Page 36

A s much as I despise what Alex did to us, I can’t get her out of my mind since she let us go and that pisses me off to no end. Everything she did plays on a loop in my thoughts nearly every waking moment.

Fintan and I have been distant, but the one constant topic of conversation is her. In some sick way, we care about her despite the things she’s done to us.

We have been keeping an eye on her comings and goings for the last few days. I was reluctant at first when Fintan came up with the idea but in a fucked-up way, seeing her feels familiar when everything else has been turned upside down.

She has no idea that we are watching her and in a way it feels poetic. We are watching her like she watched us through the cameras in that basement. It brings me a twisted sense of comfort.

Alex is present in the back of my mind every time Fintan and I share a moment. Without her, who knows if I would have ever confessed my feelings.

Would Fintan have taken me seriously if I came out before we met her?

Would I have even bothered saying anything with his long string of one-night stands that he’s been sneaking in and out of the building or the studio since we moved here?

“What’s up?” Fintan asks, grabbing the milk from the fridge for his cereal as he plops down across from me at the kitchen table.

God, I don’t know how he can eat chocolate flavored cereal for dinner. I guess neither of us feel like making actual food lately.

His question snaps me out of my reeling thoughts as I sigh with my cup of steaming hot coffee in my grip. I peer at him from underneath my hair. “It’s nothing,” I breathe.

I guess coffee isn’t much better. At least Fintan is actually eating.

I know he can sense my racing thoughts, but he doesn’t push me to answer his question. I appreciate that as much as I fucking hate it. He seems distant and honestly, I don’t blame him.

We both know that our lives have been irreversibly changed. But even in the midst of this turmoil, there’s a stronger bond that ties us together now, a shared experience that no one else could understand. It’s both comforting and maddening to know that I’m not alone in this.

As Fintan eats his cereal, I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking. Is he replaying the same memories in his head like I am? Does he feel the same conflicting emotions towards Alex as I do?

I take a sip of my coffee, trying to gather my thoughts before speaking. “I think we should talk about what happened,” I say, breaking the heavy silence between us.

Fintan looks up, his expression blank. “Which part?”

Scoffing at his sarcastic tone as I rub the back of my neck, I swallow around the lump of nerves in my throat. “Please, you know what I’m referring to,” I say, my voice coming out low and pained.

Fintan sighs and sets his spoon down in the bowl, his gaze meeting mine. “Kai, we can’t change what she made us do. I doubt talking about it will make much of a difference, but if it’s any consolation, I don’t blame you. You had no choice.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me to live with,” I reply, feeling the weight of guilt pressing down on me. “I can’t shake the feeling that we’re just trying to downplay what happened, pretending everything is normal now.”

Fintan nods, his eyes filled with understanding. “Nothing will ever be normal again, Kieran. We have to accept that and move forward. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, you know.”

His words hang heavily in the air between us. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what I’m about to say next.

“I can’t stop thinking about her,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s like she’s still controlling us even though she let us go.”

Fintan’s expression softens as he gets up from his seat and rounds the table. “She doesn’t control us,” he says as I straighten off my seat and face him. “She doesn’t have to be the villain in our story. She can be the force that brought us closer to the edge.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused by his reasoning to justify the horrific things we were forced to do at Alex’s command.

“It doesn’t matter how we got here, Kieran. It’s us against the world. Like it’s always been,” he whispers as he steps closer until our bodies almost touch.

I nod, feeling my nerves kick up even more at his proximity. “Jump with me,” Fintan breathes as he reaches his hand up and weaving his fingers into my hair before he pulls me into a passionate kiss.

I groan into his mouth as I feel his dick harden against mine as the kiss deepens and I start unbuckling his belt. “Wha…what are you doing?” he asks breathlessly as he pulls away to watch my hands.

“I’ve waited too long for this moment. You’ve admitted your feelings and so have I. I want to feel you, Broth—um—Kieran,” I stumble over my words, feeling like a nervous teenager again.

I need to stop calling him my brother. We are more than that. Fuck, I can’t believe we finally got here…

Our feelings have always been present, hidden just beneath the surface and Alex merely reached in and pulled them out.

Kieran groans as I drag his zipper down and take his cock out before I pull him back into a searing kiss.

Stroking his length, he whimpers against my lips and starts pulling at my shirt.

Eager to feel his hands all over me, I pull away from our kiss just long enough to help him take off my shirt, dropping it on the kitchen floor.

“Take off your clothes,” I breathe as I unbuckle my jeans before stepping out of them. Kieran remains silent, his eyes trained on mine as he follows my lead.

“You have never experienced this have you?” I ask, although I already know the answer. “I…No. I never wanted another man.” His words ripple through me, and I feel my heart drumming faster.

The tension between us is palpable as we stand there naked, our bodies close but not quite touching.

I look into his eyes, the ones I’ve avoided since we’ve been freed, and see a mixture of fear, desire, and uncertainty.

But there is also a deep longing that mirrors my own.

I know he wants this just as much as I do.

He makes the first move, reaching out and tracing his fingers along my chest, feeling the scars and muscles. I shiver at his touch, making my desire flare even more. I lean in and whisper, “I want you to suck my cock.”

He nods nervously, his eyes never leaving mine as he lowers onto his knees with an unmistakable hunger in his beautiful eyes. Kieran leans forward and hesitantly takes me in his mouth, unsure of himself as he starts to suck slowly.

“Fuck…” I groan, feeling goosebumps break out all over my body as I slide my fingers into his hair. “Your mouth feels fucking incredible.”

The praise seems to ease his nerves as he groans around my throbbing cock, and I feel his tongue swirling around my piercings while he looks up at me with those intense green eyes. He starts making small humming noises that vibrate right through me.

I can feel myself getting closer to the edge just from this, but I don’t want it to end yet. I thread my fingers deeper through his silky black hair, holding him close as he takes more of my length into his mouth.

“Fuck, Kieran,” I moan, looking down at him. His eyes flicker up to meet mine before closing again, focusing on his task. His tongue flicks over the tip of my cock, teasing me mercilessly like he knows exactly what he’s doing.

“God. That feels good.” My voice is hoarse with lust as I lean against the table for support. The sounds we make fill the room; it’s intoxicating and makes me drunk with desire.