Page 37 of Ordinary Secrets (Secrets Trilogy #1)

37

ARELLA

“Arella, get up.” Trey shakes me awake.

I jerk out of my slumber. “Huh? Where’s the fire?”

“No fire. I just need to talk to you.” The panic in his tone lurches me upright.

He flips the bedroom lights on, making my eyes burn. I sit up, rub my eyes, then squint to see him. He’s got an expression on his face like he just witnessed someone jump off a skyscraper.

“Is everything okay?”

“Not really.” His voice sounds deep and husky.

I’m still naked from our before-bed activities. Trey has finally stopped treating me like I’m made of porcelain, and he’s gone back to being rough. Earlier, I was so exhausted from how good it was, I couldn’t even get up to get dressed. Instead, he wiped me off with a wet towel and I passed out.

“What time is it?” I ask.

“Two thirty-ish.”

In the morning?

Trey climbs into bed and sits an arm’s length away. He doesn’t usually sit that far from me. “I have a question to ask you, and I can’t wait until the morning for an answer.”

“Okay?” What could possibly be this urgent?

“Is there anything you’re hiding from me?”

I freeze with the blanket held to my chest. There’s only one thing I’ve been hiding from him, but how could he know? I haven’t told anyone, not even Javina. Did his weird intuitive sixth sense tell him?

I play dumb. “What’re you talking about?”

“Just answer the question.”

“I... um, I dunno what you’re talking about.”

“This! I’m talking about this!” From his back pocket, he yanks out some folded papers and tosses them onto the sheets between us. I recognize them immediately.

My eyes go wide. “Where did you get those?”

“From your purse.”

“What were you doing in my purse?”

“I was cleaning the kitchen. Your purse fell onto the floor, and all your shit spilled out—including these.” He points a hard finger at the pregnancy brochures I got when I stopped into the doctor’s office to take a test. “Just tell me it’s nothing and that I’m freaking out for no reason.”

I lower my head because this reaction is exactly what I was afraid of. Three nights ago, when I told him that I think we have too much sex, I didn’t mean it. We have the perfect amount of sex. That night, I wanted to be alone because I was panicking for other reasons—reasons I’ve been keeping from him because there hasn’t been a good time to tell him.

At least, that’s the lie I’ve been telling myself. Really, I’m just scared. What will he say? How will he react? Will he take it better than I did? It’s been three days, and I’m still trying to process it. How long will it take him?

When that test came back positive, my first fear was that he’s not ready to be a father and that he doesn’t want to be yet. Right now, he’s validating that fear.

My voice comes out soft and breathy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“No!” He shoots off the bed and paces the floor. “No! No! No!”

Suddenly, I feel more naked than I already am. I clutch the blanket closer to my body, wishing a shirt was within reach.

Trey rakes both hands through his hair. “How long have you known?”

I strain to keep my voice steady. “Three days.”

“ Three days ? You’ve known for three fucking days, and you didn’t think to mention it to me? Were you ever planning to let me in on your little secret?”

I shoot dagger eyes at him. “You should not be the one to lecture about secrets. I don’t think I have enough fingers to count how many you’re keeping from me.”

His face turns pale as his chest moves up and down in short breaths. “Who is he?”

“Huh?”

“Who’s the father?”

I tilt my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, who did you sleep with?”

“You . . .” Why would he even ask that?

He chuckles low in his throat, shaking his head. “Unbelievable.”

“Trey, I didn’t sleep with anyone else.”

For a split second, his expression falters. He heard the conviction in my tone. Then he glares at me. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not pregnant with my baby,” he says with just as much conviction.

“How are you so sure?”

He crosses his arms together. “Because I’m infertile.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I can’t have children.”

I gasp, and my head lurches back. Is this what he meant when he said he wanted kids but that it wasn’t “in the cards” for him? Is this why he wasn’t the least bit concerned about whether I was on birth control or not? “When were you planning on telling me that?”

“I—I didn’t think it was important.” Here’s another secret to add to his long list.

“Obviously, you’re not infertile, because I’m pregnant.”

“With who?”

“With you!”

He clenches his fists together. “Goddammit, Arella. Quit lying to me.”

“I’m not!” I shout.

“Bullshit!” he shouts back.

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m not going to sit here and be accused of lying and cheating when I haven’t.

I slide off the bed and shove my limbs into the closest shirt and pair of pants I can find. I feel Trey’s eyes on me the whole time. The lump in my throat grows with each wordless second that passes between us. Tears well into the corners of my eyes. I snatch my phone off the charger and storm down the hall.

Trey follows me. “What are you doing?”

I don’t answer him. Speaking feels like it’ll break me, and it’s taking all my strength to keep myself from crying right now. On the kitchen floor is my purse with all my things still scattered everywhere. Frantically, I thrust everything back where it belongs, then I dig my keys out as I rush to the front door.

Trey grabs me by my waist the second I touch the doorknob. He spins me around. “Where are you going?”

I knock his arms away. “Home.”

“You are home,” he says so firmly, it almost makes the hurt evaporate. Almost. His house feels more like home than my own apartment—only because he’s here. It doesn’t feel like home right now though. Not when he’s looking at me like I’ve betrayed him. If he really thinks I’d do such a thing, he doesn’t know me at all.

“I’m leaving, Trey. Call me when you?—”

He snatches the keys from me and shoves them into his pocket. “No.”

Oh, god. It’s like I’m watching a rerun of my episodes with Nathan. When I wasn’t marked up, he’d let me leave, knowing I’d come back eventually. When I was bruised, he’d take my car keys and lock me in the bedroom like a prisoner.

On the outside, this may look like the same situation, but on the inside, it doesn’t feel the same. Nathan forced me to stay because he was afraid someone would see the fresh wounds. Trey wants me to stay because... well, I don’t know. The anguish in his eyes tells me he’s hurt, but I did nothing to hurt him.

Okay, maybe I should have told him the moment I found out, but that was my only mistake. I don’t even understand how this happened. Trey only came inside me once, I’m on birth control, I took a Plan B pill the next morning, and we’ve been safe ever since. The odds of getting pregnant were like .001%. I don’t even get a regular period. With my birth control, I get a period, like, three times a year. How was my uterus able to produce life? It doesn’t make any sense.

Angry at this entire situation, I swing the door open and stomp out, slamming it behind me. It’s not until my bare feet hit Trey’s driveway that I realize I’ve left without shoes on. How far am I going to get without a vehicle or shoes?

I wipe the wetness from my cheeks as I hurry down the sidewalk. Apparently, I’ve decided that trudging around barefoot without a destination is better than being in there with my heated boyfriend who thinks I cheated on him.

I’m already past his neighbor’s house when the front door reopens.

“Arella!” Footsteps come running after me. It’s not long before he’s caught up. His breaths are heavy.

I expect him to yell at me. To smack me for disobeying him, or to call me names because I “wasn’t listening.” Instead, he takes one look at the tears rolling down my cheeks, then crushes me against his firm chest.

I attempt to push him off, but it only makes him squeeze me tighter. I’m too weak to shove him away, because I want this too. Nathan never chased after me. Some nights, I’d walk around for hours before finally coming back to find him still drinking, still angry, and still aggressive. All I ever wanted was for him to be sorry and for me to matter to him. I never did.

I matter to Trey though. I can tell by the way he’s holding me as if I’m the only thing that’s ever mattered to him. I sob into his shirt as he buries his face in my hair.

“Arella,” he says, all choked up. “Please don’t leave me. We can figure this out, okay? Just don’t leave me.”