Page 16

How do you express love? How do you prefer to receive it?

Honestly, I’m a dramatic gesture kind of guy. Today will be evidence of that. As for receiving it, if it’s coming from Mia, I’ll take whatever she has to give, however she wants to give it. (And no, I’m not going into any detail about that. At all.) Now that I’ve gotten comfortable writing in this journal, I realize giving it to me was an expression of love from her, even if she might not have known it at the time. She turned around my thinking. And my heart. And my whole life, really. Because of that, I only want the best for her. I have the sense she won’t be truly happy without a purpose that feeds her soul.

A s soon as Xander got off the plane in Austin, he had a text from Freya.

Not that you want my advice, but if you mess things up with Mia, I will never forgive you. Dad told me everything.

Of course. His dad had never been good at keeping a secret.

Thanks for your input.

Not that I couldn’t figure it out after dinner at the house. And Silverstone. And The Daily Reflection.

Good job being perceptive.

I’m serious. You were different when you were home the last few times. You were nice again. We all love nice Xander.

I’ll do my best. Also, please tell me if I’m not being nice. Being in love shouldn’t be the only condition under which I behave.

In love???? (Dad didn’t mention that, but I had a feeling.)

Xander smiled at his phone. He knew there would be no denying it with Freya. She would dig and dig and dig until she got it out of him.

Yes. Don’t turn it into a whole thing.

It’s already a thing. For me at least.

Xander was about to tuck his phone into his pocket when he decided to check one thing. He scrolled down to his message chain with Mia and opened it. It wasn’t the first time he’d looked. He’d checked yesterday and he could’ve sworn he saw the three dots, but then they disappeared. Was she wanting to reach out? Trying to say something? He exited the message app and tucked his phone into his pocket. Despite the uncer tainty of what was ahead, he was closer to an answer on that front. And he had to prepare himself for anything.

He picked up a rental car and made a quick stop at his hotel to drop his bag so he could move on to his surprise. The thing was, Mia didn’t know he was coming into Austin today. She thought he was coming tomorrow . He was nearly back across the lobby when Isabel strolled in through the automatic doors.

She swiped off her sunglasses. “Xander. What are you doing here? I thought you were flying in tomorrow.”

“Change of plans.” He knew it was time to come fully clean about Mia. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

Isabel glanced at her phone, then shrugged. “Sure.”

The pair walked off to the far side of the lobby, where chairs sat partially obscured by a potted palm. “I’m here a day early because I’m going to see Mia. She’s doing a meet-up with her listeners. And a live broadcast of her podcast. I’m planning on surprising her.”

She tapped her folded sunglasses against her temple. “Do you think that’s a good idea? Are you taking security? You could get mobbed.”

Xander hadn’t thought about any of those things. “I have to show my support for what she does. And I have one of my disguises with me.” He pulled his trusty fake mustache out of his pocket.

“You’re Xander Bishop. No Formula One fan is going to be fooled by that.”

“I don’t know. It’s worked before. It might slow them down.”

Isabel sucked in a breath. “There’s really something between you two, isn’t there?”

It was Xander’s turn to take a cleansing breath, if only to steel himself. “I love her, Isabel.”

“Wow. That was fast.”

“Hey. Going fast is my specialty.”

Isabel clapped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations. Can I give you a little advice?”

“Always.”

“Don’t mess up or it’ll become a whole thing and make my life way harder.”

Between Freya and Isabel, the women in his life were certainly putting him on notice. “Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

“No. We would not.” Isabel’s phone beeped several times. “I have to go. The PR department has a briefing in a half hour.”

“Thank you, Isabel. For everything.” He hoped she knew he meant it.

“Of course.”

With that, Isabel made her departure. Xander took a beat, then strode out to the parking lot, hopped back in his car and put the destination—Arena Ale—into his phone. And as he pulled out of the hotel parking lot, he could do nothing but hope for the best.

Reflect on a past mistake. What did it teach you?

Well, past Mia, this prompt in the mental health journal might have been a mistake, but here goes. My biggest past mistake was not a one-time thing. It was something I did over and over and over again. I doubted myself. I second-guessed every little thing. All it taught me is that doing that is exhausting. It wasn’t until I was backed into a corner and got truly pissed off by other people’s expectations that I questioned why I kept doing that. (Questioning my own questioning…there’s a circular argument for you.) Anyway, today is the day I rip off the bandage and say my piece. If people hate me for it, they hate me for it. Of course, I say that now. I never do well when people don’t like me. But that might be what happens.

* * *

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Mia’s mom asked, looking around the room at Arena Ale. She was showing next-level mom skills by attending this event in which her daughter might end up humiliating herself. “Do you need me to greet your guests? I’m sure you’ll probably want some privacy before you do your recording. And I don’t know if you’re worried about someone saying something rude to you. That could be a concern.”

Yeah, Mia had thought about that, but today was about making apologies, setting her forward path and looking ahead.

“You know, it would be great if you could stand here and help me greet people, but I can’t promise you everyone will be nice. In fact, I think we can count on somebody not being nice.” Mia had no idea what to expect. She’d had so much hate and vitriol aimed at her online in the past few days, it was astounding.

“When you were little, I almost got permanently banned from your elementary school parking lot for confronting another parent about her son being mean to you.”

“I remember.”

“So we’ll do this together.”

Just then, the first people came through the door. They spotted Mia and moved toward her so quickly and decisively that Mia nearly dropped into a defensive pose.

“Hi, I’m Mia.”

The first person, a woman wearing a Xander T-shirt, held her arms wide. “Can I give you a hug? I’m so sorry for everything people have been saying about you. It’s all a bunch of bullshit.”

“Yeah,” the guy behind her said. “We weren’t planning to come to this, but after that tabloid story broke and Heather from the fan club made that statement, we knew we had to come and support you.”

Mia stood there in utter shock as more people funneled through the door. Many of them were familiar faces from the Monaco watch party, but many were not. None of that mattered when most notably everyone had a smile on their face. They were waiting patiently. Mia had expected torches, pitchforks and calls for her head. But no. That wasn’t what was happening. And having a solid start lifted Mia’s spirits in a way she hadn’t expected today.

“Wow. That’s so amazing. That means so much. Thank you.” With a flourish of her hand, Mia presented her mother. “This is my mom, Amy Neal. She’s one of my biggest supporters.”

No, that hadn’t been true for much of the history of Not So Fast , but it had been true for Mia’s life. And that was what mattered.

“Hello, everyone.” Her mom delivered a feverish wave to the crowd then quickly became distracted by a woman who’d cross-stitched a Not So Fast pillow. “Oh, my goodness. How adorable is that? Can you make one for me?”

Mia greeted her guests, noticing how she didn’t feel as overwhelmed as she had the first time. Although, that wasn’t entirely true. She was overwhelmed. With good feelings from genuine well-wishers. Xander should’ve been there. She would call him the instant the event was over, although he’d probably be somewhere over the Atlantic.

After a good twenty minutes of saying hello and deflecting questions about Xander, Mia had to get her show on the road or they’d be there forever. She used her old trick of climbing up on a chair and cupping her hands to shout. She still hadn’t learned how to perform one of those taxi-cab whistles.

“Hello, everyone! If you can take your seat, we’ll get started. I’m so thankful you’re here. If we haven’t had a chance to talk yet, there will be time afterward.”

“Is Xander coming to this?” someone in the crowd asked.

“Nope. Sorry. Hopefully, I’m enough.”

“You are!” a woman yelled in response.

As everyone found their table and the room filled up, Mia thought about how far she’d come. This roller coaster she’d put herself on had given her a lot of ups and downs, but she’d proved to herself that she was resilient. She could make it through the storm. And she was proud of herself for taking a breath and a step back when things became too much. The Mia of old would’ve squirreled away all her problems, gathered them in a pile and examined them under a microscope. The Mia of today couldn’t bring herself to focus that hard on the bad. She’d rather look ahead at the good.

She stepped to the front of the room and started her recorder, then turned on her microphone. She’d rehearsed this at home in her apartment many times, but she’d been so nervous, which was slightly hilarious since she’d been by herself. Now that she’d witnessed the outpouring of love and was looking out at this sea of friendly faces, she felt none of that. She only felt a strong conviction that what she was about to say was the right thing.

“Welcome, everyone, for this special episode of Not So Fast . I want to thank everyone for coming today, and for those of you who couldn’t be here, listening at home, I thank you, too. I want you all to know I appreciate your support and I also appreciate your criticism. My listeners are the entire reason I do the podcast, so I listen to everything everyone has to say.”

“We love you, Mia!” someone in the room yelled.

“Thank you. That’s so sweet. I love you all, too.” Mia started to tear up. She hadn’t realized how badly she’d needed to hear that. Call her human or imperfect, it meant a lot to feel appreciated. “I have to be honest. I have always been a quitter. Just ask my mom.” Mia pointed to her mother, who looked around then offered a thin smile that seemed to ask, Mia, honey, what in the hell are you doing? “Amy Neal, everyone.”

The crowd gathered offered a hearty round of applause while her mom stood and waved. It was adorable and slightly nerdy, which Mia had the utmost appreciation for.

“Be sure to say hi to her before you leave today,” Mia said into the microphone. “Now, as I was saying, I’ve always been a quitter. I’ve quit more jobs than most people will ever start. I’ve spent my whole life looking for something better, but I can admit there were usually one of two factors in place when I set something aside and moved on to something new. I was either bored, or it became difficult. In the last few days, Not So Fast has become difficult. And I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about quitting.”

No! Don’t do that!

We don’t want you to quit!

Mia held up a hand. “Thank you. Spoiler alert, I’m not going to quit.” It felt good to say that out loud and not keep everyone in suspense. “But I do want to tell you all what hap pened. From the very beginning of Not So Fast , I prided myself on being fully transparent and brutally honest. Granted, when I first started there was very little for me to be transparent about, but that was my approach. And that’s part of where I went wrong when things began to get complicated.”

She sucked in a deep breath, thinking about how dramatically things had changed since she’d embarked on this journey, but in many ways, talking to her listeners felt like a full-circle moment. She’d put a lot of miles under her, and a lot of things had changed, but her desire to speak honestly to her fans was still front and center.

“I never expected to meet Xander Bishop and I certainly never expected that he and I would become romantically involved. Believe me, I was just as surprised as all of you.” The audience laughed, making Mia smile. “But I think Xander and I recognized something in each other that we both needed. Xander needed someone to really see and appreciate his struggles. And honestly, I needed that, too. So when I started going easier on him, it wasn’t a conspiracy. It was me genuinely seeing exactly how hard he was working and how it had been a little too easy for me to stand at a distance and criticize him. But it’s a very different thing to get invested in someone, to stand by their side and to help them. So, it was never something that either of us planned. It just happened. And I suppose that’s the best way to fall in love, isn’t it?”

A rumble of voices broke out across the room. Mia realized she’d said the L-word.

“That’s true. I love Xander. And he loves me. And yes, he’s a public person and I somehow ended up becoming one, too. But I deserve happiness just like every other person in this room deserves happiness. And if anyone wants to get mad at me for falling in love with Xander Bishop, then I suppose they’d just better go ahead and get mad.”

* * *

Xander held his breath, his heart swelling as he stood in the back of the bar and listened to Mia’s words. He’d already known she loved him, but hearing her say it out loud, in front of a room full of people and to all of her listeners… She’d shouted it from the digital rooftops. And after they’d both invested so much energy into keeping it a secret, it was a huge relief to have it out there in the world on their own terms.

He was so in awe of Mia, and not just for the things she was saying, but for the fact that they’d managed to find each other. There were millions of people in the world…millions of chances to get it wrong. But somehow, he’d gotten this part right. And there she was, in front of the people whose opinion she most cared about, professing her love for him.

Could he be any luckier? He didn’t think so.

* * *

Mia froze when she spotted the suspiciously tall guy at the back of the room. He was not one of the people she’d greeted earlier. She knew that frame and head of hair anywhere. Xander. Where in the hell had he come from? He wasn’t supposed to arrive in Austin until tomorrow. Either he’d remembered she was having this meet-up or he’d listened to the last episode of the podcast. Either way, it meant so much to her to know that he’d change his plans to be on hand for this pivotal moment. And it was no small thing that he’d been willing to brave a packed room of Formula One fans to see her. Even better and slightly more hilarious…that he’d worn a disguise.

“Hey, can I tell you all a little secret about Xander Bishop?” she asked the crowd.

“Yes!” they replied in chorus.

“He sometimes wears a fake mustache when he doesn’t want fans to spot him.”

* * *

Busted.

Xander was so freaking busted.

And he did not care that Mia had effectively neutralized his ability to ever wear a fake mustache again. He started for the front of the room, his eyes trained on Mia. On either side of him, people started to mumble, then talk, and that wave of awareness spread across the room as everyone turned to stare at him. Every last one of them.

But he didn’t care. All he wanted was Mia.

* * *

Mia laughed when Xander tore off his fake mustache and winced slightly. God, it had to have hurt. She shielded the microphone with her hand as he walked right up to her.

“We’re still recording,” she said. “Do you want to let me sign off before we talk?”

“I love you so much, Mia. And the last few days without you have been murder. So, no, I don’t want you to sign off. I want you to kiss me.”

The crowd erupted in a chant. “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Mia was certain her face was one thousand shades of crimson.

Xander cupped her elbow with his hand, looking down at her with his hypnotic blue eyes. “Come on, Mia. You’ve got to give your fans what they want.”

Mia’s heart felt like it might burst out of her chest. She dropped the microphone on the floor. It made a terrible screech. She did not care. All she cared about was Xander. He was the only thing she could think about. He wrapped her up in his arms and she did the same and they fell into a kiss that felt limitless. Like it had no boundaries, no beginning and no end. It was the kiss she’d always wanted, with the guy who might not be perfect but who was perfect for her.

Xander pulled his lips back slightly, leaving a whisper of a space between them. “Is it weird that we’re kissing and everyone is cheering us on?”

“I’d say it’s weirder that this is how you’re meeting my mom.”

“Oh. Blimey. She’s here. You introduced her, didn’t you?” he asked with every bit of panic the question deserved.

Mia nodded, their lips still so close. “I did. She’s in the front row.”

“I suppose I have some explaining to do.”

“It’s okay. It’s a long weekend. You’ll have plenty of opportunity.” She then remembered she was still recording. Oops. She broke free from Xander’s embrace and grabbed the microphone. “Due to the unexpected arrival of Xander Bishop, this is the end of this extremely haphazard episode of Not So Fast . Thank you for listening. If anyone wants a selfie and an autograph from Xander, start forming a line.”

The room erupted in chaos, but Xander rushed right over to Mia’s mom. “Mrs. Neal, I presume?”

She smiled wider than Mia had ever seen her smile. Hell, Mia hadn’t realized her mom had that many teeth. Four words from Xander and she was already smitten.

“You presume correct. Now can we take a photo together?”

Xander turned to Mia. “Can you do the honors?”

“For you and my mom? Anything.” Mia snapped the picture, which was flat-out adorable. Mia would need to blow it up and frame it and hang it in her apartment. But she realized there was something else she wanted to tell Xander.

“Hold up, everyone. I just need one more second with Xander.” She pulled him aside. “I just need you to know. I don’t just love you, Xander. I love love you.”

He unleashed his soul-melting grin. “Good. I love love you, too.”

“Like I don’t ever want to say goodbye unless it’s for a very short, predetermined time, and even then it needs to be a real goodbye with kissing and nakedness and sweating.”

“I’m all for sweating it out with you, Mia. And I just assume this means you’re coming with me to the rest of this season’s races?”

“I can record some pretty epic episodes of my podcast.”

“Yes, you can.” His eyes narrowed. “By the way, did you try to send me a text after you left England?”

“I did send you a text. I know I cheated. But wait. You looked?”

He shook his head. “Yes, I looked, but I did not get a text from you.”

“Hold on. That’s not right.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and scrolled down through her messages. “Dammit. I forgot to hit Send again.”

“Of course. Trying to torture me.”

She sent the message. Seconds later, Xander’s phone beeped and he looked at it, then he winked at her. “Good. We’re on the same page.”

Mia smiled. She felt as light as air. “Definitely the same page.”