Page 25

I fucked Fintan.

The memory has been replaying in my mind on a continuous loop since it happened.

My mind is a whirlwind of emotion as I sit here, chained and utterly at the mercy of our plaything turned captor, the weight of what Alex forced me to do pressing down on me like a leaden cloak.

I steal a glance at him, his features drawn tight with tension, the fire in his eyes burning bright despite the darkness that surrounds us. But beneath his facade of strength, I can sense the turmoil that churns within him, the same turmoil that threatens to consume me whole.

Fintan’s words hang heavy in the air: “Kai, we’ll be fine. This doesn’t need to change anything.”

How do we move past this? It did change everything.

My heart pounds frantically as I try to process his words, desperately clinging to the flicker of hope they offer amidst the chaos of my own mind.

How can he say it doesn’t need to change anything when everything feels different now? Everything about me feels different…

I struggle to meet his gaze, the weight of my unspoken truth pressing heavily on my chest. “Fintan,” I start, my voice a strained whisper, “I don’t know how to make sense of any of this.

I don’t even know how to make sense of myself anymore.

” The admission hangs between us like heavy fog, suffocating the air around us with its raw vulnerability.

His eyes soften, a silent understanding passing between us that speaks more volumes than any words ever could. “Kai, you don’t have to have all the answers right now,” he says, his voice a lifeline in the storm raging within me. “We’ll figure this out together, just like we always do.”

But how do I tell him that this time feels different? That this time, it’s not just about navigating through the maze of our troubles together—it’s about navigating through the maze of my own identity, of who I am and who I want to be.

How do I tell him that every glance from Alex, every touch, every uttered word has shattered the fragile illusion of normalcy I’ve clung to for so long?

I don’t know whether to thank her or hate her. I hate this.

I hate that she forced us into this dark, uncomfortable situation. I hate that she coaxed feelings out of me that I’ve spent years trying to deny and bury in the depths of myself.

Within mere hours, she managed to rip open and tear down the defenses I had in place.

Fintan has been trying to help me do that for so long and yet I couldn’t let him in.

I couldn’t tell him because my feelings are for him.

I’ve been in love with him since we were young, and I couldn’t admit that until now.

I’m not attracted to men. I am without a doubt a straight man…or… I thought I was. Am I bisexual? I want him. And even after Alex has done terrible things to torture us for what we did, I fucking want her too.

Something about her is intoxicating. I still feel, even after all this time, that we didn’t stumble into her life by accident. I know it. We were meant to cross paths. Even in this hellhole, being treated like animals, I feel like this is where I belong.

I’m torn between two worlds, two people who hold pieces of my heart in their hands.

Fintan, the one I’ve loved since we were young, whose touch ignites a fire within me that I can’t deny.

And Alex, our little Dove, the enigmatic force who has torn down the walls I’ve spent years building around myself, leaving me exposed and vulnerable in her wake.

I struggle to reconcile the conflicting desires that war within me, the longing for Fintan’s touch fighting with the intoxicating pull of Alex’s presence.

“Will you stop it already? I can practically hear you spiraling from here,” I groan as I lean against the wall, trying to get comfortable.

“Sorry if my existential crisis is interrupting your quality wall time,” Kieran retorts, his voice tinged with bitterness. His sarcasm irks me, but I say nothing.

“I didn’t exactly plan on ending up chained in a basement and being forced to fuck you, did I? Sorry if I have a hard time dealing with this!”

I can’t help but chuckle, despite the gravity of the situation. I try to shift in my seated position once more, the metal cuffs biting at my wrists as I yank on the chain. “Well, at least you found the silver lining,” I say with a forced smile.

Kieran looks at me, his eyes hard. “Don’t. This isn’t a fucking joke, Fintan.”

My inability to get comfortable against the wall has only made me more aware of the dried cum that covers my skin underneath my jeans.

“You’re right, it’s not a joke. Forced or not, you have clarity now, do you not?” I quip, trying to turn this situation into something positive.

“I guess,” he clears his throat, his voice soft but firm as he speaks. “How are you so fucking calm?”

I shrug nonchalantly, though the truth is, I want to see what our little Dove has up her sleeve. “It’s a facade, brother. What’s the alternative? Losing my shit and giving Alex the satisfaction of seeing me freak out or fall apart?”

Kieran’s gaze softens, a flicker of understanding passing between us. “I guess you have a point,” he concedes, his voice barely more than a whisper.

I lean back against the wall, the cold metal sending shivers down my spine as I try again to find a semblance of comfort in our bleak surroundings.

I fucking hope she’ll let us clean up at some point.

“Besides,” I continue, my tone lightening with a touch of sarcasm, “panicking won’t exactly help us get out of here, will it?”

Kieran lets out a humorless chuckle, the sound hollow in the silence of the basement. “No, I suppose not,” he agrees, his voice tinged with resignation.

“We’ll figure this out, Kai,” I assure him, my voice steady with determination. “We always do.”

He meets my gaze, a spark of hope igniting within his eyes as he nods in agreement. “Yeah, we do,” he says, his voice stronger now, more resolute.

And as we sit there in the darkness of the basement, bound and at Alex’s mercy, I can’t help but feel a sense of defiance rising within me. No matter what Alex throws our way, we’ll face it head-on, together.

She’ll make a mistake at some point. Everyone does. I can’t wait to punish our plaything for thinking she can call the shots. I’ll need to show her what happens when a brat disobeys her master.

“We should try and get some sleep, it’s been hours. I don’t think she’s coming back soon,” I say from my spot against the wall, my voice giving away how tired I feel.

“Sure, that’s probably a good idea. Who knows what’s in store for us tomorrow,” Kieran says, his voice low as it mimics his mood.