Page 21
Story: Orders and Obsessions
“Is it really that bad to let me in? We’re stuck in a cave in the middle of nowhere, and no one else is here. Who will know what we talk about?”
I got up and walked to the cave entrance, looking up and down the river for a boat to rescue me. I couldn’t see one, so I just felt my clothes to see if they were dry. I put on my T-shirt and went back to my spot in front of the fire.
“It was…hard,” he said, taking a break for effect or to get the courage to keep going. “I was born here, into this. My mum was a medic and my dad was a private. He worked his way up the ranks over the years and by the time I was born he was the Lieutenant.”
I nodded along and listened closely to what he had to say. He clearly loved his mother very much because I could see the passion in his eyes when he talked about her.
“My mum didn’t like how he treated me. She wanted me to go to school and hang out with kids my own age. She didn’t want me to train. But she got sick and died when I was five, so my dad had to make all the choices on his own.
“I apologise,” I said softly.
“I never went to school. I lived at the camp and never left it. They treated me like a criminal here, like one of the soldiers. I trained on the assault course for twelve hours a day, starting when I was five.
It was hard for me as a kid because there were no toys, games, or kids my age here. I was raised in the military, and I think my dad forgot that I didn’t actually do anything wrong.
I ate slop, just like everyone else. I couldn’t leave, I couldn’t live in the staff quarters, and I couldn’t use the hot showers. I got in trouble, and he was really hard on me. He might have been even harder on him than on anyone else.
“That’s awful,” I said. He shrugged.
He said, “It’s all I knew.” “When I turned sixteen, I was a major, and it was the first time we started getting recruits my age.” I couldn’t hang out with them or make friends because I was now a rank. Not that they wanted to.
They saw me as an officer whose job it was to keep them on the straight and narrow. They made my life hell, and I couldn’t get away from them because I had to eat, sleep, and shower with them.
I stayed professional and gave them punishments and discipline, which made them hate me even more. But I wanted to make my father proud. The more he treated me like a criminal, the more I wanted to show him I wasn’t one. But to this day, nothing I do is enough.
“It sounds like your life has been very lonely, Mason.” The staff here didn’t accept you; they thought you were a criminal. The criminals only saw you as staff.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Who did you trust?”
He shuffled around awkwardly and didn’t say anything.
“Where was your help?””
Be quiet.
“Did you have any friends at all?”
“I’m not here for that.” When I turned twenty, I became a lieutenant. When my father retires, I will be in charge. I can’t have friends.
“But do you want to take over, or do you have to?””I asked gently, and he paused for a few quiet minutes to think about everything before he answered.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t know anything else. This is what I was meant to do, and it’s who I am. I can’t picture living any other way. Like my father and his father before him, I was born into the military. I will die in the military, but the difference is that I won’t have any kids along the way. I will be the last one in the cycle.
“I’m sorry you don’t think you’re good enough for your dad, but I can tell you from experience that you are. “You don’t talk to people, you’re good at giving orders, and don’t get me started on the punishments.” He smiled proudly, but his eyes didn’t show it.
“My dad is hard to make happy. I mean, look at me now; I’m talking to you. Letting you see me, call me by my first name, and ignore my orders. “You’re right, Dad. I do s**k at my job.”
“You can let someone in. “I just wish you would open up completely.” He smiled at me.
I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling again. We had some quiet time together. I threw a ball of socks into the air and caught it, and he poked the fire.
“So you didn’t promise not to f**k the recruits?”
He laughed and showed me his perfect teeth.
“Riley,” he said in a warning tone.
“Come on, what else do we need to do here besides talk?”I got on my knees and moved around. “You ask me questions, I ask you questions, and our answers get lost in this echoey cave. Deal?”
He thought about it for a while and then sighed.
“When I became a lieutenant, I had to swear that I wouldn’t have any kind of relationship with any of the recruits, even s****l ones.” I put my hand on a Bible and swore.
“Do you believe in God?”I asked.
“…no,” he said, as if he was questioning his own choices. “But that’s not the point.” It’s not right for me to get involved with the recruits.
“So you just have random one-night stands with people you meet at the bar?””
“Not really,” he said, making a face that showed he wasn’t sure. “I shared a bunker with seven other guys when I was a teenager, so I had to learn a lot of self-control.” “Now I just hold it back.”
“Suppress the feeling of being turned on?””
“We shouldn’t be talking about this because these questions are very personal.”
“Wait, so you’ve never been with any of the new people? – like in secret?”
“No, Riley, never.” “I can’t show them my o****m face one day and then make them run track the next. It just wouldn’t work.” He laughed and dismissed the craziness right away. I laughed too, because the word “o****m” on his lips sounded so strange.
“Lieutenant, do you have an ugly o****m face?””I was joking.”
“I can honestly say I’ve never seen it, but I can’t imagine it looks good.”
“Right now, show me how to fake an o****m.”
“What? No! You’re so weird!”He laughed.
“Go on, you coward. I’ll show you mine. Watch.” I squinted my eyes and crinkled my eyebrows, biting my lip and letting out a small moan from the back of my throat.
I got up and walked to the cave entrance, looking up and down the river for a boat to rescue me. I couldn’t see one, so I just felt my clothes to see if they were dry. I put on my T-shirt and went back to my spot in front of the fire.
“It was…hard,” he said, taking a break for effect or to get the courage to keep going. “I was born here, into this. My mum was a medic and my dad was a private. He worked his way up the ranks over the years and by the time I was born he was the Lieutenant.”
I nodded along and listened closely to what he had to say. He clearly loved his mother very much because I could see the passion in his eyes when he talked about her.
“My mum didn’t like how he treated me. She wanted me to go to school and hang out with kids my own age. She didn’t want me to train. But she got sick and died when I was five, so my dad had to make all the choices on his own.
“I apologise,” I said softly.
“I never went to school. I lived at the camp and never left it. They treated me like a criminal here, like one of the soldiers. I trained on the assault course for twelve hours a day, starting when I was five.
It was hard for me as a kid because there were no toys, games, or kids my age here. I was raised in the military, and I think my dad forgot that I didn’t actually do anything wrong.
I ate slop, just like everyone else. I couldn’t leave, I couldn’t live in the staff quarters, and I couldn’t use the hot showers. I got in trouble, and he was really hard on me. He might have been even harder on him than on anyone else.
“That’s awful,” I said. He shrugged.
He said, “It’s all I knew.” “When I turned sixteen, I was a major, and it was the first time we started getting recruits my age.” I couldn’t hang out with them or make friends because I was now a rank. Not that they wanted to.
They saw me as an officer whose job it was to keep them on the straight and narrow. They made my life hell, and I couldn’t get away from them because I had to eat, sleep, and shower with them.
I stayed professional and gave them punishments and discipline, which made them hate me even more. But I wanted to make my father proud. The more he treated me like a criminal, the more I wanted to show him I wasn’t one. But to this day, nothing I do is enough.
“It sounds like your life has been very lonely, Mason.” The staff here didn’t accept you; they thought you were a criminal. The criminals only saw you as staff.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Who did you trust?”
He shuffled around awkwardly and didn’t say anything.
“Where was your help?””
Be quiet.
“Did you have any friends at all?”
“I’m not here for that.” When I turned twenty, I became a lieutenant. When my father retires, I will be in charge. I can’t have friends.
“But do you want to take over, or do you have to?””I asked gently, and he paused for a few quiet minutes to think about everything before he answered.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t know anything else. This is what I was meant to do, and it’s who I am. I can’t picture living any other way. Like my father and his father before him, I was born into the military. I will die in the military, but the difference is that I won’t have any kids along the way. I will be the last one in the cycle.
“I’m sorry you don’t think you’re good enough for your dad, but I can tell you from experience that you are. “You don’t talk to people, you’re good at giving orders, and don’t get me started on the punishments.” He smiled proudly, but his eyes didn’t show it.
“My dad is hard to make happy. I mean, look at me now; I’m talking to you. Letting you see me, call me by my first name, and ignore my orders. “You’re right, Dad. I do s**k at my job.”
“You can let someone in. “I just wish you would open up completely.” He smiled at me.
I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling again. We had some quiet time together. I threw a ball of socks into the air and caught it, and he poked the fire.
“So you didn’t promise not to f**k the recruits?”
He laughed and showed me his perfect teeth.
“Riley,” he said in a warning tone.
“Come on, what else do we need to do here besides talk?”I got on my knees and moved around. “You ask me questions, I ask you questions, and our answers get lost in this echoey cave. Deal?”
He thought about it for a while and then sighed.
“When I became a lieutenant, I had to swear that I wouldn’t have any kind of relationship with any of the recruits, even s****l ones.” I put my hand on a Bible and swore.
“Do you believe in God?”I asked.
“…no,” he said, as if he was questioning his own choices. “But that’s not the point.” It’s not right for me to get involved with the recruits.
“So you just have random one-night stands with people you meet at the bar?””
“Not really,” he said, making a face that showed he wasn’t sure. “I shared a bunker with seven other guys when I was a teenager, so I had to learn a lot of self-control.” “Now I just hold it back.”
“Suppress the feeling of being turned on?””
“We shouldn’t be talking about this because these questions are very personal.”
“Wait, so you’ve never been with any of the new people? – like in secret?”
“No, Riley, never.” “I can’t show them my o****m face one day and then make them run track the next. It just wouldn’t work.” He laughed and dismissed the craziness right away. I laughed too, because the word “o****m” on his lips sounded so strange.
“Lieutenant, do you have an ugly o****m face?””I was joking.”
“I can honestly say I’ve never seen it, but I can’t imagine it looks good.”
“Right now, show me how to fake an o****m.”
“What? No! You’re so weird!”He laughed.
“Go on, you coward. I’ll show you mine. Watch.” I squinted my eyes and crinkled my eyebrows, biting my lip and letting out a small moan from the back of my throat.