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Chapter Twenty-Two

NATE

I wake up to a loud ringing in my ears. It’s not until I sit up and look around the room that I realize it’s my cell phone alarm.

River is leaving me.

I want to scream and cry.

I want to tell him to stay.

But I won’t.

Even with him beside me in bed, naked and looking so damn hot, dread pools in my belly. The slight pain in my ribs and back is nothing compared to how I feel about him walking out that door.

I turn off the alarm and see tons of messages on my phone. River must have thousands of notifications. Reporters are asking me for interviews. The names of people I don’t recognize are texting me.

Pencil Dick

You’re so brave, man. I’m here for you.

Kelly Big Tits

Guess I was right about you and River. Always thought y’all liked each other more than me. Happy for you, tho.

Tori Likes Anal

That kiss could have melted the ice. So hot. Call me if you guys wanna go another round.

Frat Bro

I’m bi. Just throwing it out there if you get bored with River.

Samantha

I know you probably hate me. I’m also not supposed to reach out because of your dad and the documents his lawyers forced me to sign. But I wanted to say congratulations. I hope you and River are happy. I really am sorry about the book and everything. Take care.

I stare at the last message in shock. The nerve of this chick after threatening to expose us with that stupid book. I also need to stop adding people to my Contacts when I’m drunk. Or maybe just ask for their names. No idea who Pencil Dick and Frat Bro are… or the other two girls.

“Morning,” River whispers, drawing my attention back to him.

I bend down and kiss him. “Morning, boyfriend.”

River tackles me to the bed, but when I wince, he gets off me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean… I forgot.”

“I’m okay,” I lie, pushing through the pain radiating up my side.

His fingers brush over my ribs, and I hiss.

“They’re not swollen,” he says, relieved. “Just ugly looking. I think you’ll be okay. But promise me you’ll check in with Dr. Reynolds. I won’t be here to make you do things.”

I nod. “Samantha texted me to congratulate us… and apologize.”

River rolls his eyes. “She can save it.”

After we kiss for a few minutes, I roll off him and slide off the bed. “Take a shower with me.”

Already shirtless, he follows me to the bathroom. Waters stands at the sink, toothbrush in his mouth, the water running. His head snaps to us, and then he spits out the toothpaste.

He looks at River. “You leaving soon?”

River bobs his head. “Need to take a shower first.”

His eyes flick from River to me, taking in our half-naked bodies. If he has something to say about us, he keeps it to himself. He hasn’t talked shit since my dad changed his grade. In fact, he’s been less of an asshole. I was shocked as hell when he hugged River last night.

“It’s all yours,” he says, and we step to the side to let him pass.

I lock the door, and River turns on the shower, feeling for the correct water temperature. We strip out of our boxers and step into the tiled shower, which is large enough to fit several people.

The water rains down on his head and drips into his pretty green eyes. He blinks the droplets away, his sole focus on my face. I take a minute to look at my beautiful boyfriend. Commit every feature of his body to memory.

His cock is at half-mast and pressed into my groin. I’m also hard and rutting against him.

“I need to dirty you up before you go,” I say, grabbing him by the neck and pinning him to the wall. My palm lands on his wet ass, and he yelps at the sudden sting. “I want my cum leaking from your ass and sliding down your thighs.”

My hand dips between his legs, teasing the short hairs as I lick his neck.

He glances over his shoulder and flashes a cocky grin. “Fuck me.”

No amount of distance can erase River and his moans from my mind. He’s permanently imprinted on my skin, his essence inked on my soul.

“The lube is in the drawer,” he mumbles when my finger brushes his hole. “Please, Nate. One more time. I need it. Need you.”

I slide the door open and reach into the vanity drawer, water dripping on the floor. When I find the bottle, I roll some gel onto my finger and get behind River.

Pressing down on his back, I bend him forward and spread his thighs with my knee. “Open up for me.” My lips graze his earlobe as I glide the gel up and down before plunging into him. “So tight. Fuck, I love it.”

River is my addiction.

It was never about the girls.

It’s funny how I once thought I was a sex addict. We could have avoided years of scandals and drama if I had taken my head out of my ass and saw what was staring me in the face. He was always my light in the darkness.

River moans as I add another finger and bite his neck. “Please, Nate. More. Fuck me. Please.”

I nibble on his skin. “I love it when you beg.”

He tilts his head to the side to encourage me to kiss the spot where I bit him.

“Choke me,” he whispers. “I’m so close.”

As I thrust into him, he strokes his big cock, cheek mashed against the tiled wall. I give him what he wants and apply some pressure to his throat, my thumb rolling over his windpipe.

“Harder,” he whimpers. “I need more.”

I tighten my grip around his throat. River likes being choked and spanked.

“Dirty boy,” I growl in his ear. “You take my dick so well.”

My balls ache, begging for a release, and as a flush of heat washes over my body, I spill my cum inside him. River coats the wall, and he relaxes against it, needing my weight crushing his back to stop him from sinking to the floor.

I slip my finger into his hole. “You’re so full of my cum.” I add another finger and flick my tongue over his ear. “Look at you, baby. You’re mine.”

“Yours,” he whispers, completely spent.

“Yeah, you are.” I grip his ass and spread him for me. “This is all fucking mine.”

* * *

We say our final goodbyes in my bedroom, tears leaking from our eyes. River kisses me. I kiss him back. And after he’s tucked inside his car, I hunch beside his open window.

“I’m going to marry you someday.” Clutching the door, I smile. “And I want to make a big deal about it. Because I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

A single tear slides down his cheek. I reach inside the car to wipe it away with my thumb.

“In two weeks, you’ll come to stay with me,” he says, a hint of hope in his voice. “And I expect you to be on your best behavior until then. Don’t stop writing in your journal. Keep going to your therapy appointments. And make sure you pay attention to those bruises. If you see?—”

I put my finger over his mouth. “I know, Riv. I got this. I’m a big boy.”

He smirks. “Oh, I know.”

Of course, his mind goes to that dirty place. Sex is such a regular part of our relationship. Years of passing around women have bonded us in ways that cross the typical bonds of friendship. But he’s not just my best friend anymore.

River is my everything.

“Call me when you get to Long Island.” I give him a quick peck and tap the hood. “You should get on the road before I drag you out of this car and lock you in my bedroom.”

He laughs. “I wouldn’t mind being your prisoner. But yeah, I do need to go. I told my dad I would call him on the way.”

As River drives away, my heart sinks to my stomach. All the nerves and fear bubble up inside me like lava.

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this.

No matter how often I repeat the mantra, I don’t believe a word. My life without River is not a life.

Parker meets me on the front porch before I get too deep into my thoughts. Wearing black joggers and a hoodie, he tucks his hands into his pockets and smiles.

“I wanna talk to you about something,” he says as he walks down the stairs. “Come for a walk with me. It’s important.”