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Chapter Eighteen

NATE

I glare at the man who gave me life, teeth gritted. He sits in an oversized armchair by the fireplace, and even with the fire crackling, my skin flushes with heat.

“You wanted to talk,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around River, his back to my chest. “So say something.”

My dad glances at the placement of my hand on River’s inner thigh. He gulps when he takes in the sight of a grown man on my lap. River is almost as big as me, his massive frame taking up more than half the chair.

“How long have you been…” My dad’s voice trails off, and he takes a sip from the highball glass. “Gay?”

“Does it matter?”

He shakes his head. “All of the scandals with women… the sex tapes. I assumed you were going through a phase and would settle down with a nice girl after your college party days.”

“The girls were distractions,” I tell him. “My therapist is helping me see those women were stand-ins for Veronica. A way for me to work out my trauma. It helped me to regain the power I lost with her.”

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. We never speak about the past. And when we do, he does his best to steer the conversation in another direction.

“I wonder if you would have turned out this way if we hadn’t…” He scowls. “Your childhood was unconventional. I tried. But I was never good with children. I didn’t know how to be a parent.”

“That’s not why I’m gay,” I respond, surprisingly calm given the circumstances. “Sexuality isn’t a choice. It’s who I am. If you have a problem with it?—”

“I don’t understand,” he admits.

“You don’t need to. River is my boyfriend. I love him. We’re not telling anyone… but not because I want to keep us a secret. And there’s nothing more to say on the matter.”

My dad rises from the chair and inches toward me. “I love you, Nate. I never tell you, but I do. I’m not good at this stuff.”

I glance at River. He presses his lips together, staring at me wide-eyed and in disbelief.

“Who are you? Where is my real father, and what did you do with him?”

He chuckles, making the wrinkles around his eyes seem more pronounced. “After you left the house, your mother put things into perspective for me. She reminded me of…”

My mom appears in the entryway as if conjured by his words. Petite and thin, she wears a black dress pinched at the waist, stopping beneath her knee. It’s tight but elegant. She looks the part of a billionaire’s wife.

“We screwed up, Nate.” She stands beside my father, the two now hovering over me. “The things that Veronica did to you… They never should have happened under our roof. I was supposed to protect you. We both were, but we failed you.”

I sniff back the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Yeah, you did. She fucking hurt me. Every weekend for almost a year. And the nightmares…” I wipe my eyes with my hand. “I still wake up dreaming about what she did to me. If it weren’t for River, I’d probably be dead. I thought about killing myself so many times. But then, I thought about River. And I couldn’t do it.”

My mom kneels beside the chair and takes my hand. “We know. And we’re very thankful you found River. He was there for you when we couldn’t be… didn’t know how to be.”

“You sent me away,” I snap, enraged by how they didn’t love me enough to help me through the worst part of my life. “I told you what she was doing to me, and you didn’t believe me. Not until you saw it for yourself. And then, you tossed me away like trash. Sent me across the country to live with strangers when I needed you.”

She leans forward and gives me an awkward one-arm hug. River slides off my lap and extends his hand.

As I rise from the chair, my dad says, “I didn’t go to the police because I didn’t want to put you through a trial and all of the publicity. You were so young and scared and… I took care of Veronica in other ways.”

My jaw ticks. “When? How? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Right after we caught her in your bed. She hasn’t been able to gain employment anywhere in the country since.” He pulls out his cell phone and shows me an image of a beat-up motel with a sign displaying that they rent rooms by the hour. “She lives here, working as a prostitute. It’s the only work she can get.”

“Why did you let me hate you for all of these years? You could have told me sooner.”

Dad sighs. “I didn’t know how to talk about her with you.”

My mom throws her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. She’s so tiny compared to me. “I’m sorry, Nate,” she sobs. “She was my best friend. It never should have happened. And I know you hate me. Nothing I can say or do will take away your pain, but I want to be here for you. It must be scary for you to come out publicly with River.”

“We’re not telling anyone,” I say, still in shock. “And why are you guys so cool about me being gay?”

After they sent me away, I stopped caring about pleasing my parents. Yet, I crave their love. Deep down, I need to know I am worthy. Only River has made me feel safe and loved. In his eyes, I am always enough.

“We’ve all experimented with the same sex,” my mom says with a shrug. “Nothing wrong with it.”

My mouth drops as my eyes land on my dad. He clears his throat, averting my gaze. Without speaking, it’s clear the experimentation extends to him when he refuses to look at me.

“Wow,” I mouth. “Okay. I guess that makes sense. The things I saw at the house growing up… I thought I made them up.”

So much of my childhood feels like fiction. I have spun stories in my head, attempting to rearrange the worst parts to change the narrative. On several occasions, I caught my father naked and in the arms of another man. My mother was there, too. The three of them kissing and touching.

My mind was too underdeveloped to register what I had witnessed. It happened a few more times. Once, I even saw my father fucking another man. He was much younger, probably in his early twenties. All types of people came to their parties—everyone from porn stars to their closest friends with specific kinks.

So, all of that was real.

“I’m not experimenting with River,” I tell them. “And I don’t want to marry a woman.”

“You don’t have to,” Mom says sweetly. “Your father only said that because he thought it would make your life easier. It works for us… and he thought you could have the same thing.”

I shake my head. “No, I only want River. If I marry anyone, it would be him.”

She hugs me again and smiles. “Okay, darling. It’s getting late. We can talk more tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure,” I mutter, dazed by the wild events of the night.

My dad pats my back and nods. He exits the room with my mother, and I can’t move my feet. I stand there, staring at the door, blown away by the truth.

River clings to my chest, his arms holding me in a vise. “That was unexpected. How do you feel?”

“They apologized,” I choke out.

It’s the first thing that comes to mind.

“That was… Are you happy?”

I bob my head. “I need time to process everything. I don’t even know how to feel.”

He grabs his suitcase and tosses my bag over his shoulder. “I’m tired. Come to bed with me.”

Like a zombie, I move toward his bedroom, still somewhat buzzed, wondering if I’m dreaming. The second we’re inside his room, River pushes my back to the door and locks it.

I blow out a breath of air. “Dude, please tell me I made that up. I feel like I’m in The Matrix and took the red pill. There are just some things children shouldn’t know about their parents.”

“At least they’re cool with you being gay.” River shrugs. “Could have been much worse. Your dad could have reacted like mine.”

My hands find his hips, and I feel his dick brush mine. He’s semihard and grinding on me. So, I drag him to the bed, crashing onto the mattress, tangled up in each other.

I throw my leg over his and suck on his bottom lip. “I need to fuck you. My dick misses your tight ass.”

River laughs. “So romantic.”

“You want romance?”

I slide off the bed, dig through my bag, and offer him a small rectangular black box with a gold bow. He gives me an apprehensive look.

River tugs at the ribbon and flips the lid, laughing. “A cock ring? Really?”

“Hey, I wrapped it. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is.” I kneel on the floor between his spread legs. “Do you like it?”

He licks his lips and nods.

“Wanna use it?”

“Yes, but?—”

I press my finger to his lips. “Put it on. I want you to feel the vibration while I suck your cock.”

Without hesitation, River unzips his pants. I lean forward to breathe in his scent. Every time we have sex, I turn into a wolf sniffing his mate.

“Romance isn’t the same as sex,” River says as I inch his pants down his thighs.

To silence him, I lick the tip of his hard cock peeking through the slit in his boxer briefs. “Is this what you want? Or should I try to sweep you off your feet?”

“I like it when you sing.” Shoving his fingers through my blond hair, he smiles. “I like your voice.”

“Yeah?” I say, somewhat surprised. “Well, what should I sing for you? I’m really good at humming.”

I swallow his cock into the back of my throat, making a sound that drives him wild, the vibration going straight to his balls.

I pull off him and smirk. “Like that?”

“Yes, I like that… But I want you to sing a real song for me.”

I push his back to the mattress and get in bed with him. “Which one?”

“Whatever you want. Just sing something for me.”

I roll onto my side, holding his back to my chest, and belt out the lyrics to “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. We forget about getting off, and River hangs onto every word.

When the song ends, he tells me to keep going. I sing until we forget about the drama of the night and fall asleep.

I don’t have a single nightmare.