Page 35 of Nothing to Beat (Nothing to… #13)
SHE LEFT THE APARTMENT that morning, after a good night’s sleep, while Breck was in the shower. It wasn’t an act of cowardice, it was a desperate grab for normality. That was the first day that week she’d got up and gone into Breckenridge as was her usual routine.
No lawyers. No District Attorneys, or Assistant District Attorneys. No evidence. No testifying. No Gambattos or crime lords. Just work. Good, normal, any-other-day work.
That was the idea anyway.
Pregnancy was such a huge thing. It didn’t help that no one else knew. No one except Breck, who was doing exactly what she needed him to do by not calling or tracking her down. As much as she needed him, she needed space, and he got that.
Did he have to be so damn wonderful all the time?
Work might be getting done, but her heart wasn’t in it. There was a child growing in her belly. A real baby. Some moments she got a zip of excitement. Others were dread. What parental role model did she have to emulate? None.
Maybe it would be better for the kid if she handed him over to Breck and ran a million miles. Gambatto selfishness might creep in otherwise. What if it didn’t work out the way she thought. The baby could be born and maybe she wouldn’t be flooded with the love parents were supposed to feel.
Would she resent the child, as her parents resented her, and anyone else who didn’t subscribe to their way of life? She could corrupt him. What had she been thinking continuing the Gambatto line?
“How was LA?”
Benedict Breckenridge. Family patriarch. CEO. Mentor. Philanthropist. One of the most successful men of his generation. Yep, that was Benedict Breckenridge standing in her doorway.
“Breck called you?”
That kind of came across as an accusation, which was so not her intention.
His genuine smile warmed the room, activating her trust. “Not today,” he said, strolling further inside. “You didn’t come to say hello.”
And if she’d been on vacation, that might be something she’d do. They didn’t talk all the time, they weren’t best buds, but there probably wasn’t a person on earth she trusted more.
“I’m pregnant.”
The strained words burst out. She spat them across the room; the ache of whatever emotion she battled came out in a cough like a confession that burdened her soul. This guy had to have magical powers.
He stepped back, reaching behind himself to close the door without looking.
“Congratulations.”
She waited. And waited.
Well, if he wasn’t going to say anything… “I thought that I wanted to be a mother, but now it’s really happening…”
“It’s overwhelming. Don’t be afraid, we all go through it. When did you find out?”
“Yesterday.”
He gestured at the couch by the window and headed that way. Quick to jump up, she followed and sat while he poured water from the pitcher on the side table.
“The news has barely had a chance to sink in yet.” He handed her the glass and sat in the corner of the couch, one arm along the back, the other on the arm. “Give yourself some time. Is that why you left LA?”
She sipped, their eyes locked, until she had to concede with a shrug and lower the glass. “Maybe.”
“Because Alice was there.”
That was a truth she had come to grips with. “Alice would’ve taken one look at me and I’d have cried. She doesn’t need me crying all over her. The woman has sixteen sons to worry about.”
“She can worry about them and her daughter at the same time. Though this isn’t a worry, this is a celebration. You’ll be a wonderful mother.”
If only she had that confidence. “Are you so sure about that?” The glass went to her knee. “I’m a Gambatto.”
“You’re a Breckenridge. I’ve seen how you love and I don’t doubt you have plenty of it to lavish on your offspring.”
After another sip, it wasn’t so easy to meet his gaze. “Are you going to ask me?”
“Ask you what? Are you happy?”
Her eyes went to his. “Who the father is.”
Another smile. “I don’t need to ask. Breck will love this child, fiercely, whether it carries his DNA or not. We all will.”
Even after all these years, the family still astounded her with their acceptance.
“It is. Breck’s. He is the father, and he knows, I… I asked him not to tell people. To keep this between us until we’d processed it.”
“He’ll support whatever you need.”
“I don’t want you to think I kept it a secret, or that he did. We’re not ashamed, I… I just don’t know what will come next.”
“This is your journey. You decide what comes next. Together.”
“Should we get married?”
Guidance from her mentor would be greatly appreciated and eagerly accepted. Sometimes it was easier just to have someone give out instructions to be followed. And this was Ben, she’d follow his instructions without hesitation.
“Do you want to get married?”
“He hasn’t asked me.”
Ben’s laugh was a surprise. “Because he knows you better than that. He would never blurt out the question without forethought. At the slightest hint of obligation, you’d shut him down. You want to get married for love, the same as he does.”
“He’s asked me before… not recently with everything, but… we did talk about it.”
“And your concerns about your family always held you back. From what I understand, that’s being cleaned up.”
“I had to do something. Breck left here, Breckenridge, to put distance between him and… what worried me. He did it for us and I couldn’t be the reason he… he loves his family.”
“And we will continue to love him regardless of where he works, lives, whether he gets married or doesn’t. Alice always said you were his only chance at it.”
“A normal life?”
“True happiness.”
“Was she high at the time?”
The depth of appreciation in his low laugh offered relief.
“Marrying for love. Soulmates do exist, so Alice tells me. Given my own experience, I have no evidence to the contrary. If my eldest wants to be happy, he has to spend his life with his soulmate. Marriage doesn’t matter.
Who we’re biologically related to, none of it is as important as love and respect. ”
“Support not judgment,” she whispered and twisted to put the glass on the table behind her. “I want to spend my life with him.”
“I guarantee he feels the same.”
“He’s told me as much.”
“So be together, what’s the problem?”
That niggling doubt wouldn’t go away. “What if my family broke me too much? What if I can’t be fixed and rounded and…? It’s so much. Last week, I was barely thinking about this and now we’re… I want to be with him; I’m having his baby. He’s literally the father of my future.”
God, when she put it like that…
“Your family didn’t break you. They may have tried, but you walked away. At a young age too, that was how confident you were that you didn’t want the future your parents envisioned. You’re strong, Sequoia, don’t doubt yourself.”
“Would you take him back here? Breck?”
“That goes without saying.”
Yes, it did. Fired by the certainty of a man she respected so much, the possibilities began to align.
“This child will be a part of all of our lives.”
“Yes. A welcome addition.”
Not just a part of their lives, the little one would be spoiled as the first of the next generation.
“I need to talk to Breck.” In person. As soon as possible. She shifted to the edge of the seat and paused. “You’re going to tell Alice even if I ask you not to tell her, aren’t you?”
“I keep nothing from my wife,” he said. “But this is news better received from you and Breck.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek and murmured, “Just tell her soon.”
Because he wouldn’t want to keep anything from her, and maybe didn’t trust himself not to follow her example and blurt it out.
The first place she’d check was their apartment.
If Breck wasn’t there, she could at least change before tracking him down.
Where else would he be? Not Crimson without his brother there.
Darroch’s, maybe, or B House. At a job interview?
He could be literally anywhere and she didn’t want to call.
He’d worry if she sounded amped, and right then, she probably did.
One step at a time.