Page 5

“ W hat the fuck was that?” I whisper-yell as soon as I close the door behind us. Fintan walks ahead of me and winks over his shoulder before pulling his mask off, his sharp canines on display when he smiles, “What?” Shrugging before he looks ahead and starts walking again.

“You told her our names! Have you fucking lost your mind?” I growl as I take fast, wide steps to close the distance between us.

Grabbing the scruff of his neck, I fling him against the wall with a loud thud that echoes in the narrow hallway and coil my fingers around his throat.

“Jesus! What the fuck!” he grunts as I shove his head into the wall behind him, silently demanding an answer. But instead of fear or panic, Fintan chuckles, a low, throaty sound that reverberates through the confined space.

I release my grip on his throat, taken aback by his unexpected reaction. Fintan straightens himself, running a hand through his unruly pale hair before meeting my eyes with a mischievous glint.

“Relax, brother ,” he says, his voice infused with an air of confidence. “You think I’ve lost my mind? I assure you; there’s a method to my madness.”

Fuck… Stop calling me that.

I remove my mask, tucking the fabric into my waistband and narrow my eyes at him, searching for his meaning. Fintan doesn’t flinch under my scrutiny; instead, he holds my gaze steadily with his golden eyes, challenging me to question his motives further.

My heart thuds faster as he traps me in his stare. Reluctantly, I release the tension in my body and step back, crossing my arms over my chest.

I thought catching him in the studio the other night with that dick from the bar pissed me off, but this takes the goddamn cake. He was fucking him in the waiting area without a care in the world, right next to the large floor-to-ceiling windows like he wanted to give the city a fucked-up show.

He said I was jealous and perhaps there is some truth to that, but I was pissed because his fuck toy for the night busted his load all over one of the leather chairs.

They were humping all over the goddamn studio, and the next morning, I had to fucking clean the place because Fintan was hungover and still passed out when I opened up.

“You better have a damn good reason for exposing us like that,” I mutter, unable to completely suppress the frustration and slight hitch in my tone.

Fintan beckons me closer with a crooked finger, motioning for me to follow him up the remaining steps. With a sigh of resignation, I comply, and we ascend the stairwell until we reach the hallway upstairs. The dim light casts an eerie glow as Fintan walks ahead and turns to lean against the wall.

Watching him curiously as he rubs the knit fabric of his white mask between his fingers, I step closer, my heavy footfalls echoing in the space.

“Well?” I coax, crossing my arms as I wait.

He pushes off the wall and steps in close before gripping my arm and leaning next to my ear. “We deserve to live without this burden, without constantly looking over our shoulders,” he murmurs, his breath fanning across my neck, setting my senses ablaze. “She won’t remember. I drugged her.”

Ah, of course! What could possibly go wrong? Dick.

I take a step backward, but he still holds my arm like he is sensing my annoyance. “Kieran, you need to relax. You don’t need to hide from anyone tonight. Be yourself.”

I try to suppress the vulnerability that flickers across my face, but Fintan sees right through it. “I can see your struggle. Just stop fucking hiding from me. I want to help you, Kai.”

“Stop making this about you! It has nothing to do with you, Fin. I’m not fucking talking to you about this so just fucking stop!

” I growl, shoving him away from me. Searing anger vibrates through my limbs as I close my eyes and take heavy breaths in an attempt to calm myself down.

Turning away from him, I storm off toward the door that leads to the small balcony.

My fingers fumble with the key as my anger threatens to boil over and swallow me whole; finally managing to bite it back long enough to get the fucking door open.

I step out into the cool night breeze and fish my pack of cigarettes from my pocket.

Pulling one out of the box with my teeth, I light the end; savoring the burn of the smoke as I inhale, watching the flame of my lighter as it allows my mind to drift a million miles away.

Just as expected, moments later Fintan bursts through the door and without warning, he shoves me against the rough brick. I cough through the cloud of smoke before it clears, and my eyes find his.

“Kieran,” he growls hoarsely, his breath warm on my face. His hands grip the fabric of my T-shirt, pulling me closer despite my protest. “Let go of these defenses. Let me help you fucking relax for once. It’ll do us both a favor, especially on camera.”

I struggle against him, trying to push him away, but his grip only tightens, his eyes the color of molten gold, burning into me with an intensity that makes my heart pound.

“I don’t need help! What the hell makes you think you could ever understand?

I don’t need you to help me relax!” I yell, waving my cigarette in his face before adding, “ This is fucking relaxing! Now, leave me the fuck alone and let me calm myself down.”

His lips curl into a sinister grin. “Call it what you want, brother, but I know what this is. I know you better than anyone and just because it was easier for me to get over my hang-ups, doesn’t fucking mean it wasn’t a struggle.

The sooner you let go of the shame and fear, the easier this will be for you to work through. ”

He has everything so much easier. Our entire lives, he’s charged head-first into uncharted territory with little to no hesitation. Me, I can’t do that. He knows me but he has no idea how fucking hard it is to do our fucked up little side hustle while wrestling with the things I try to keep buried.

I can feel the heat radiating from his body as he brings one hand up and rests it on my shoulder.

“I’m not gay.” I repeat the words to myself as I feel my body grow rigid under his touch.

Suddenly, something shifts within me – the tension, the anger – it all seems to dissolve under the weight of his gaze.

“It’s okay to be confused,” he murmurs, voice low and deep.

There’s no judgment in his expression or tone, just understanding.

“I’ll help you figure this shit out, Kieran, but you need to relax.

We have a lot riding on tonight, and I can’t have you backing out now.

The cash is too good for us not to do this.

After tonight, if you still don’t know how to break out of this hell you find yourself in, I’ll help you and we’ll never have to agree to this kind of content again if it’ll be easier. ”

“Earlier, you were happy to put our payday on the line for the game you want to play with her before making the content, and now it’s all about the money again?” I sneer and he only offers a nod in response.

That reaction has my body heating with rage and if he doesn’t start making sense or back off, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.

Saturday, 12:00 AM

“We got fucking lucky with the buildings and opening Clover Ink but how long until we fucking lose everything again? Huh? We paid rent upfront for seven months when we started this! Time is almost up. How the fuck are we supposed to keep this shit running when we can’t afford to eat or have a roof over our heads?

The studio doesn’t have the traffic yet to supplement our expenses by itself,” Kieran seethes, flicking his cigarette bud to the ground and grinding it under his boot.

I rush up to him and grab the back of his neck, forcing his forehead against mine so he can’t ignore my words. “That’s not going to fucking happen, Kai. No amount of money from our content is worth you…”

“What?!” he barks.

“Torturing yourself. We’ll find another way if you can’t do this anymore. It’s you and me, brother; it always has been.”

He stays silent as he stares into my eyes, and I notice him relaxing slightly.

My heart races as the palpable tension between us flickers like the fuse of a bomb about to explode.

Leaning closer before he has a chance to react, I breathe in the smoke and mint on his breath before letting my tongue trail a whisper over his lips.

He is stunned as he scans my features with furrowed brows, and I take his stunned silence as my queue and press my lips against his. I step back from his slightly taller frame with a satisfied but proud smile.

I’m surprised he let me kiss him. Is this progress?

I don’t want him to suffer like I know he is.

He doesn’t need to feel like he has to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I suppose it is hypocritical of me to coax him out of hiding when I do the same thing.

I hide my emotions behind a wall of cruelty and sarcasm while he hides behind logic and silence.

“Better?” I taunt cautiously. I don’t know what his reaction will be, but I have to try. His green eyes flame like wildfire and he grabs my throat, squeezing hard as he pulls me back toward him. Our lips are only inches apart.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Kai…” I choke out as his grip tightens before he shoves me away and storms inside the building, once again putting distance between us.

I take a few breaths to ease the tightness in my throat caused by his powerful grip. My ego deflates as I pace the length of the small balcony, allowing him a few minutes to himself.

“Fuck!” I curse, yelling into my palms as I cover my face before weaving my fingers into my hair. The bite of pain from pulling on the strands do nothing to ease my racing mind.