Page 46 of On the Edge

A light came on in the hall and then the kitchen, casting a shaft of bright light into the lounge room.

‘I just ducked into the supermarket so I picked you up a few things,’ she called from the kitchen, opening and closing cupboard doors as she unpacked groceries.

‘I’m sure she thinks we’d starve if she didn’t keep us stocked up,’ Cath said under her breath.

‘And I picked up a couple of dishes from the Chinese takeaway for you for dinner.Honey chicken and beef in black bean.’

Nel looked at Cath who widened her eyes in silent recognition.Nel smiled.It felt good, this rare moment of connection between them.

‘And I brought you over a coat, Nel.You’ll freeze if you keep wearing that ridiculous leather thing.’Lauren appeared at the door, holding a navy coat, catching the end of the look between them.Her eyes flicked from one to the other.‘What?’

‘Nothing, darling,’ Cath said.

‘Thanks,’ Nel said.

‘It’s an old one so you can keep it as long as you like.’She lay the coat over the back of the armchair.‘What were you talking about?’She directed the question to Cath.

‘Nel was telling me about visiting Faye today.’

Lauren turned to Nel and narrowed her eyes.‘You went to see Faye?’

‘Yeah, I stopped by to say hello.’A pause.‘Is that okay with you?’

‘Not really.They don’t need you stirring up the past.’

‘We just had a cup of tea and a chat, Lauren.We talked about her paintings mostly.I didn’t even mention Maddie.’

Lauren scrutinised her.‘Geoff and Faye lost their daughter, their only daughter.Can you imagine what that must be like?’

Nel didn’t answer.

Cath broke the silence.‘Did you know that Faye had a stillborn baby a few years before Maddie was born?A boy.She had to deliver him in the labour ward along with all the women giving birth to healthy babies.They called him Hugh.’She shook her head andsighed.‘She’d already had five or six miscarriages by then, so it was just devastating.’

‘God,’ Nel said.‘I had no idea.’

‘I wanted to hide from her when I was pregnant with you, Lauren,’ Cath went on.‘Seeing her felt cruel, like I was rubbing her face in it.It was such a relief when Maddie was born, healthy and beautiful.’She looked at Nel.‘You two were inseparable, right from the start.Yin and yang.’

‘And then to lose Maddie too.’Lauren shook her head.

Nel pictured Faye’s face, grief etched in every line.‘It’s hard to believe life could be so cruel.’

‘There were more miscarriages after Maddie,’ Cath said.‘I’m not sure how many, I think she stopped telling me about them.’

Lauren turned to Nel.‘Do you understand that this is the pain you’re stirring up every time you mention Maddie?Every time you question what happened?’She paused as though waiting for her words to land.When she spoke again her voice was softer.‘Maddie was … unstable.Unpredictable.She had a wild energy that felt dangerous.What happened was terribly sad, Nel, but it was either an accident or a suicide.The Marshalls have obviously decided to believe it was an accident, and as a mother I can understand why.You need to let them have that.’

Nel thought back to Faye’s words that afternoon:Maddie’s accident.It had jarred with her at the time because it felt incorrect.Like a euphemism.

‘Okay,’ Nel said.

‘Okay what?’Lauren pressed her.‘You’ll leave it?’

Nel shrugged and didn’t answer.‘I’ve made a decision,’ she said.They looked at her expectantly.‘I’m going to stay a bit longer.A month or so.Hopefully that’ll be long enough to find a buyer for the clinic.’

‘That’s wonderful news.’Cath exhaled and smiled.‘Thank you, Nel.’

Lauren stared at her.‘Why the change of heart?’

‘Isn’t that what you wanted?’Nel asked.