blair Witch Project situation, and you need to make a call to your car insurance agent as soon as your phone is charged. Would you say that is correct?” Alice asks.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Except Jake wasn’t just a butt on Friday night. He was a very drunk butt. He did make up for it both before and during the dance, but it still got weird.”

“Because he kissed you?”

“Yeah. The kiss was nice, I think, but also sad. It all felt so weird.”

“Typical Gibson.” She rolls her eyes. “For the record, I have never heard of a good kiss that could also be described as weird and sad.” For my sake, she restrains herself and doesn’t say anything worse about him. She makes a beckoning motion with her hand. “Keep going. Tell me more. What happened with Mike?”

“Nothing I haven’t already said. He was so nice. He offered to keep me company on the ride. I hit a deer, which was terrifying, but he handled calling the police and driving the rest of the way home. Then he gave up his bed so I could get some sleep and not have to deal with Honey in the middle of the night.”

“I see. And now you have it bad for Batman.”

I can’t look her in the eye. “Am I that obvious?”

“Yes. One hundred percent.”

“Ugh. Fine. I like him, okay? But is it terrible to be thinking about dating Mike right now? What is Jake going to think when he finds out I left with another guy?”

“Who cares what he thinks? There is no such thing as an appropriate timeframe for meeting a new friend. Besides, Jake gets zero say here. He had his chance fair and square. For literal decades. He did not step up. He doesn’t get to be mad if someone else does.”

“I guess.”

“Okay, sounds like we need a plan.”

“For what?” I’m skeptical. Alice has a habit of looking at every situation like it’s happening in one of her stories. Real life doesn’t work that way, and I have a busted Honda in the parking lot to prove it, but when Alice Caulfield gets an idea in her head there’s no point in fighting her, so I won’t.

A wide smile spreads across her face and she points a well-manicured finger at me. “It’s time to land you a baseball player.”

Alice reaches into her purse and pulls out a portable charger so I can plug in my phone. As soon as I turn it on, my phone dings with an unread text notification.

Mike: You disappeared. I was going to ask if you wanted to grab breakfast.

I lay the phone on the table between us so Alice can see it, too.

“Is he saying he was planning to ask me out?” I don’t know if that would have counted as a date. Probably not. Two friends who are awake at the same time both need to eat. I didn’t really think of the diner as a date with Jake, and I definitely don’t think he thought of it as a date with me, so Mike probably wouldn’t count breakfast either. I didn’t stick around long enough with either one of them to find out.

“Of course he is,” Alice insists. “Time to enact Part One of the plan.”

“What’s Part One?”

“Stop avoiding Mike. You can’t create something real with a person you are actively running away from.”

Right. I can do this. I type my response.

Me: Sorry. I had to go. Maybe we can do something later?

I nod at my phone, patting myself on the back. Alice gives me a thumbs up. There. A perfectly non-committal response to a non-date, but still I’m leaving the door open if he does want a date.

I like Mike. A lot. But I’m not sure it would be smart to start something serious, even if after last night I really want to. I still don’t love the idea of dating a baseball player. They are always traveling. We would hardly see each other. Plus, they leave. Every time. I’ve had enough people leave in my life. My biological dad didn’t even stick around long enough to meet me. Grandpa died. Mom, Bob, and Steve all peaced out of this town. Even Jake chose to move hours away for school, not that I blame him. It’s just, everyone leaves me eventually. Besides, even if Mike wanted to settle down here, that isn’t necessarily up to him. No one sticks out their entire career as a pro athlete in North Bay. He could even get traded before the current season is over.

“I need you to level with me here, what is actually the problem?” Alice crosses her arms.

“I really like him,” I admit. “But no matter what happens, I know Mike’s not sticking around North Bay for good. We don’t have a Major League Baseball team nearby, and I’m sure that’s his goal, right? It can’t work out with him long-term. He’s only here temporarily. He will leave.”

“I love you. I do. But I have to say, that’s a load of crap. And it also sounds very similar to how you’ve always said it could never work out with Jake because you two are such good friends. Or how it couldn’t work out with Steve because Richmond is too far away.”

“What are you getting at? All of those things were true.”

“Says who? And either way, you have a fresh start with Mike. You can’t live your life avoiding people just because one day they might have a cool career opportunity.”

“Except he’ll definitely go if he gets the chance. That’s not a maybe.”

There aren’t any Major League Baseball teams in the entire state of Virginia. There is no possible way Mike can achieve the level of success he wants in his career and stay close to North Bay.

“Excuse me.” She shoots me a pointed look. “Before we grieve prematurely over hypotheticals again, I think we need to take a minute to review who left Jake at the gala and then snuck out of Mike’s apartment this morning. Seems like you’re doing all the leaving in real life lately, babe. Maybe you could consider not sabotaging your own happiness, just this once?”

“Did they put truth serum in the oat milk today or something? Ouch.”

But I hear her. Only Alice can call me out so easily. She takes a long sip of her drink and looks at me over her cup. When she says it like that, my arguments sound lame, but I still don’t want to let myself get too attached.

Yet, I can’t help thinking about the way Mike worried about me going home by myself, or covered my shoulders with his jacket and tried to comfort me about the deer last night. He didn’t blame me for the accident at all, even though I was the one driving and we could have been hurt. Oh God. My stomach drops when I think again about the fact that I could have ended his entire baseball career and taken away his chance at the majors if the accident had been any worse. My phone buzzes again and pulls me out of my spiral.

Mike: Do you want to watch a movie tonight?

“ Yes. You do,” Alice says, hovering over my shoulder to read his message. The way she’s talking about all of this makes it sound like the answer is obvious.

“No, wait, I mean, you’re right, I do. But not tonight. Gah. What do I say to him?” It feels like there’s an entire butterfly garden in my belly.

“You know what I think you should say, but you need to make this choice for yourself.” Alice gestures to my phone, encouraging me to respond.

I still don’t know if I’m ready to jump into anything with him, but I know the thought of seeing Mike again makes me happy and the thought of not seeing him anymore makes me sad. If only the answers were really that simple. Regardless, watching a movie together seems harmless enough. I do that with all of my friends.

Me : I think I might need a day to lay low and recover. Would tomorrow work?

Mike : Recover? Everything ok? Are you sore after the accident?

Me: It’s fine. I’m not hurt. Just meant recover from the stress of the weekend. Happy to hang out in a few days, though.

Mike : I have practice until 6 on Tuesday. You free after that?

Me : Should be. I have class in the morning and work in the afternoon, but I think I’ll be done by six. Not sure what my car situation will be. Can you come to my house?

Mike: Of course. Is it creepy if I tell you I think I already know where that is? Confession: I saw you ride your bike to the house next door to Major Dollar.

Me: Yeah, that’s Honey’s house. I give it a 2 out of 10 on the creep scale. I stay in the apartment over the garage. See you after you’re done with practice.

Alice smiles at me. “See? The plan is already in motion, and we didn’t even have to lift a finger.”

After I say goodbye to her, it’s time to go home and face the music. I need to tell Honey what happened to the car. I lug my duffle bag full of dirty clothes back into the house, then I dig my phone charger out of the side pocket so I won’t miss any more of Mike’s messages. I want to throw everything else into the laundry and wash it away along with the awkward parts of this weekend. But I can’t do that just yet because a message from Jake appears.

BND: Hope you got home OK .

I send a thumbs-up and leave him on read.