Page 44 of On the Rocks

My brows shot up. “You are?” I asked Anthony.

“I am,” he said, a soft grin on his perfect lips. “We’ve been getting a lot of media attention with me running for state representative, and it seems that marrying you is everyone’s favorite topic. Can’t say that I blame them,” he said, chucking my chin. “Anyway, Dad thought it would be good to capitalize on all the attention. He sent me out here with a small film crew. They’re going to film us preparing for the wedding, capture our love story for the media outlets and possibly some campaign commercials. Don’t worry,” he said when he saw the worry in my eyes. “They won’t be with us all the time. And we’ll have a say in what they can use.”

I nodded through my discomfort, especially since I couldn’t quite place its origin. Was it the thought of cameras following me that made my stomach lurch like that, or the fact that Anthony was in my hometown to stay for the next five weeks?

And if that was the case,whydid it make me uncomfortable?

“Oh, I just can’t believe it!” Mama said, clapping her hands together. “I’ll have to plan a dinner this week for the crew. We can all get to know each other and I’ll make my famous lemon bar cookies. We’re just so thrilled to have you, Anthony!”

She wrapped him up in her arms before scurrying off, calling down the hallway for Dad to come join us in the living room for a night cap.

I stood in the foyer in a daze, blinking repeatedly, sensing the disarray of my hair as if it were the only sense I could focus on in that moment. I smoothed my hands over the frizzy curls, over and over, staring at the family photo that greeted all our guests who entered the house.

“Hey,” Anthony said, taking my face in his hands. He leveled his gaze with mine. “I know this is a lot, and surprises aren’t really your thing. Why don’t you run up and take a shower, get changed, take some time for yourself. I’ll handle entertaining your parents until you feel ready to come down and join us. Okay?”

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest. He was so aware of my needs, of who I was, and I’d just been in the arms of another man. I wanted to cry, to throw myself into his arms and beg for forgiveness, but I didn’t even know what to apologize for.

Or, maybe part of that came from the fact that I wasn’t sorry, not the way I should have been.

“Okay,” I said, eyes watering a little as I nodded.

Anthony kissed my forehead in understanding, and once he let me go, I dragged myself up the stairs and to my room. Anthony’s stuff was in the guest room down the hall, and I passed it, eyeing the luggage before I swept into my own room and locked the door behind me.

I ran the shower water as hot as I could stand, hoping it would scald away my guilt, my confusion, my warring thoughts.

My fiancé was in town. He would be here to help with planning, with all the decisions. We’d be able to spend time together, celebrate this time leading up to our wedding like a normal couple.

The man I loved was here, and I wanted to find relief in that, to wrap myself up in the comfort of his arms.

I just had to fight through the feeling of suffocation, first.

Noah

Against my strongest urges, I left Ruby Grace alone after that night at my house.

I told myself it was because I was respecting her claim that she loved Anthony, and that he loved her, but the truth was probably somewhere more along the lines that I knew I’d see her later that week. I fought the urge to text or call her Monday through Wednesday because I knew on Thursday, I’d get to see her in person.

And I always did my best work in person.

I needed to apologize, that much I knew fairly clearly. I didn’t necessarilywantto, because the bigger part of me wasn’t sorry for pulling her close on my porch, for nearly kissing her, for calling her out on the bullshit rules of the marriage she was about to enter into. I didn’t want her to give upherdreams for his.

There should have been balance, and room for both.

I didn’t know why I felt so passionately about it, why it irked me so much that she was so willing to push everything she wanted aside for him. More sane people might have seen it as an honorable sacrifice. But me? I thought of my parents, of how Mom supported Dad in all his aspirations at the brewery while he supported her dreams when it came to building our family. They respected each other, and not one part of the team was more important than the other.

I wanted that for me.

And for some unbeknownst reason, I wanted it for Ruby Grace, too.

So, on Thursday, the night of the annual Scooter Whiskey Single Barrel Soirée, I went over everything I’d say to her while my hands worked on autopilot getting the event ready.

“Can you even imagine what it would be like,” PJ spoke through grunts as he unloaded another barrel from the truck. “To have enough money to just blow fifteen grand on a barrel of whiskey?”

I smirked, reading the name inscribed on the golden plate of the barrel he’d just pulled off the truck. I scribbled a check next to the one on my sheet, nodding to Marty, who loaded it onto a dolly and took it on down the line to the buyer’s VIP tent.

“Trust me, if I had money like that, I wouldn’t be blowing it on alcohol,” he continued.

“Oh, yeah? Whatwouldyou spend it on, PJ?” Eli teased, leaning one elbow on a barrel. “Let me guess. Hookers.”