Page 94 of On the Rocks
“What would you have me do?” I asked.
“Call off the wedding like you were planning to,” she said, as if it were that easy. “And run to that boy whoreallyloves you.”
“Betty…” Annie tried to warn, but I was already pulled into the argument.
“My hands are tied,” I said, standing to face her. “My father’s reputation, his job, our house, our entirelifedepends on me marrying this man. I can’t just feed my father to the wolves.”
“So, you’ll feedyourselfto one, instead?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came. So, I just shut it again, eyes falling down to where my fingers skated over the water.
Betty sighed, making her way to the ladder at the edge of the pool before she slowly climbed out, Annie holding one hand behind her just in case. “Come,” she said, not even looking back at me. “Walk with an old woman, would you?”
Water was still dripping off each of us as we walked in our towels, first around the tennis court and then back to the garden, where a path wound through each little corner of it like a snake. It was shaded, a nice reprieve from the sun, and it wasn’t until we were within those garden walls that Betty finally spoke.
“I want to start by saying that no matter what you choose to do, I will love you through it,” she started, tugging off her swim cap and pushing her goggles up on her head. “Because you are like a daughter to me, Ruby Grace. Like the daughter we never had.”
Her eyes shined at that, and I knew she was thinking about Leroy.
I reached over, threading my arm through hers.
“And maybe that’s why I feel compelled to say this to you. I know you already have a mother, but, the way I see it, you can never have too many moms in your life. And, if I’m being honest, I don’t agree with the guidance your true mother is giving you right now.”
I swallowed.
“I know it’s complicated. I know it feels like your hands are tied, like there’s no choice for you in this matter — but I want to be the one to tell you that there is. You’re young, Ruby Grace. Right now, it feels like you have to do what is expected of you, that there is a standard you must meet, that in order to be happy, you have to follow this list of rules and guidelines and you have to marry a certain kind of man and live in a certain kind of house and raise certain kinds of kids.” She sort of laughed, sort of scoffed. “But, honey? That’s all bullshit.”
I smirked.
“Can we sit?” she asked, a little out of breath as she pointed to a bench near the bed of Indian blanket sunflowers.
When we were both seated, she took a few breaths, dabbing at the sheen of sweat on her forehead with her towel before she sat back.
“There comes a time in your life when you look around you and you realize that you don’t want to play the game anymore,” she said. “You realize you don’t want the fake friends, or the toxic relationships, or the people telling you how you should liveyourlife when they can’t even run their own. Some find it in their thirties. Some in their forties. Some, like the old woman beside you, not until most of their life has passed.”
I frowned, reaching over to hold her hand. “You’ve had an amazing life,” I argued. “A man who loved you, a town that cherishes you.”
“That’s just it, though,” she said. “Leroy wanted to stay in this town, whereas I wanted to flee from it. I wanted to travel, to see the world, to talk to strangers from other cultures and learn more than just what’s here in Tennessee. But I never did.” She held up a finger. “Now, I don’t want you thinking I wasn’t happy, because I was. I loved Leroy. Istilllove that man — even though he broke our pact to let me die first, the bastard.”
I chuckled, eyes glossing over.
“But, aside from his love, I never fulfilledmyself. And that’s one area where Leroy couldn’t help me. He would have supported me, if I would have stood up formyselfand said out loud what I wanted. But, I never did. Instead, I found my adventure by watching movies and living throughotherpeople — through celebrities. I waited until Leroy was gone from my life, until my legs were too old and tired, my lungs not capable of feeding me enough oxygen, my heart not steady enough to pump enough blood into my brain. It took me too long to speak up for myself, and I regret it. Truly, I do. I could have seen the world, could have experienced so much more with the man I loved, if I only would have stood up and spoke.”
I sighed. “And that’s what you want me to do.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Iwant you to do what you want to do — regardless of if I agree with it or not. Like I said, you’re my daughter in my eyes, and I will support you through anything.” She paused, running her bony, silky finger over my wrist. “But, let’s just say I’m speaking to you on behalf of future Ruby Grace. I’m speaking as Ruby Grace at seventy-four, in a nursing home of her own.”
My heart kicked up a notch as I tried to imagine it — an older version of me, looking back on my life, on what I’d built, what I’d leave behind.
What hurt the most was that I couldn’t even picture it.
“All I’m saying is that I know it feels like you’re tied to a railroad track with a train coming straight at you. It feels like it’s this or nothing. But, I’m telling you, you have a giant pair of scissors in your hands that you can cut that rope with.”
“Betty…”
“It may be difficult,” she said, cutting me off. “You might get rope burn and you may cut yourself and bleed a little. You may let some people down. Hell, you may uproot everything you knew about your life before, about what you thought it’d be, and you may walk into something completely different, something you never expected.” A smile bloomed on her pale lips, then. “But, my dear, isn’t that the best part of being young? The possibilities are endless, the paths limitless, and you have so many different directions you can walk.” She shrugged. “You just have to decide if you want to walk the path of least resistance, the one where you are merely another traveler on the road. Or, if you want to forge a new path with those scissors, bit by bit, limb by limb, and discover something you never could have imagined.”
“It sounds selfish.”