Page 90 of On the Rocks

I’d ignored all the warning signs.

And now, I was paying the price.

“You okay over there?” Mikey asked from where he was strumming on his guitar at the opposite corner of the porch. He kept his eyes on the strings, plucking away. “You sound like a dragon with all that huffing.”

“Fuck off, Mikey.”

His head popped up at that, brows tugging together. “Hey…”

“Oh, don’t mind him, Mikey,” Logan said. “He’s got his panties in a wad over Ruby Grace and clearly he just wants to sulkaroundus, but not actually get our advice.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I spat.

“I know I don’t. None of us do. And wewon’tuntil you tell us.”

“Leave him alone,” Jordan said from his rocking chair, sipping on the old fashioned he’d made. It was like his word was final, Mikey giving me one last look before he started strumming again, and Logan sighing before he drained his beer and stood, walking inside to be with Mom.

Jordan didn’t look at me, but I silently thanked him, anyway.

I had so many questions running through my mind, so many things I wanted to talk about and work through. But at the end of the day, I knew it was pointless.

It didn’t matterwhyshe’d run from me, or why she was still marrying Anthony.

All that mattered was that shedid.And she was.

End of story.

I felt her hands on my shoulders before I even realized she’d joined us on the porch. Mom gave my traps a gentle squeeze, holding me in place while she spoke to my brothers. “Can you guys give us a minute?”

Mikey stopped playing abruptly, hopping up before trotting down the stairs to his car. “I’m going to Bailey’s. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Jordan stood next. “I’ll go see what Logan is up to.” He paused, finally looking at me. “For what it’s worth, I’m here. If you need anything.”

Just saying that was hard for Jordan. I knew, because he hadn’t approved of my plan to try to get Ruby Grace in the first place. But as he passed, he put a hand on my shoulder next to Mom’s, squeezing once and leaning in to kiss her cheek before he left us alone.

That was a brother’s love. It was resilient, and always there — even when we didn’t deserve it.

When it was just me and Mom, she rounded my chair, sitting in the empty one next to me. For a long while, she was silent, just rocking next to me with her eyes on the yard.

It was crazy sometimes, looking at Mom. She’d aged in the years since Dad had passed, and I wondered what he would look like now. Would his hair be gray? Would the wrinkles around his eyes and lips be deeper? Would he still be stout as ever, or would he be thin, with a beer belly and a balding head?

Mom was still the same woman I remembered from being a toddler, even though her hair was shorter, a little grayer, her eyes a little more worn. She was still the same superhero I’d always seen when I looked at her.

“So,” she said after a long moment, still rocking gently. “You better have a reason for not touching your brussel sprouts tonight. Those have been your favorite since you were a teenager. And your brothers hate them, so you know I made them just for you.”

I tried to smile. “And you know I love you for it. I’ll take some home, reheat them for lunch tomorrow.”

“I’ll pack them up for you. But that doesn’t get you off the hook for telling me why you can’t even drink your beer right now.”

I glanced at the offending can, like it’d given away my secret even though I knew I was doing that well enough on my own.

I’d always sucked at hiding my emotions. Jordan was the best at that, Mikey was perhaps the worst. But, I wasn’t much better than him. When I was angry, I lashed out. I got into too many fights. I shut out those who tried to help me. I would brood and sulk in my thoughts, but never share them with anyone.

Maybe because I knew no one could help.

Maybe because I was too scared to admit I needed it.

“Ah,” Mom said after a long pause. “It’s a girl, isn’t it?”