Page 34
Story: Orders and Obsessions
“You know the pictures don’t change every time you look at them?” He put them in front of my face, and I stopped watching TV and looked at the pictures instead.
“Look at his toes, though.” I smiled because they were cute toes. “And his nose.” The nose was also cute. Mason said, “I want to kiss his nose.” “Shit, he’s just so f*****g perfect.”
I got up and fixed my hair, which freed Mason’s lap. He got up and went to the fridge, where he took out a bottle of water and drank from it.
He wiped the wetness off his lips, and my eyes moved over his perfect body. He was a big, strong man. With a nice face and a strong eight-pack. His sweatpants even hung from his waist in a sexy way.
I was a nervous whale, and I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with no way to hide the basketball under my shirt. Most of the time, I felt heavy and uncomfortable, and none of my clothes fit me anymore.
“Why do you have that look on your face?”
“Because you’re a s*x god and I’m a frump.”
He came back to the couch and put my swollen legs on his lap.
“What are you talking about? You’re beautiful, and your body is perfect.” He held my rock-hard stomach and the baby kicked, which made his eyes light up like they do every time.
He laughed and said, “Those little toes are strong.”
“I’m losing myself more and more. My individuality is going away like my waistband. I want my body back, Mason.”
The nurse said, “It’s too soon; we have to get to forty weeks.”
At first, I liked being pregnant. I was very tired, and while Mason worked out on the pitch, I could sleep in until late.
Mason would come back in the evening and we would laugh about how bad the recruits were that day.
And even though it was nice to have him all to myself in a little secret safety bubble shed, I was starting to miss being out on the pitch, where I felt like myself and normal.
Mason would take me out on really boring days, always at night so no one would see us. He would take me for a drive on the dirt roads or to get bad food from the side of the road. For a long time, we had s*x all the time, and my hormones were making my s*x drive go crazy. But now, this big—having s*x was the last thing on my mind.
I got used to the routine of being awake at night and sleeping during the day. But it just made me realise that seeing sunlight through a dirty window wasn’t enough.
I felt like I was in a small space.
I don’t know if it was the hormones that made me feel so bad or if I was just unhappy in general.
But I hated having those thoughts because this baby, our son, was such a gift to me. I was thankful for him and his health because I loved him so much.
I just wanted my body back, which Mason did get but couldn’t understand.
“I just want things to go back to normal,” I said. “Why don’t you ask some of my friends to come back? I miss them, and I know they won’t tell anyone.”
“Riley.” He said it softly, as if he were already letting me down with that word. “We can’t get caught.”
“But my friends—”
“Would probably do anything to get me to ship. They hate me because I’m their lieutenant, remember? I punish them every day, act like I’m better than them, and am in charge of their sentence.”
“Okay, but—”
“And some of them might hurt you just to get back at me. They might hurt our baby. I’m not going to take that chance.” He put his warm hand on my stomach. “I will do everything I can to keep him safe.”
“Mason.” I pushed his hand away and stood up. “I get it, but I’m sad and lonely. I want to see the girls I shared a bunker with and Jake. That’s all. They could come here, and we could—”
“No.”
“Not?”
“No.”
I didn’t like it when people said no. I had a big problem with people in charge, and Mason should have known that. But I know him, and he cares a lot about authority. We’re two different people who don’t get along.
I walked over to him and sat down on his lap. He put his hands on my belly again right away, with the big ball stuck between us.
I asked again, “No?”
“No,” he said again.
I kissed him softly all over his neck, and his hands moved from my belly to my hips.
“But you’re always so nice to me.” I whispered into his ear, and I could feel his body shiver from the sound.
“You get me what I want when I want it, like when I want spicy peppers and you go to the 24-hour mart to get them.”
I kissed him along his jawline, and he tightened his lips.
“When I want you, you give me what I need, f*****g me as many times as I want and letting me use you for my pleasure.”
I kissed his lips softly, and even though he tried to make things more passionate, I pulled away, teasing him.
“You give me strength, make me believe I’ll be a good mom, and make me feel beautiful when I’m feeling down. You make me feel like a diamond among rocks, and right now, you’re the only one who can stop me from feeling so sad.”
I pulled on his lip with my teeth, and he let out a small whimper.
“I really don’t like this,” he said, sounding a bit doubtful. I held back a smile because I knew I had won him over.
“But whatever you’re feeling, he’s feeling too, right?”
“Damn, I should have started with that. I would have gotten my way a lot faster.” He looked at me with narrow hickory eyes in disgust.
“Okay, Riley.” He said yes, but he didn’t want to. “But only a few, and they have to come to my shed. I want to be here. I want to watch them.” I laughed at first, but then I realised he wasn’t joking.
“Okay, but don’t be weird. They will feel very uncomfortable around you. Don’t punish them or be rude to them.”
“I never rude, and I wouldn’t punish them in their free time, but if they tell anyone about this, I’ll give them a punishment right away.”
I told them, “Just be normal.” “Are you able to do that?”
“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Look at his toes, though.” I smiled because they were cute toes. “And his nose.” The nose was also cute. Mason said, “I want to kiss his nose.” “Shit, he’s just so f*****g perfect.”
I got up and fixed my hair, which freed Mason’s lap. He got up and went to the fridge, where he took out a bottle of water and drank from it.
He wiped the wetness off his lips, and my eyes moved over his perfect body. He was a big, strong man. With a nice face and a strong eight-pack. His sweatpants even hung from his waist in a sexy way.
I was a nervous whale, and I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with no way to hide the basketball under my shirt. Most of the time, I felt heavy and uncomfortable, and none of my clothes fit me anymore.
“Why do you have that look on your face?”
“Because you’re a s*x god and I’m a frump.”
He came back to the couch and put my swollen legs on his lap.
“What are you talking about? You’re beautiful, and your body is perfect.” He held my rock-hard stomach and the baby kicked, which made his eyes light up like they do every time.
He laughed and said, “Those little toes are strong.”
“I’m losing myself more and more. My individuality is going away like my waistband. I want my body back, Mason.”
The nurse said, “It’s too soon; we have to get to forty weeks.”
At first, I liked being pregnant. I was very tired, and while Mason worked out on the pitch, I could sleep in until late.
Mason would come back in the evening and we would laugh about how bad the recruits were that day.
And even though it was nice to have him all to myself in a little secret safety bubble shed, I was starting to miss being out on the pitch, where I felt like myself and normal.
Mason would take me out on really boring days, always at night so no one would see us. He would take me for a drive on the dirt roads or to get bad food from the side of the road. For a long time, we had s*x all the time, and my hormones were making my s*x drive go crazy. But now, this big—having s*x was the last thing on my mind.
I got used to the routine of being awake at night and sleeping during the day. But it just made me realise that seeing sunlight through a dirty window wasn’t enough.
I felt like I was in a small space.
I don’t know if it was the hormones that made me feel so bad or if I was just unhappy in general.
But I hated having those thoughts because this baby, our son, was such a gift to me. I was thankful for him and his health because I loved him so much.
I just wanted my body back, which Mason did get but couldn’t understand.
“I just want things to go back to normal,” I said. “Why don’t you ask some of my friends to come back? I miss them, and I know they won’t tell anyone.”
“Riley.” He said it softly, as if he were already letting me down with that word. “We can’t get caught.”
“But my friends—”
“Would probably do anything to get me to ship. They hate me because I’m their lieutenant, remember? I punish them every day, act like I’m better than them, and am in charge of their sentence.”
“Okay, but—”
“And some of them might hurt you just to get back at me. They might hurt our baby. I’m not going to take that chance.” He put his warm hand on my stomach. “I will do everything I can to keep him safe.”
“Mason.” I pushed his hand away and stood up. “I get it, but I’m sad and lonely. I want to see the girls I shared a bunker with and Jake. That’s all. They could come here, and we could—”
“No.”
“Not?”
“No.”
I didn’t like it when people said no. I had a big problem with people in charge, and Mason should have known that. But I know him, and he cares a lot about authority. We’re two different people who don’t get along.
I walked over to him and sat down on his lap. He put his hands on my belly again right away, with the big ball stuck between us.
I asked again, “No?”
“No,” he said again.
I kissed him softly all over his neck, and his hands moved from my belly to my hips.
“But you’re always so nice to me.” I whispered into his ear, and I could feel his body shiver from the sound.
“You get me what I want when I want it, like when I want spicy peppers and you go to the 24-hour mart to get them.”
I kissed him along his jawline, and he tightened his lips.
“When I want you, you give me what I need, f*****g me as many times as I want and letting me use you for my pleasure.”
I kissed his lips softly, and even though he tried to make things more passionate, I pulled away, teasing him.
“You give me strength, make me believe I’ll be a good mom, and make me feel beautiful when I’m feeling down. You make me feel like a diamond among rocks, and right now, you’re the only one who can stop me from feeling so sad.”
I pulled on his lip with my teeth, and he let out a small whimper.
“I really don’t like this,” he said, sounding a bit doubtful. I held back a smile because I knew I had won him over.
“But whatever you’re feeling, he’s feeling too, right?”
“Damn, I should have started with that. I would have gotten my way a lot faster.” He looked at me with narrow hickory eyes in disgust.
“Okay, Riley.” He said yes, but he didn’t want to. “But only a few, and they have to come to my shed. I want to be here. I want to watch them.” I laughed at first, but then I realised he wasn’t joking.
“Okay, but don’t be weird. They will feel very uncomfortable around you. Don’t punish them or be rude to them.”
“I never rude, and I wouldn’t punish them in their free time, but if they tell anyone about this, I’ll give them a punishment right away.”
I told them, “Just be normal.” “Are you able to do that?”
“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.