Page 86 of On the Rocks
“Is that the Big Dipper?” she asked, pointing to the constellation.
I nodded. “Mm-hmm. And Orion’s Belt, Scorpius, Lyra,” I said, pointing to them as I called out their names. “There are more, but I can’t remember them. Dad knew them all.”
“Why are they only in this corner?”
“This is my corner of the tree house,” I explained. “Dad built this for me and my brothers, and when he did, he tried to put a little bit of each of us in our own sections. At the time that he built it, I was hell bent on sailing around the world one day, and I had a big fascination with space and the constellations.”
She smiled, eyes tracing the man-made stars. “Do you still want to? Sail around the world?”
I shrugged. “I mean, I think it’d be cool, but I think that desire shifted more to just traveling, in general. I’m so tied to this town, to the distillery, that I never leave. I want to change that in the coming years, get out and see the country, the world.”
“I get that,” Ruby Grace whispered. She opened her mouth to say something more, but paused, closing it again, instead.
I swallowed.
“My dad built this for us with the intention of us always having a safe place to run to. He never got upset if we wanted to take time out here, and he told us whenever we got angry, to come here and think it all through first before acting. And I mean, it wasn’tallfor angsty teenage boys,” I said on a smirk. “We came out here just to have fun and hang out, too. But, it’s been a safe place. For all of us. And I knew one day I’d bring someone out here, that I’d share it with them, I just didn’t know who. Or when.” I shifted, looking down at her in my arm. “I wanted to wait until it was the right time, the right person.”
She pulled her gaze to mine, then, and her brows bent together. “Noah…”
“I know this has probably been one of the hardest weeks of your life,” I said. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through in the days since I last held you. But, I’m so glad you came tonight.”
Thunder rolled deep and heavy through the treehouse, and gentle rain began tapping on the tin roof, giving me the background music for the declaration I’d been preparing all week.
“Noah, we need to talk.”
“I know,” I said, thumbing her chin. “I know we do. But, can I go first?”
She frowned, but nodded in concession.
My stomach flipped a little as I sat up, turning until I could face her completely. “You aren’t the first girl to come into my life, Ruby Grace, but you are the first girl to come into my life and leave a mark.” I swallowed, searching her eyes with mine. “I’ve never experienced this kind of… feeling. It’s selfless. I can’t stop thinking about you, about all that you are, all that youwillbe. My thoughts are consumed with the way you make me feel, with the sound of your laugh, with the colors of your eyes, with the passion flowing from your heart for everyone you care about.” I shook my head, taking both her hands in mine. “I thought it was impossible to ever make you mine…trulymine. And I would have settled on being your friend if I had to, butGod, I’m so glad I don’t have to.”
Her eyes watered, and she bit her bottom lip, shaking her head and letting her gaze fall to my chest. “Noah…”
“I did something this week,” I said, heart racing a little faster now. “And I know it’s going to probably be a lot to take in, and you have time to consider everything, but…” My smile was so wide, I could barely speak through it. “I applied to AmeriCorps for you.”
Her eyes snapped back to mine. “You… youwhat?”
“I only did it for two positions,” I said quickly. “And only for two that I thought you would be perfect for, two that I knew you’d love. They’re both out west. One of them is working in a center focused on mental health and substance abuse victims, and the other is on a Native American reservation working with senior citizens.” My hands started shaking the more I spoke, my excitement growing. “I had to do some digging for your community service history, and I wrote a motivational statement on your behalf, but… well… yeah. I applied for you.”
She gaped at me, and my heart raced more.
“Obviously, you don’t have to go,” I said, trying to gauge her reaction. I thought maybe she was in shock, or maybe she didn’t think it was possible, that this was something she could do. I aimed to show her that it was. “And you can apply to different ones if those don’t interest you. I just… I wanted you to know that you can do whatever you want. If you want to go into the Corp, you can. If you want to go back to school, you can. Because even if your parents cut you off, AmeriCorps will help pay for your education. And I’ll go with you,” I said, but as soon as the words left my lips, I paled. “I mean, if you want me to. Or I can stay here and wait, whatever you want. But what I’m trying to say is… we’re a team, Ruby Grace.” I smiled, smoothing my thumbs over her wrists. “We’re in this together, and it’s not just about me and my dreams. It’s about you and yours, too.”
The rain picked up, theting tingon the roof the only sound between us as Ruby Grace opened her mouth, shut it again, opened it, shut it. She searched my eyes with a look I couldn’t decipher — something between awe, love, shock, and hurt. All of those emotions existed in equal measure in those hazel eyes, and my stomach knotted tighter, my thumbs still rubbing her wrists.
“Can you say something, please?” I said on a soft laugh.
Ruby Grace rolled her lips together before closing her eyes, and she shook her head, as if the next words she was about to speak were burning her tongue but she was holding her mouth closed to try to keep them in anyway.
And when she finally spoke, I understood why.
Ruby Grace
My throat burned as I tried to sort through the thoughts in my head.
Every fiber of my heart urged me to throw myself into Noah’s arms, to wrap myself up in him and cry tears of thankfulness. Here he was, the man I’d always dreamed of, showing me the kind of love I’d wanted all my life — the kind of love my fiancé would never give me.
And I had to walk away from it.