Page 2 of On the Edge

‘Nel?’Lauren said, an uncharacteristic tremor in her voice.

Nel’s heart lurched.‘What is it?Is something wrong?’

‘Mum’s been trying to call you.’Lauren faltered.Was she crying?

‘I just finished my shift.Why?What’s happened?’

‘It’s Dad.’

‘Dad?’

‘He’s had a heart attack.They …’

A long pause.

‘They what?Lauren?’

‘They—’

There was a sudden jolt and the crunch of metal as she realised, too late, that the traffic had stopped again.

‘Shit!’She hit the steering wheel with both hands.

A balding man got out of the Mercedes in front and stood in the rain, shouting and gesticulating wildly in her direction.A discordant chorus of car horns blared from behind.

Nel took a deep breath.‘Sorry.I just crashed into the car in front.’The line was silent.She looked at the phone.‘Lauren?I missed the last thing you said.’

‘I said … they couldn’t save him.’

Nel dumped her handbag and keys on the kitchen bench and stood looking around her studio apartment, not sure what to do next.Winston barely opened one eye to acknowledge her from where he lay curled up on the bed.She covered her face with her hands as hot tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

She tried to calm herself with some deep breaths.She should call her mum.She’d had to end the call with Lauren abruptly to swap insurance details with the balding man who’d become increasingly irate the longer Nel sat in her car.He’d made no effort to share his enormous golf umbrella as they stood on the roadside in the pouring rain while he pointed out all the damage done to his car.He seemed particularly furious that her car had come out of it almost unscathed, except for a slight ding.‘What the hell were youdoing?’he’d exclaimed more than once, apparently oblivious to the tears streaming down her cheeks.

Nel reached for her phone now and tried her mum, but it went to voicemail.She peeled off her wet clothes, leaving them in a pile on the kitchen floor, then went into the bathroom and flicked on the hot tap.When steam filled the shower, she stepped in, letting the water scald her skin as huge sobs overcame her.

Her legs buckled and she let herself collapse onto the floor, her thoughts swinging between disbelief and despair.How could this be?She’d seen her dad just a month ago when he came to Sydney for a conference.They’d caught the ferry to Manly and walked to Shelly Beach, marvelling at the turquoise water.He’d insisted on swimming, even though it was the middle of winter.

‘Get in here!’he’d called as she stood on the sand, delaying the inevitable.She knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

She’d squealed as she tiptoed in.‘It’s bloody freezing!’

‘It’s bloody beautiful!’Rob had replied, and he was right.

She frowned.This must be a mistake.It had to be.He was only sixty-two.Sixty-two is young!And he was the fittest man she knew.He surfed every morning.He paddled on Saturdays.He’d run a marathon last year, for fuck’s sake!But then Lauren’s words echoed in her mind and sobs overwhelmed her once more.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that, but when she turned the water off she could hear her phone ringing.She wrapped herself in a towel and rushed to answer, her hair dripping on the carpet.

‘Mum,’ she gasped, tears coming again.

‘Oh, Nellie.I’m so sorry, darling.’

For a few minutes, they cried together without speaking.

‘I don’t understand,’ Nel said eventually.‘What happened?’

Cath sniffed.‘He went into the clinic this morning to get on top of his paperwork, and he must have started to feel unwell becausehe called an ambulance.He was unconscious when they found him.They tried …’ She took a shaky breath.‘They tried to resuscitate him but …’ Her words trailed off as tears took hold again.

Nel pictured her father, all alone, as the symptoms came on.Was it a terrifying tightening in his chest?Did he have the telltale pain down his left arm?Did he know what was happening?What did he think of in those final moments?Was he scared?