Page 10 of New Year (Reconstruction #3)

CHAPTER EIGHT

Warmth, comfort and gentleness surrounded him like a wool blanket, cozy and embracing, and Nat lost himself in it. He did his best to snuggle closer, to find the source of the warmth, while clinging to the comfort of his gentle dreams. Occasionally, he floated toward consciousness, out of the depths of drunken sleep, and he fought against waking. He wanted to sleep, to exist in a stupor for as long as possible.

But his body craved contact. It craved closeness and heat and friction, and so many other things. More than anything else, it craved safety.

Safety was snoring nearby, and Nat slid his hand outward, seeking. His fingers bumped something solid, protected by a sheet. His desire to remain in his half-asleep state warred with his desire to be comforted. To slide over to that solid, safe body and snuggle up close.

With Zack.

That snapped him into full wakefulness, and he blinked at the side of Zack’s bedroom dresser. Bedroom. Bed. Why was he in Zack’s bed? His mouth was sticky, his stomach sloshy. He’d had a lot to drink last night. It had felt amazing to feel safe enough to let go and have fun. Get wasted knowing the person he was with would take care of him.

He still clenched out of habit, and that motion clued him in to the fact that he was still fully dressed beneath the covers. Zack hadn’t even taken off his jeans before putting him to bed, which was stupidly uncomfortable now that he was aware of it. And hot. Too hot. Nat rolled onto his back and shoved the covers down to his waist. Or tried to, but the covers were catching near his elbow.

The snoring stopped. Nat turned his head to the side. Zack was smiling at him from the other pillow, and Nat figured out the cover problem immediately. Zack was sleeping on top of the comforter, rather than under it with Nat. The absolute perfect gentleman-ness of that gesture sent a wave of affection through Nat. Nat had been vulnerable last night. He didn’t remember a lot of the night after they’d started dancing. Anything could have happened.

But here he was, safe and sound.

“Good morning,” Zack said, his soft voice like a balm to Nat’s somewhat hungover state.

“Morning. I’m in your bed.”

“Glad you noticed. You were pretty loopy when we got home last night, and the sofa wasn’t pulled out. Planting you here felt…right.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember coming home. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten so drunk.”

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself.” Zack’s lips twitched in the corners in a way that was almost shy. “I’m glad we went, and that I could help you unwind. Drink the pain away, so to speak.”

“Trouble with drinking the pain away is that it’s still waiting in the morning when the alcohol wears off.” But at least his pain was emotional (and slightly alcohol-related) rather than the battered-body kind. “You didn’t have to sleep on top of the covers.”

“Yes, I did. I didn’t want to assume what you’d be okay with, and I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings of what happened while you were blacked out.”

“Thank you.” Nat sat up slowly, so he didn’t upset his tender stomach, and pulled his legs out from under the covers. “I really mean it, Zack, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Zack pushed off the blanket he’d slept under and sat up, too. His eyes were so soft, full of tenderness. Maybe even desire?

Nat’s heart fluttered. No one in his life had ever looked at Nat like that, as if they truly saw Nat, for all his flaws and failings, and still wanted him. How is he a real person? How is this my life?

Zack’s gaze dropped briefly, definitely to Nat’s mouth. Nat licked his lips, overcome by the need to feel Zack’s lips against his. To investigate Zack’s mouth and taste him. To get another of Zack’s amazing, full hugs. But he was terrified of fucking this all up.

He also knew Zack wouldn’t make the first move.

Zack’s phone rang, startling them both out of the moment. Nat dropped his gaze to his lap, while Zack reached for his phone on the bedside table. “Hey, Chase…no, I was already waking up.”

Nat cast about for his own phone and spotted it on his side table, on the charger. A charger he kept in the living room, since that’s where he slept. The absolute kindness of making sure Nat’s phone was both nearby and charged…belly wiggles. Butterflies. All kinds of tender feelings for the older man who was going out of his way to be a kind human being.

His bladder gave an angry kick, reminding Nat of everything he’d drank last night. He slid off the bed and went into the bathroom, as much to do his business and brush his teeth, as to give Zack privacy for the call. Nat wasn’t supposed to work for Chase today, so he didn’t have to rush to get ready.

The bedroom was empty when Nat emerged. His clean clothes were in the living room, neatly folded in a cheap plastic bin he’d bought at a thrift store. His wardrobe had slowly expanded beyond the capacity of his backpack, and he didn’t want to clutter up Zack’s apartment.

Zack was in the kitchen making coffee.

“Is Chase okay?” Nat asked.

“Yeah, he was checking in, asking how last night went.” Zack poured the carafe of water into the machine. “I told him we both had a great time, zero drama.”

“Okay. I wish I remembered more of my great time, but I guess the fact that I don’t really remember means I did have fun.”

“You did. A few times, you started having a little too much fun, and I stepped in. You were in no position to make decisions about people getting handsy.”

Nat’s heart turned over hard. “You protected me.”

Zack finished with the coffee pot, then turned and leaned his elbows against the counter, hunching a bit. “Yes, I did. And I’d do it again. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but you’ve become someone important to me, Nat. I protect the people I care about. When they let me.”

The bashful hesitation in those last four words drew Nat across the living room and into the kitchen space. Zack straightened and angled to face him, shoulders relaxed, expression open. Curious. Hopeful? “If I’d been there with anyone else, I wouldn’t have been able to let go,” Nat said, unsure why his voice had a new, quivering rasp to it. “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to trust another man again. Not after everything Austin put me through.”

Zack’s jaw flexed. Nat realized he’d just name-dropped his ex, but a first name wouldn’t exactly narrow things down if Zack decided to go fishing. And the obvious restraint Zack was showing in not asking questions helped Nat want to open up. He slipped his hand into Zack’s and led him over to the sofa. Sat them down close enough that their knees were touching.

He held tight to Zack’s hand and used that strength to find his words. “Austin is an exhibitionist, and he has an ego the size of Texas. He was handsome. Is handsome. Killer body and, like I said before, super charming. He also loves being on social media, because of the attention it gives him. The way it strokes his ego with every like or view or whatever.” Nat had always hated how much time Austin had spent on his phone, always interacting with his followers, only doling out his attention to Nat when he thought Nat deserved it.

“I craved the attention he gave me. Before I met him, I’d never explored my sexuality. So, it was easy for him to coax me into doing…things. After our first year or so together, he convinced me to have a threesome with another guy. A social media fan of his.”

Zack’s grip on his hand tightened. “Was a threesome something you ever imagined doing?”

“No. Growing up, I always believed in the idea of falling in love with one person. Maybe getting married, making a life. Not group sex or gang bangs, or any of that stuff.” Flashes from old encounters stung behind his eyes like unshed tears, and he tried to blink them away. The hands and mouths and dicks and sweaty flesh. The discomfort and, sometimes, outright pain. “But I always said yes, because I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. Because I was a fucking idiot.”

“Hey, no.” Zack slid across the cushion and tucked Nat against his broad chest, a heavy arm resting over Nat’s shoulders. Nat looped one arm around Zack’s waist, savoring the side-hug. And the precious, unwavering support. “I’ve known men like Austin before, and one thing I know is that they are expert manipulators. They know how to find and target their victims. You are not an idiot. You were deceived. Even the most seasoned, intelligent men can be deceived by the right person wielding the right lies.”

Nat snorted. “Or the wrong person.”

“You know what I mean. We always bristle when anyone tries to call us a victim, but it’s not a weakness. It’s not an insult or a slur. It’s a word that gives us the tools we need to heal from the trauma others inflict on us.”

Nat hadn’t missed that Zack kept saying “we.” Had to be the royal we, and not that Zack was including himself as a victim. Right? “But to keep falling for the lies? I kept going back to him.”

“Sometimes we mistake familiarity for safety. But the important thing is that you did eventually reach your breaking point, Nat. You did leave, once and for all. And you’ve stayed gone. You’ve protected yourself. You’re in a place where I can now help protect you from Austin. Please, let me protect you. I can’t change the past, but I can protect you in the present and the future.”

“Why?” Nat nearly choked on the question, and he dared raise his head. Meet Zack’s eyes. “Why do you want to protect me?”

The obvious answer—they were friends—rang through Nat’s head in an echo of Austin’s voice, tinged with derision. Friends helped each other, and that’s all it was. All it ever would be, because someone like Nat didn’t deserve a grand love, or a lover who would treat him like he mattered.

Zack’s left hand rose from its resting place on Nat’s hip to cup Nat’s jaw, hot and firm and without malice. Nat didn’t think, didn’t worry or wonder. He tilted his head and accepted the hot slant of Zack’s mouth over his.

Warmth and wet and spice enveloped Nat’s senses, and he melted against the solid body holding him close. Nothing mattered, except the slide of the lips and tongue against his, the strong arms tightening around him, the absolute rightness of this moment. He sought out, needing more of those magical kisses, desperate for every lick and press of the mouth moving against his. He needed to touch, to make sure the man kissing him so intensely was real, and not some alcohol-induced wet dream.

He also didn’t want to risk waking if it was.

Zack pulled one more gentle sip from his lips as he ended the kiss, pulling back so their eyes could meet. Zack’s burned with both arousal and uncertainty, and the uncertainty just wouldn’t do. Nat threaded his fingers in Zack’s thick, soft hair and pulled him down for another kiss.

The kiss went on and on, their mouths and lips exploring, seeking, giving and taking. Zack didn’t push, didn’t force anything deeper than this erotic dance of tongues. Licking and stroking. Chasing and retreating. Their hands played with hair and ears and throat, but never wandered lower. Nat started getting hard, and he didn’t care, because this was the first kiss he’d always wanted.

This was the first kiss he’d deserved, damn it.

Curious and aroused, Nat began to gently push and nudge, until Zack was flat on his back on the sofa, with Nat stretched out on top of him. Nat pressed his thigh against Zack’s erection, and Zack released a gasp into Nat’s mouth. Zack stroked his hands up and down Nat’s back, over his shirt, and Nat wanted them skin on skin. But he didn’t want to take this too far, too fast. Didn’t want to get attached if all Zack wanted was a fling with the ex-hooker.

Stop it, that’s not who Zack is, and you know it.

When Zack released another, deeper moan, Nat realized he was humping Zack’s hip with his own hard dick, and he froze. Put a hand on the cushion by Zack’s head to raise himself up. Zack’s shining eyes and glistening lips gave him the courage to say, “I didn’t mean to take things this far.”

“I’m not complaining.” Zack rested his hands on the small of Nat’s back, firm without trapping him. “In fact, I am actively enjoying it. If you couldn’t tell.”

Nat chuckled. “I can tell. I love this, Zack, I really do. The kissing and cuddling, but I’m not ready to have sex with you yet.”

“All right. I respect that, Nat, I truly do. I would never force myself on you.”

“I know. I just didn’t want you to think this meant I was ready for more.”

“Kissing and a little light frotting is not automatic consent to more. I know you aren’t used to being with men who think like that, but I do. I always used to be a man who believed in enthusiastic consent, but I lost sight of that belief for a little while. I lost a little of myself, and I have a lot of regrets from that time. But I’m not him anymore. I left that man behind in Wilmington.”

Nat stroked the light stubble on the side of Zack’s cheek, enjoying the roughness. The way it had abraded his own cheeks while they kissed. “I’m scared you’ll be another thing I have to survive.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Zack gently pushed, and Nat allowed him to arrange them so Nat was sitting on Zack’s lap. Both were still hard but that was secondary to the intensity of Zack’s gaze and voice. “I don’t want to be that for you, either. So we’re clear, I’m not looking for a fling here. I’ve had my share of flings and empty sex, and if that’s all I wanted, I could find it. But I gave up on meaningless sex a long time ago. I want something real, and while I never expected to develop feelings for you when I chose to help you, I did develop them. And I’m not sorry.”

Nat slipped his right hand around to rest on the back of Zack’s neck, heart fluttering with joy. “I have feelings for you, too, but they scare me.”

“I understand. Mine scare me a little bit, too. You’re so much younger than me, and it worries me that you might see me as some sort of savior figure you need to thank.”

“I won’t lie, Zack, I did. The first few nights I spent here? I did wait for you to call me into your room. To ask for sex. But you never did. You gave me a chance to get to know you, to trust you, and to really, really like who you are.”

“Does our age difference bother you?”

“Bother me? Not really. I’m aware of it. You have a lot more life experience than me, but I’m not some innocent college student you seduced with your lumpy sofa bed.”

Zack grinned. “Damn. Here I thought sofa beds were the new bouquet of roses.”

“Roses will always be at the top of the seduction list, along with home-cooked meals and massages.”

“Are you giving me hints?”

“I mean…” Nat was out of practice at flirting, so he pressed a soft kiss to Zack’s lips. “I’m saying that I have feelings for you, and I’d like to see if there’s something between us. To date, I guess? Explore our chemistry?”

“People usually date before they start living together, don’t they?”

“Typically, yes, but if you hadn’t asked me to live here for a while, then we might never have found our feelings. And we do have separate jobs that keep us apart for most of each workday, so?—”

“Oh shit. Work.” Zack looked at the wall clock and blanched. “I’ve gotta get going, or I’ll be late to work. I’m covering lunch, because of a VIP reservation. Shit.”

“It’s okay.” Nat eased off Zack’s lap and stood, grateful for the interruption. The conversation had gotten a little too serious, and he needed to step back from it. Really absorb what they’d both said and agreed to. Except, had they agreed to anything?

While Zack bolted into the bathroom to get ready for work, Nat poured himself a mug of coffee, and then put the rest into a travel mug for Zack. Somehow, his morning had gone from nursing a hangover to confessing his feelings, and possibly having a boyfriend. It was a lot to deal with, but at least he’d have some space to work it out.

He sipped his coffee at the counter and waited. Eventually, Zack tore out of the bedroom, still fixing his necktie, and he headed straight for the travel mug. “Thank you,” Zack said as he turned toward the alarm panel. Disarmed the system. Grabbed his keys.

Disappointment stirred in Nat’s gut. Zack stopped with his hand nearly on the knob. Turned and marched back to the kitchen. Kissed Nat soundly on the mouth in a way that chased that kernel of disappointment away.

“I’m only working part of dinner service,” Zack said. “I’ll text you when I get off. Interested in going out to a late dinner with me?”

“Yeah? Yes. Definitely.”

“Our first date?”

Nat’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest with joy. “Yes.”

Zack beamed like a student praised by his favorite teacher, and the expression was endearing as hell. “Great. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay.” Nat disliked being reduced to single-word responses, but he felt like a kid about to sit on Santa’s lap for the first time. Full of excitement and wonderment. He wasn’t a helpless child being poisoned by his own mother. He wasn’t a na?ve college student being manipulated and tormented by a supposed lover.

He was a young man making a conscious decision to date a much-older, established, serious man who was willing to go at Nat’s pace. Maybe whatever was brewing between Nat and Zack wasn’t a forever thing. But Nat was certain that, for right now, it could be a wonderful thing.

* * *

Zack was a flaming hot mess inside over this new thing with Nat, and he did his best to keep it tucked away, so it didn’t affect his job. The patriarch and wife of one of the wealthiest families in Reynolds had booked a one o’clock lunch in the Parisian room, and Zack was the consummate host for his guests. Fortunately, they were only slightly grating and tipped well, when so many of their wealthiest guests were stingy as hell with tips.

But Zack must not have done as good a job hiding his distracted state as he thought, because around three o’clock, while he was taking a quick break in the office for a look at the books, Chase walked in, slightly out of breath from the stairs and leaning heavily on his cane.

“What are you doing here?” Zack hurried to stand and help Chase to an empty chair. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me, I’m fine.” Chase accepted a bottled water from the mini-fridge he kept upstairs for drinks and snacks. “I called Marie about tonight’s bookings, since I was feeling up to an evening here, and she made a comment that you seemed…I believe she used the word scattered.”

“Scattered?” On any other day, Zack would have been insulted by that. He prided himself on his professionalism and attention to detail.

“I don’t think she wanted to insult the big boss by saying you’re distracted. When we talked this morning, you said you and Nat had a great night. Were you lying?”

“Not at all. We had a fantastic time.” He and Nat hadn’t discussed telling anyone they were going on a date, but he also didn’t want to lie to his best friend. “Nat and I talked more this morning. He told me some personal things. About the ex he’s scared of.”

“Ah. Plotting your revenge?”

“Definitely thinking some creatively vengeful thoughts, but I only got a first name.” Nat hadn’t admitted to any real details, but hearing that Nat had been manipulated into group sex he didn’t want was enraging. Even with just a first name, Zack knew enough people to figure out what Austin’s last name was, if he asked the right people. Especially at Tim’s.

“We can find out a last name,” Chase said, mirroring his thoughts.

“I know, but I’m not going to do that. Nat trusts me, and I need to build on that trust, Chase. He’s been betrayed too many times already.” Nat would tell him more when he was ready, and Zack knew how to be patient.

“I understand.” Chase twisted the top off his bottle of water with a slightly shaky hand. He put the cap on his thigh, and then used both hands to tilt the bottle up for a sip. Zack silently cursed the disease for reducing his once strong, powerful friend to this. “Young Nathaniel is getting to you, Zack. I can hear it in your voice when you say his name.”

“He is. A lot. We’re, ah, going out for dinner tonight when my shift is over.”

“Are you?” His wide, amused smile made Chase look ten years younger. “Who asked who?”

“I asked him.”

Chase waggled his eyebrows. “So, is this dinner as just friends, or is it a date?”

Heat rose in Zack’s cheeks and neck. “A date.”

“A date with your much younger, incredibly gorgeous roommate? You dog.”

“ Chase . What?”

“What what?” Chase carefully put his bottle on the corner of the desk. “The boy has no idea how good-looking he is, and before you bristle like a jealous boyfriend, I have never once said or done anything inappropriate with Nat. I promise. Not only would it be unprofessional, as he’s my employee, but I have nothing to offer anyone now, so why bother flirting with intent?”

Chase’s rare flash of vulnerability drew Zack to squat in front of his friend. He squeezed both of Chase’s hands, until Chase met his gaze. The depth of grief in Chase’s eyes nearly sent Zack’s knees out from under him. “You listen to me, Chase Andrew Sampson. Your body might be slowly failing you, but you are still the smart, sassy, talented man I first met twenty years ago. You have so much to offer, you stubborn jackass, and don’t you forget it.”

“How many more years do I have to offer it, though? One? Three? Five, if I’m lucky? And please, don’t give me the ‘well, Chase, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and it’ll all be over for me’ speech, because I’ve heard thirty different variations since my diagnosis. It’s trite and it’s boring.”

“Trite and boring can still be the truth.” Zack leaned up and kissed Chase’s forehead. “You’re allowed to get maudlin, and you’re allowed to have bad days. But what you aren’t allowed to do is actively shit on my best friend. I mean, look at this restaurant we’re in! You built this. It’s your dream, and it’s real. And successful.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Chase freed one hand and patted Zack’s cheek. “This is why I called you and asked for your help. Of all the people I’ve met in my life, you know how to snap me out of it and help me steer the course.”

“Happy to.”

“Say that again when you try to stand back up from that squat.”

Zack chuckled, and he wasn’t embarrassed to use the side of the desk for support. His knees did ache a bit, but he worked a high-stress, on-your-feet job, and he was in his forties. Things were starting to ache more than they used to.

“So back to tonight’s date,” Chase said, a mischievous sparkle returning to his eyes. “Where you are two kids going?”

“I considered trying to get a last-minute reservation at Lucinda’s, but I don’t want Nat to think I’m trying to buy his affection, or show off my connections with a fancy place.”

“Shame. Lucinda’s has amazing Brazilian cuisine.”

“I know. But I might take us to Rio Grille for tapas. Sharing plates and discussing the options makes great first-date dinner conversation.”

“Good plan. Mid-priced, without feeling like a fast casual chain.”

“Exactly.” Zack perched his butt on the edge of the desk. “But how do you end a first date when you both live in the same place?”

“A goodnight kiss at your bedroom door?”

“Unconventional, but workable. I’d love it if he’d sleep in my bed again, even if all we do is cuddle.”

“You always were a big cuddler, weren’t you—wait. Again? What’s this again business?”

Whoops. “I told you Nat was toasted when we got home last night, and he doesn’t remember much.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t say you slept together.”

“We didn’t sleep—okay, technically, yes. The sofa wasn’t turned down, so putting him in my bed made more sense. I slept on top of the covers, by the way.”

Chase’s sly grin was positively sinful. “And now you want under-the-covers snuggles?”

Zack would love a hell of a lot more than that, but he’d promised to go at Nat’s pace. Respond to Nat’s cues and requests. Not to push. “I want whatever Nat’s ready to share with me, and I will not be sharing any of the salacious, or even innocent details of our date with you. If Nat chooses to, he can, but I’m giving him as much privacy as possible.” From what little Nat had said this morning, Nat’s privacy had been disrespected for a long time.

“Fine, then I won’t needle you anymore about it. I’ll just say that I hope you two have a magnificent time. You both deserve it.”

“Thank you.” Zack’s cell chimed; he checked the text. “They need me downstairs. Coming?”

“In a little while. Walking up those stairs took a bit out of me. I’ll mess around on the computer and rest.”

“Just don’t download any porn.”

“Party pooper.”

On a chuff of laughter, Zack headed for the stairs, grateful to have Chase’s blessing, and stupidly eager for his date with Nathaniel Hawking.