Page 12
Story: Not So Fast
What are three things you are exceptionally good at? How can you use these strengths in your daily life?
LOL. The answer should be fairly obvious—overthinking, asking questions and I’d like to think I’m very good at listening. Although if Xander were asked this question, he might say I’m exceptionally good at sucking his cock. As for how I can use those strengths in my daily life, I already do. For example, all I can do right now is ask myself what’s next. Xander and I had a lovely time in Austria and no one figured out we were together. He had a great race and I just recorded a killer episode of Not So Fast. But now what? I have to go home at some point, right? I have to go back to my real life.
“Y ou are not going to believe this, but the media gave Florian and Emma a couple nickname,” Mia announced as she walked into Xander’s living room. “Spoiler alert, it’s atrocious.”
He was sprawled out on the couch, reading. He placed his book on his chest and looked up at her. She marveled at how normal this all had become, the two of them occupying the same space. Somehow it felt real and unreal , all at the same time.
“Don’t tell me.”
“Flemma. Florian and Emma equals Flemma. How terrible is that?”
He sat up. “Wow. That’s about as bad as it could possibly be. God forbid the media treat them like normal people by referring to them as individuals.”
“All famous couples must have their names merged. It’s like a rule.” Mia inched closer to Xander. “So, I’m mystified by British laundry detergent. What’s the difference between Persil and Fairy? I’ll be honest. Fairy sounds way cooler. That’s definitely the direction I’m leaning, but I’m not sure and I’m about to start my laundry.”
“Hold on. I have a few things to go in as well.” He hopped up from the sofa.
“You want to mix our stuff together?” She followed him, noticing how her body registered mild panic.
“We’ve mixed everything else, why not this?” Xander grabbed a canvas drawstring bag he’d had at the motorhome, then began tossing in his dirty clothes, willy-nilly.
Mia peered into the washing machine drum. There was the evidence—his clothes with her clothes, all mixed together. Her underwear. His. Her dirty socks. His slightly smelly dirty socks.
“I’ve never had this level of intimacy with a man before.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And it’s kind of freaking me out.”
“Why?”
“Because this is not normal.”
“This is the definition of normal. It is literally the most normal thing two people could do.” Decisively, Xander put a cup of detergent into the dispenser, closed it, then very reasonably selected a cold-water cycle and pressed start. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, so just tell me what you’re thinking.”
Oh, no. She was not ready for this. It was happening way too fast, and she had this feeling that if she got honest, she might blow up part of her life. This part, to be exact. The part with Xander in it. The unbelievable fairy tale had to end at some point, right?
“That was the whole point of the mental health journal. You write down your feelings so you can process them and honor them and then you don’t have to say them out loud.”
“ That was the point?” Xander cocked his head to one side, his eyes narrowing with deep suspicion. “Mia. Come on. You’re the one who’s always saying whatever the hell comes to mind without thinking about it.”
One million thoughts swam through her mind. They were like ravenous fish in an aquarium at feeding time, making the water churn and bubble.
“What are we doing, Xander? I thought I was just going to fly to England for a few days, we were going to have sex a couple times and then you’d send me on my way to live out my days with some lovely erotic memories of you.”
“Send you on your way? Does that honestly sound like something I would do?”
“I didn’t know you very well then.” Mia looked down at the floor, noticing how tiny her feet were compared to his. “So, no. It doesn’t now.”
Xander placed a single finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. “I’m not good at planning. So I didn’t have some grand scheme in mind when I asked you to come here. But I’m enjoying our time together greatly. That’s why I keep extending it. And I’m thankful you’ve been able to stay.”
Mia’s heart zipped around in her chest at lightning speed. Like an electrified ping-pong ball. “I’m not good at this. With the laundry, and meeting your parents, and the saying of important things out loud.”
“You’re the one who asked what we were doing.”
“And I regret that now.”
“But you still want to know.”
She blew out a breath between pursed lips. “I do.”
“I think you’re searching for certainty. That’s understandable.”
Mia narrowed her stare at him. “That sounds like something I would say. What is even happening right now?”
“Laundry, Mia. Laundry is happening. And for the record, if you want a declaration, I like you. A lot. Probably more than any other human I know. At the moment.”
Whoa. Mia’s head was swimming. “I like you, too. A lot.”
“Probably more than any other human?”
She felt a little weird about that part. Jasmine was her best friend. But the reality was that she and Xander were sharing everything right now, even space in the washing machine.
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s great. Then we’re on the same page.” He put his arm around her shoulder. “Now, fair warning, in a little bit, we will move our laundry into the dryer. Also together. And tonight, we will go to dinner with my family. And somewhere in there, I hope to take off every stitch of your clothes and properly thank you for making me feel better after I had my post-race pity party.”
“Sixth place is nothing to sneeze at,” she said, the tension in her body ebbing as their familiar dynamic returned.
She was fine . This was fine. Meeting Xander’s family was not a reason to overthink herself into a black hole. And she wouldn’t repeat past mistakes, either. No more blowing up her life. She wanted what she had right now. She was thankful for every minute. She needed to take several deep breaths. And let Xander make her come.
* * *
Mia was grateful for her clean clothes as she and Xander walked up to his parents’ house, but her mind still chewed hard on their conversation in the laundry room. Xander was right—she’d always been the one who’d say anything, but that was far easier when she was talking about the other person. When it came to what she was really feeling? Much harder. That was so deeply filed away in her brain that getting it out seemed hard. If things became more serious between her and Xander, she would need to get better at that. But the whole idea of serious made her want to roll up into a tiny ball. She’d never had a broken heart, but it was widely regarded as the worst possible thing someone could have. A broken heart as a result of Xander Bishop? Surely it was at least twice as bad.
“Hello! I’m home,” Xander called when they stepped into the foyer of his parents’ house. It was lovely and cozy with wide wood-plank floors and a buttery color on the walls. The heavenly aromas of a home-cooked meal filtered through the air. “You can leave your shoes here.” Xander toed off his sneakers. Dressed in a light blue dress shirt and dark jeans, he was the picture of perfection. Mia couldn’t have been any more smitten if she tried.
A young man Mia recognized from Xander’s family photos as his brother came down the stairs. “Freya’s on her way in a minute,” Oscar said. “She’s primping. She’s very excited to meet you, Mia.” He extended his hand to shake hers. “I am, too, but you’d think the bloody prime minister was coming over.”
Mia laughed quietly. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Mia Neal!” a young woman’s voice called from the landing above. “I can’t believe you are in our house right now. Pinch me!” In a flurry, she ran down the stairs and flung her arms around Mia, squeezing tight. And to think Mia had been worried Xander’s family might not like her.
“Mia, my brother Oscar is the calm one and my sister Freya is the one accosting you. I apologize,” Xander said.
Freya released her hold and stood back, dressed in all black, with bright pink cheeks and a radiant smile. “You know, when I first heard your podcast, I thought you were a bitch. I mean, a cool bitch who I totally wanted to be best friends with. I just couldn’t stop listening, even when you were saying saucy things about this guy.” She gestured to Xander with a nod.
Mia cringed and lightly slapped her forehead. “That will haunt me forever.”
“But it kept people listening. I loved the episode you uploaded today. It was great.”
Mia relished the positive feedback, especially since things had gone a bit sideways after she’d done that interview with Claudia.
“It was a bit rushed. Probably not my best. But I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Of course, as soon as I found out you and my brother were involved—” Freya put air quotes around involved “—I went back and listened to the episodes about Miami and later and I can tell exactly when you first met, when you met the second time and then I guess I can tell when—”
“That’s enough, Freya,” Xander interjected. “Thank you very much. I’m sure Mia doesn’t need to hear the entire history of her podcast. Now, where are Mum and Dad?”
“They’re upstairs. Dad’s helping Mum get dressed. She wanted to put on something nice to meet Mia.”
“Bad day?”
“She didn’t sleep well last night. Her legs were bothering her.”
Oscar turned to Mia. “Our mum has MS.”
“Xander mentioned that. I’m so sorry.” Mia was struggling to keep up—clearly Xander had told his family about her since Oscar knew who she was without an introduction and Freya had taken to conducting a forensic investigation about Not So Fast .
“Probably not a good time to talk to Dad about your house, Oscar,” Xander said.
Oscar grumbled. “No big surprise there. It’s on perpetual delay.”
“Dad’s focused on caring for Mum. You’ve got to be patient,” Freya added.
“I’ll find a time, O. I promise.” Xander’s voice carried a familiar tone of stress and strain. Clearly, his family meant a lot to him, but Mia knew from experience there was a price for that closeness.
“Oscar just wants a place to shag his girlfriend in peace,” Freya said.
“I love her, Freya. But thanks for saying that in front of Xan’s girlfriend,” Oscar countered.
Freya shrugged. “I just want her to feel like she’s part of the family. Now, let’s get dinner out of the oven.” She flitted off toward the back of the house with Oscar in her wake.
Xander looked at Mia with kind eyes. “I’m sorry. I know that was a lot.”
“No. No. It’s okay. She seems awesome. They’re both great.”
“Thank you for tonight. It didn’t seem right that you’d spend all this time with me and not meet them.” He reached down and took Mia’s hand, wrapping her fingers in his. She realized this was the first time he’d ever done that while they were in the presence of other people. He even squeezed it a little tighter as they stepped into the kitchen. And he didn’t let go.
“Mia, are you going to be at Silverstone?” Freya asked as she set water glasses on the table.
Mia slid a glance in Xander’s direction. He was busy opening a bottle of wine.
“Uh, yes. Your brother invited me just after Austria.”
“That is so awesome. I’ll be there. I hope we get to see Florian and Emma together. She’s so amazing.”
“Freya’s obsessed with Flemma. Because of course she is,” Oscar said. “I’ll be at the race, too. Not sure about our parents. Mum gets so nervous. It’s hard for her to watch.”
Freya clapped Xander on the back. “We’re super excited, though. You’ve been doing so much better lately. Hopefully, you’ll have a cracking race. Maybe a podium?”
“Maybe a win?” Oscar added.
“Could you imagine a win at the race we’ve all been going to since we were kids? Your home Grand Prix? How amazing would that be?” The hope in Freya’s voice was unmistakable.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Xander said, his tone strained. He handed Mia a glass of red wine and clinked his glass with hers. “A lot could happen next weekend.”
Mia could see how excitement on the part of Xander’s family could be both lovely and read as nothing but pressure and expectations. It made her think of the way she felt when her mom tried to point her in new and different directions. Maybe her mom hadn’t been suggesting those things to be critical. Maybe Mia was the one being too hard on her mom.
“No matter what happens, we’ll all be there to cheer you on, Xander,” Mia said.
Edward and Audrey soon appeared from upstairs. Audrey, warm and cordial, had put on bright red lipstick and a pretty floral dress that nearly skimmed the floor. And Edward? Well, he was the spitting image of Xander and wearing almost exactly the same thing. He had a similar quiet intensity, too. Mia felt like she was seeing a sneak preview of what Xander would look like in twenty-five years and she had to wonder, would she and Xander still know each other then? Or was he only meant to be a single heavenly chapter of her life?
The thought of him walking the earth and her not calling him or talking to him made her chest ache. It made her eyes sting. She wasn’t sure what she would do without his support. His friendship. He’d carved out a sizable space in her life that would be impossible to fill. And the mere thought of the emptiness that would be left behind? She didn’t dare try to imagine it. It was too sad.
A bottle of wine was opened and after a cursory chat about life as a podcaster in Austin, Texas, they all sat down to eat at the long rustic wood table in the great room. Mia was struck by one thing as they began passing platters of roast beef, potatoes and roasted carrots, as well as Yorkshire pudding—this reminded her of holiday meals with her mom.
The first few years after Mia’s dad left, her aunt Judy would drive over from San Antonio and the three would celebrate together. On Christmas Eve, her aunt would stay over and sleep on the couch. The sisters would drink a bit too much eggnog, play music and dance around while they prepared dinner. In the morning, Mia would eagerly tear open presents while Judy and Amy sat together, nursing hot cups of coffee, and patiently listening to Mia explain the awesomeness of every gift she received. Those were some of Mia’s best memories. But then the sisters became estranged and it was only Mia and her mom after that. That was the way it was now, and it was still nice, but it wasn’t what it could be.
Sitting in this lovely room with the Bishops, a family who so clearly loved each other, Mia realized that as soon as she returned home, she needed to force the issue between her mom and aunt. Find a way to get them to talk. She missed this family feeling. She knew she had a family, but she longed for the special occasions when they felt connected. Mia’s gut told her that despite the way her mom had acted the morning of the Monaco watch party, her mom missed it, too.
With several glasses of wine in her, Mia finally felt comfortable enough to inject herself into the conversation. “I’d really love to hear about Xander as a kid. Especially when he was in his karting days.”
Xander’s parents looked at each other and smiled, then his mom wiped her mouth and put down the napkin. “You wouldn’t believe it now since he’s so tall, but Xander was ac tually quite small when he was young. He started karting when he was seven—”
“Six,” his dad corrected her.
“You’re right.” His mom nodded. “He was six.”
“And he was so short his feet couldn’t reach the pedals. Of course, modifying a go-kart is an expensive proposition. I think I worked overtime for more than a month to pay for it.”
Xander reached for Mia’s hand under the table, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.
“You have to understand,” his mom said, leaning forward and making eye contact with Mia. “Xander loved it so much. Driving was all he talked about. All he wanted to do. The walls of his room were plastered with photos of Formula One drivers. That was always his goal. We couldn’t bring ourselves to say no. So we did everything we could to make it happen, even though we knew it was an incredible long shot. That’s how we ended up where we are today. We couldn’t be any more proud.”
“He beat the odds simply by getting into the sport,” his dad added.
“It really is so impressive.” Mia glanced at Xander and he squeezed her hand under the table.
“It’s not enough to defy those odds,” Xander said. “I want more. I want to be world champion. I won’t be satisfied until I am.”
“There it is. Always the competitor,” his dad said.
“Mum forgot to mention all the weekends Freya and I got dragged to hundreds of races. It was not fun. We hated it so much. Sitting in the stands, freezing our bollocks,” Oscar said.
“Of course, we love going to the big races now, when we can. We love that VIP treatment. You must love that, too, Mia,” Freya added.
“Oh, sure,” Mia said, even though aside from many trips to the paddock club, she hadn’t really had the full VIP treatment. She’d never gone into the garage to give Xander a good-luck kiss. She’d never walked through the paddock with him, holding hands.
* * *
“Let’s not talk about me anymore,” Xander said. “Let’s talk about anything else. Please.”
Xander did a lot of listening as his parents asked Mia dozens of questions and she dutifully answered them over dinner, two bottles of wine and a sticky toffee pudding Xander would need to work off before Silverstone but was still worth every bite. Over the course of the conversation, he learned more about Mia’s various careers, but by and large, it was mostly things she’d already told him. He wasn’t there for the details, he was there to soak up the warm rapport between Mia and his family, especially between her and his mum. That was no small thing. He loved his family to the ends of the earth, but they could be loud and unfiltered. He’d had several girlfriends who found his family unpalatable. But not Mia. She seemed right at home.
“Thank you for tonight,” Xander said as they rode back to his house in the Jeep.
He glanced at Mia, seeing her only in profile as she looked straight ahead. Her lovely dark hair framed her face so perfectly in the soft light of evening. She was a vision he might never get out of his head.
“I’m the one who should be thanking you. It was amazing. So much fun.” She turned to him as he pulled into the garage and killed the engine. “Do you remember that night in the park in Monza when I asked how you deal with the pressure of F1?”
“I think I told you I just deal with it. I don’t have a choice.” He climbed out of the car, as did Mia. “It’s part of the sport. It will always be there.”
Mia was at his side as they walked into the house. “I think the real pressure comes from your family. And I don’t say that as a bad thing. It’s sweet. Not all pressure is bad. Pressure can be good. It pushes us to do better. And this is the best kind. It’s from not wanting to disappoint the ones you love most.”
He came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, needing a moment to wrap his head around what she’d just said.
Of course he’d spent many sleepless nights worrying about letting down his family. He didn’t want their sacrifices to have been for nothing. But he’d never thought of it as pressure, even though he’d felt it. Internalized it. Kept it close to his heart. Having Mia see it, give it a name and acknowledge it, created a monumental shift inside him. It was like having a weight lifted. Or seeing the sun come up for the first time.
“Mia, that is quite a remarkable thing you just said to me.”
“Just spitballing.”
She started up the stairs, but she stopped and turned back when he reached for her hand. Funny, but with her two steps higher, he could finally look her directly in the eye. The only problem was the distance between them.
“How do you see so much in other people, and you don’t see yourself?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You dismiss your achievements. You play off the nice things people say about you and your work. You did that with Freya tonight. Even yesterday when I tried to congratulate you about your interview with Claudia, you focused on the bad things people were saying.” He took one step up and reached for her hair, the back of his hand brushing her temple. “I just want you to be as generous with yourself as you are with everyone else.”
“Aren’t we all nicer to other people than we are to ourselves?”
“Probably. But I think you take it to a new level.”
She nodded slowly. “You know, no one has ever referred to what I do as my work. You take it seriously, don’t you?”
“I’ve seen how hard you work, Mia. And I do take it seriously. You make people happy. And I will always love what you do because it brought you to me.”
She sighed with a sweet smile on her face. “That’s the real bonus, isn’t it?”
“You’re the real bonus. You are the kindest and most insightful person I have ever met. And you’ve made my life better. You’ve helped me get out of my own head and enjoy life. That’s why I’ve thought of every reason under the sun to keep you from getting on a plane and flying home.”
Mia dropped down a step and leaned into him. “You’re practically keeping me captive.”
He cupped the side of her head, dragging his hand down until he could slip his thumb under her chin. He wanted her in a way he couldn’t describe. He only knew that the need resided in every atom of his being, right alongside his desire to win.
“I only do that selfishly.”
“It’s okay to be selfish.”
“Good. I want to be selfish with you right now.”
He claimed her lips with an open mouth, and she practically melted into him, bowing her back and pressing her breasts against his chest. Everything in his body went tight and hot as she unbuttoned his shirt, spread her hands across his bare chest and caressed his skin, flicking at his nipples with her fingertips. Despite the tension in his body, the way his cock expressed urgency with a rush of heat, he wanted to take his time with her. Perhaps that unexpected sliver of patience came from knowing what he wanted—Mia—and knowing she was in this house and they had all night.
She pushed his shirt from his shoulders and he reached for the hem of her top, lifting it over her head and casting it aside on the stairs. He pulled down her bra straps and his fingers scrambled for the back clasp, then he had her breasts in his hands, cupping them while he felt her velvety skin against his palms. He flicked his tongue against her nipples… There was no way to describe the way he felt when she made that noise.
He wrapped one arm around her torso and used the other to sweep under her legs and picked her up exactly as he had the first day she’d been there. That time had been out of expediency, but this time he hoped to tell her something that wasn’t easy to say with words.
She’d shifted his thinking away from his faults. She’d made a massive impact on his life—she was his friend, but she had become his partner, too. In all things—joy and work and family and even laundry. The effect Mia had on him was starting to feel seismic.
“You’re doing that romance hero thing again,” she muttered into his neck as he carried her up the stairs.
It was true. He was trying to romance her, which was no easy task. This was the push and pull of his relationship with Mia—he wanted her to understand that however much he’d tried to keep things casual, he took it all very seriously. It was his nature, and she made him be true to himself. She’d wanted to take things slow and he’d done everything he could to abide by her rules. But at some point, she would have to decide if she was going to give in to her feelings the way he was giving in to his.
He set her down on his bed and immediately dispatched his pants and boxers, dropping them to the floor, while she wriggled out of her jeans. As he stood before her, blue light from the moon filtering into his room, he bared more than his body. Mia had always seen him, the man, for who he was, not simply for what he was, like much of the world did.
“I think you should do that thing I love. Our thing.” Mia wiggled against the sheets, telegraphing her impatience.
“This?” he asked, fulfilling her request by taking his cock in his hand and stroking it hard.
She nodded. “So fucking hot.”
You’re so fucking hot by just merely existing.
Watching her watching him put him in a most primal headspace. He needed to be inside her now . He stepped to the other side of the bed and opened the bedside-table drawer. Mia rolled over and smoothed her hand over his ass, sending waves of anticipation along his spine as he struggled with the carton of condoms.
He sat on the edge of the bed and handed her the foil package. Mia raised one eyebrow and tore it open. He stretched out beside her, wanting to watch her put it on, but his eyes clamped shut the instant she touched him. That was the effect she had on him. It was like magic.
She played with him, drawing her finger up and down his stomach along the midline. He lifted his head and watched as she eyed his body, her lustrous hair tumbling over her shoul ders. As the light changed in the room, it struck him that no one else could make him feel like this. It would never happen again.
He rolled to his side and kissed her, slipping his thumb into the waistband of her panties and tugging them down, but the angles were all wrong and eventually she had to shift to her back and wriggle them down herself. Then she let her knees fall open in invitation. His heart seized in his chest. He sank into her slowly, closing his eyes, feeling every inch of her as he went.
He’d spent nearly his entire life wishing and longing for certain things, mostly his driving career, but he’d never bothered to worry about love. It was always sex and it had never meant much. Not until he met Mia.
He opened his eyes to see her looking back at him, her eyes dark with want. She licked her lips and locked her legs behind him, digging her heels into his ass and her nails into his back. She kissed him into oblivion and he countered every motion of her lips and tongue, a never-ending conversation between them that was both physical and mental.
“You feel so amazing,” she murmured into his neck.
He found it hard to respond, mostly because he was smiling in the dark. “You feel like heaven,” he said.
“You say the corniest things sometimes.”
He laughed quietly. “Only you would criticize me while I’m fucking you.”
“Hey. Hey.” She flattened her hands on both sides of his face. “It’s not criticism. I love that you say sappy, nerdy things. I do.”
She lifted her head and kissed him, gathering around him, her body pulling him in even farther as they continued to move in the rhythm they’d found. He steadied himself and focused on her as the tension in his hips built with every thrust and her sexy, begging noises told him she was close. So close. So very, very close. He could hear it in her breath. Feel it in her pull. Her hips and back rose, her head knocked forward and then fell back as she called out.
Her body clutched his, pushing him to the brink, electricity buzzing through his belly and thighs. Mia opened her eyes and raised both arms above her head, granting him an up-close view of her full and perfect breasts. She used the headboard as leverage, pushing back and bucking against him. He was a strong guy but she met him with surprising force. Heat spiked in his thighs. Every muscle pulled tight. And then the boil rolled over, pulsing out of him in steady beats. He struggled for breath, then he buckled under the weight of the release, his arms rubbery as he struggled to keep his head in the here and now. Mia pulled him close when he collapsed, digging her hands into his hair and kissing his neck while he caught his breath.
“Wow,” was all he could manage as he rolled to his back, mostly because he had a little too much going through his head.
When had he fallen for Mia? He wasn’t quite sure. He supposed it was inch by inch and then it was all at once.
“I agree. That was definitely a wow.” She settled next to him on her side, resting her head on his shoulder and smoothing her hand over his stomach.
He lazily dragged his hand up and down along the curve of her spine. “Thank you again for tonight. It meant a lot to me. To see you with my family.”
“They’re so awesome. I had the best time.”
“I hope to meet your family. I mean, your mom. When I come to Austin. We should plan a dinner.”
Mia popped up onto her elbow. “Do you have time for that? You’re always so busy during a race weekend.”
“I’ll make time.”
“Really?”
Xander sat up and turned to her. “Yes. Mia. I want to be part of your world, just like you have become part of mine. That includes meeting your mom. If you’re okay with it.”
“Of course I’m okay with it. I just…” She looked off and he could tell those gears in her head were turning.
“Look at me.” He redirected her vision to him. “This is not a big deal. We’re talking about a meal with you and me and your mom.”
“Okay.” She nodded, but didn’t seem convinced. He hoped like hell that her attitude about this was more about her need to take things slowly and not about him.
“How do you want to handle Silverstone? Do we go on pretending we aren’t together? Because something about that doesn’t feel right.” He’d already brought up one uncomfortable subject. Might as well tackle another.
Mia exhaled. “I still think we’re asking for trouble if we let people know we’re a couple. I’m not ready for that heat from my listeners. You’d have Isabel to answer to. And everyone else will likely lose their collective minds. I don’t think we’d get the same attention as Florian and Emma, but more people know who I am now. I did that interview with Claudia. My subscriber numbers keep climbing.”
Secrecy and sneaking around weren’t part of what Xan der wanted with Mia, but once again, it felt like the prudent thing to follow her lead.
“Lord knows we wouldn’t want to end up as Xandia.”
“Or worse, Miander.”