Page 21

Mike

T he stadium lights are casting a white glow over the field for our evening game. There is always something magic about playing under the lights. The hum of the electric charge they put in the air and the way the crowd cheers just a little bit louder when they let down their guard after dark adds another layer of enthusiasm. The stands are more crowded than usual, I guess Coach was onto something about Family Night. Stepping up to the plate, I tap the bat against each of my cleats before hoisting it over my shoulder. I check my stance and raise my elbow a bit higher. Ever since the shoulder injury, it tends to drop a bit, and I need to be careful to keep it in place. The opposing team’s pitcher nods and pulls back for the throw. I can’t see their catcher behind me, but I’d be willing to bet he called for a splitter because we’ve been struggling to hit them all night.

Sure enough, the pitch makes a sharp drop at the end, but I’m ready for it. I make contact and the crack of the bat is the most beautiful sound in the world. The ball flies into the outfield and I take off for first base, then second, and third. I’ve already sent Rodriguez home when the throw overshoots their third baseman, so I chance it and run for home. It’s going to be a close one, but I have to go for it.

“Safe!” the ump calls, as I slide across the plate ahead of the throw.

“Nice, Miller.”

“Way to bring it home.”

“We might actually have a shot at this one.”

My teammates congratulate me in the dugout as I brush the dirt from my pants.

After three more innings with neither team able to score, my run turns out to be the one that helps us clinch the win.

I wish Danielle could have been here to see it, but I am still trying to give her the space she needs. I think I might call in an order for a crab cake sandwich or three from the restaurant after the game. Maybe I can catch her working. Ordering food from North Bay’s only restaurant could be a reasonable excuse to see her again without looking desperate. I head to the locker room to grab my gear, but before I can get that far, someone is calling my name.

“Mikey.”

I stop mid-stride because I know that voice.

“Shelley?” Turning around, I come face-to-face with my sister. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to see you, dummy.” She rolls her eyes and turns her head so her gaze lands on Jordan, who is standing on the edge of the field talking to Coach. Her chin moves up and down as she watches him. “You owe him a thank you. Jordan called us. He wanted to make sure we knew about Family Night. You should have told us yourself, you coward.”

Guilty.

“Who is we?”

“Mom was just right here. Oh, there she is.” Shelley waves both of her arms over her head to signal where we are standing. My mom walks over and wraps me in a tight hug. Next to her is someone I definitely did not expect to see tonight.

“Dad?”

His beard is longer than the last time I saw him, and there is more gray in it. He steps forward. We’re silent for a long, awkward stretch before he finally speaks.

“That was a nice hit in the sixth. You looked sharp, son.”

Son.

“Um, thanks.”

They are the first words we have spoken in years. The fact that they sound so normal passing between us throws me off-kilter. I brace myself for him to say something harsh and insulting, maybe criticize the at-bat in the second inning when I swung and missed twice before hitting a pop-up, but the negativity doesn’t come.

“The team looked good out there.”

“Yep.” I rock on my heels while he puts his hands in his front pockets. The girls quietly peel off to give us more space. For what, I’m not sure. I don’t miss that Shelley goes over to talk to Jordan and part of me wonders how long they’ve been planning this behind my back, but I have more important things to worry about right now. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to my dad.

“Uh, the team’s been gelling well.”

“Good. That’s good.”

More nodding and awkward silence. I miss Danielle. She would be better at this than I am. She has to make small talk every day with customers at the restaurant, I’m sure she could handle pulling a few words out of my old man.

“Yeah.” I take a breath and summon the courage to extend an olive branch. “It’s nice that you could make it tonight. I guess you were able to take a night off from the Coffin Conference.”

“Mm-hm. North Bay seems like a nice little town. You like it here.” It’s an observation, a statement rather than a question. He can tell I like this place. A part of me likes knowing my dad can still read me. Another part wants to stay annoyed with him and yell that I could have liked Idaho just fine if he had given me the chance to land on my feet there. I decide to let the grown-up side of me win.

“I do.”

I really do. I could see myself settled here in the future. This is Danielle’s home, and I want my home to be where she is. I’m not sure when that happened, but it feels true. She says she needs time, but I have to believe she will come around and we’ll land on the same page.

“I have a girlfriend,” I blurt, even though I’m not sure it’s true.

“That’s what Shelley said.” Dad hooks a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of my sister. “Sounds like you really like her, from what the girls were saying.” What else has Jordan been telling them?

“Danielle.” Saying her name aloud brings a peace that breaks away some of the cloud of shame and uncertainty over me. My dad is here and he’s talking to me. I’m going to say what I need to say while I have the chance. I need to own it. This conversation has been a long time coming. I take a breath and go for it. “I told her everything.”

“That so?”

“Yeah, Dad. Look. I know you would probably rather not be here. I’m sorry Mom dragged you along. If you’re still ashamed of me, I get it. But I wish you could see I am not that guy anymore.”

“Ashamed of you?” He takes a step back and shakes his head. “Mikey, no. If I am ashamed of anyone, it’s myself.”

“What?”

Seriously, what the hell is he talking about? It takes me a second to process the fact that he is still speaking.

“I said a lot of things that a father should never say. I was angry. At first, I had a right to be. I thought cutting you off would teach you a lesson and you would come crawling back begging. But then you stepped up and turned your life around, and it turned out you didn’t need me. Look at you.” He uses both hands to gesture at my uniform. “You graduated from college. You’re playing pro ball just like you always said you would. I watched you suffering, and I felt so angry and helpless, I didn’t know what to do. But I told myself you needed some tough love. I said awful things I can’t take back. Then when you got better and made it on your own without me, I felt like an even bigger failure. I knew I screwed up, but I had too much pride to admit it.”

“Dad.” It’s all I have in response. I don’t know what else to say. This does not compute. I spent years thinking this man hated every fiber of my being. “What changed?”

“I guess when you work with death every day, eventually you realize life is short, and sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and do the work to repair the wounds. I know it’s going to take a while, and I should have been here sooner, but I’m here now. Anyway, I’m sorry.”

I’m stunned into silence. I honestly don’t know what to say to him. I’ve been imagining a moment like this for years, waiting for my dad to say those words, and it is surreal that this is actually happening. But the words don’t dissolve the pain the way I thought they would. I’m still angry, and I wish those words were never necessary in the first place. We both could have handled things a lot better than we did. I can imagine Shelley rolling her eyes at me and saying, “Welcome to being human, dumbass. Now go give Dad a hug,” but my feet won’t move from where I’m standing.

Dad nods and moves his hands from the front to back pockets of his jeans. “It might take us a while to find our rhythm again, son, but that’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. Now that Maddy has graduated, your sisters are all old enough to handle themselves. Mom and I haven’t taken a vacation for a long time, so we’ve decided to stay here in Virginia for a while. Shelley might stick around, too. She likes it here, and there are some good law schools in the D.C. area.”

They’re staying? For me? I blink slowly trying to process all of the new information overloading my brain, and I feel a heavy hand land on my shoulder. Coach Johnson takes a step around me and extends his free hand to shake with my dad.

“Mr. Miller, I’m Henry Johnson. Nice to meet you. Mike here has been a great addition to the team this year. Glad y’all could make it out for Family Night.”

My dad’s face beams with pride, the same way it used to when I was in high school and other parents would tell him his son just might have the talent to go all the way. He calls my mom over to meet Coach, and my sister follows. Mom makes small talk about North Bay for a few minutes and then moves the conversation to Coach Johnson’s family. My mother has known the man for less than half an hour, and already she has him telling stories I haven’t heard after traveling with him for months. How did I not know he has a daughter who is a junior at a private liberal arts college near Williamsburg, or that his wife just adopted two bichon puppies and they are terrorizing him daily by chewing his favorite socks?

With my parents occupied, I find Jordan hanging out with a few of the guys. He didn’t have any family come today. Jordan doesn’t talk much about his life before North Bay. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own drama I never even thought to ask if he was inviting anyone.

“Hey, Rookie. Your parents made it,” he says when he sees me walking toward him.

“They did. Thanks, man. Did you ask yours to come?”

“Couldn’t even if I wanted to. No idea where they are. Last I heard, my old man was serving time, and my mom hasn’t had a permanent address since I was seven.”

“Why didn’t I know this?”

“You never asked.”

“Well, that changes today.”

I hold out my hand, and when he shakes it, I pull him in for a hug.