Page 39 of Ordinary Secrets (Secrets Trilogy #1)

39

TREY

I’m pathetic.

We’ve confirmed that she’s pregnant, and the first thing I do when we arrive home is climb into bed and ask her to cuddle with me. She does and falls back asleep within minutes. I don’t blame her. She has to work in the morning, and because of me, she’ll be running on barely five hours of sleep.

I’ve got her back crushed to my front, and I’m pathetically gripping onto her like I never want to let her go. Because I don’t. Because I’m so fucking pathetic!

I shouldn’t want her. I should be telling her this is over. But I don’t. I’m too weak. I still need her like I need air to breathe. All I can think about is how I can convince her to leave the other guy and be with me—only me. And to love me—only me.

I’ll give her anything she wants. Anything. Does she want me to change? Name it. I’ll do it. Does she want me to give her more attention? Less? I’ll do it. Does she want me to find her a fluffy unicorn that shits glitter? What color, baby? I’ll fucking do it.

The longer I hold her, the more I fall apart inside. My thoughts keep diving deeper and deeper into a black hole of I deserve this pain and I’m not worth anyone’s love . That second thought is the one that keeps repeating in my head like an annoying beeping sound I can’t get rid of. Why did I think for even a second that Arella could love me back? What’s there to love about me anyway? I can’t do anything without fucking it up.

My chest won’t stop burning like I’ve swallowed hot coals. My throat’s dry like the goddamn Sahara. It’s hard to breathe because my lungs feel constricted. Every breath I suck in is laced with her scent. Someone else got this close to her. Close enough to smell her and touch her. Close enough to put his load inside her.

Someone else.

Someone else.

Someone else.

In the morning, we barely speak to each other. As Arella leaves for work in a rush, she tells me that she’ll come right back when she’s done so we can talk. That gives me a small sense of hope. Maybe that means she’s willing to work things out.

That hope quickly drains out of me as I watch her taillights disappear, and I’m left alone. It’s not long before my mind spirals again. How could this happen? What did I do wrong? What can I do moving forward to be a better man for her? To be the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

If she could just be honest with me, I’d forgive her. I’ll even raise her child like it’s mine if it means she’ll stay with me.

Are there some logistics I’d have to figure out to make that happen? Of course.

Am I risking going to z-prison for life? Yep.

Am I willing to do it anyway? Abso-fucking-lutely.

I’m twenty minutes into murdering a punching bag when the doorbell chimes. I almost miss it with how loud my music is. Who the hell is here? No one ever shows up unannounced.

Except for one.

“I thought you were dead.” Jess makes my zense prickle. Behind her, droplets of water sprinkle from the gray clouds above at a steady pace. I didn’t realize it was raining.

“Nice of you to use the doorbell this time.” I don’t invite her in, and apparently, she doesn’t need the invitation. She struts right past me and dumps herself onto my couch, throwing her legs up onto the cushions.

Reluctantly, I shut the door. It mutes the sound of water falling that seems to get heavier every time I blink.

Jess looks me up and down, and it’s only then that I realize I’m still shirtless from my workout. I hate the way she stares at me like I’m property that belongs to her. I don’t.

“Did something happen to your phone?” Jess is wearing the world’s tightest pink shirt and a pair of denim shorts that cover more of her hips than her ass.

“No.” I don’t move from the door.

“Then why haven’t you been answering my calls or texts?”

Because I don’t want to or care to. “I’ve been busy.”

“With what?”

“Stuff.”

She blows out a breath, making her lips smack together. “All right, Mister-Fucking-Details. I see how it is.”

“What do you want?”

“Well, damn. Aren’t you a ray of fucking sunshine? Excuse me for checking up on a friend I haven’t heard from. I texted you at least four times last week and, like, three times the week before that. I honestly thought you were dead.”

“I’m not.”

“Good.” She kicks off her heels, then gets to her feet. “Got anything good to eat?”

Sighing, I follow her to the kitchen. “Take whatever you want, then leave. I’ve got shit to do.”

“Do it later.” She steals an apple from my fridge and takes a bite, leaning her elbows on the counter. “Come on, Grant. Don’t you miss me? You haven’t seen me in months, and now you’re kicking me—” She gasps and shoots up. “You’re seeing someone!”

Seeing Arella isn’t the right term for it. Madly in love with her is more like it.

A pang of jealousy slaps me in the face as Jess takes another bite of my apple. “Tell me about her.”

“Look, now isn’t a good time.”

“Sure it is! I’m here. You’re here. We both got nowhere to be.” Smirking, she heads to my bedroom. I follow and watch through unamused eyes as she jumps onto my sheets and shoves her face into the pillows. “Ya know, I’m not a Sniffer, but I can smell her. She sleeps here, doesn’t she?”

I don’t answer. Jess bounces off my mattress.

“She has clothes here!” she shouts from inside my closet. “Wow. You must really like this one.”

“It’s complicated.” I lean against the doorframe, debating on whether or not it’s appropriate to throw her over my shoulder and dump her back out in the rain.

Jess returns from the closet and settles on the edge of my bed. “How so?”

“It just is.”

“Is it ’cause she’s an Ordinary?” Jess takes my silence as a yes. “Trust me. Relationships with them Ordis never work. Been there, done that plenty. They’re only good for one thing: sex without the consequence of children. I’m actually seeing this new guy. He’s an Eavesdropper, like me. Things are working out so far. Maybe you should try dating Zordis again.”

The idea of that is like hearing tires screeching into my ear. I don’t want to date other Zordis. I only want one person. I just wish I was the only one she wanted too.

Jess stands from my bed to meet me in the doorway. She slides her hands up my bare chest. “Do you need me to remind you what being with your own kind is like?”

She intensifies her erotic emotions, knowing it’ll make me want her. It’s always worked before, but it’s not going to work now. I’m done with this woman. I’m done with her using me. And I’m especially done with her making me feel like the only time I’m worthy of her presence is when she needs a fuck and some cash.

Arella’s never made me feel like an ATM. If anything, she makes me feel like I’m worth more without the money. Plus, she’s never tried to use my mind power to manipulate me into giving her what she wants.

So I grab Jess by her wrists as I expand my Empath power out. I need to sense anyone but her, because if I don’t control my emotions, she will end up controlling me.

Her jaw drops as her confused shock rushes through my head. I wish I could say that I give a shit, but I don’t.

I’m more concerned about my situation with Arella. Thinking about it again makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out.

The last time I felt this terrible was when I lost Elliott. The time before that? When I lost my parents. Maybe this is my fate—to lose anybody who means anything to me. I’ve lost Arella to another man. Next, I’ll lose Liz and?—

“Seriously?”

I whip my head toward the voice coming from down the hall. Arella’s standing there with her jaw dropped and tears forming in her eyes. Before I can say anything, she runs away.