Page 22 of Never Doubt I Love (Calloway #3)

As angry as Olivia was with Simon and Nick for excluding her from their little garden party, she was glad she had come to visit Miss Harris. Over the last couple of weeks, she had grown as fond of the girl as she had any of her other friends, and as it seemed her friends were quickly being picked off one by one to be married, Olivia wanted to keep as many single friends as she could so she would not feel so alone. Besides, Mother had been more than happy to join her and get to know Mrs. Harris better, as it had been a long while since she’d spent any significant time in London and wished for better acquaintances.

“Oh, Olivia, I wish you could have been at the Lockharts’ ball last night.” Miss Harris—Harriet, as she had begged Olivia to call her—took hold of Olivia’s hand and squeezed as they sat on a settee by the window. The Harrises’ home was modest and quaint, but this sitting room was warm and inviting with the day’s sunshine filtering in through the window. “It was ever so glamorous, but I knew next to no one. I certainly do not have your talent for making friends, though I wish I did.”

Olivia smiled at her, returning the squeeze. “Oh, my darling Harriet, you befriended me so easily the first time we met. Anyone would be lucky to know you.”

Blushing, Harriet fixed her eyes on her lap. “Perhaps more gentlemen would have asked me to dance if I had been with you. For some reason, any lady within your reach always seems to be wildly popular.”

Olivia snorted a laugh and pressed her fingers to her mouth. “Yes, it is strange, isn’t it?”

“It is as if your popularity spreads to anyone who is near you.”

Or Olivia had simply grown more skilled at throwing out the sorts of compliments toward her friends that caught a man’s attention. She far more enjoyed praising the women around her than acting a fool to keep a bachelor’s attention elsewhere. “Well,” she said brightly, “next time we are together, you shall remain stuck to my side like glue, and we will see if we cannot find you a man who strikes your fancy.”

“Oh!” Harriet turned a deep shade of pink. “Yes, well, perhaps that will not be as difficult as you think. Is Lord Alexander still a guest of your brother’s?”

The question seemed to hit Olivia like a slap to the face, catching her off guard. “Lord Alexander?” She took a breath to steady her voice, which had gone rather wobbly. “You... you are interested in the Duke of Tipton’s brother?”

Harriet laughed. “Are not we all? He is more handsome than most, and no one can say he does not come from a good family.”

Well, Alexander could say it. In fact, he would declare it most emphatically, though Olivia still did not believe his brothers could be as bad as he said. And even without his opinion of his family, Alexander had been firm in his decision to remain single. Olivia could hardly blame him, after his heartbreak, though she wished things were different. If Alexander could but open his heart again, he could finally find some happiness. And Olivia would gladly help him find it. She would do anything for him to be happy.

“Olivia?”

Olivia blinked, bringing her smile back, as it had apparently faded while she thought about Alexander. “Yes, well, Lord Alexander certainly is handsome. No one could deny that.”

Harriet frowned. “But?”

“But...” Oh, what could she say that would not betray Alexander’s trust? If she had known before now that Harriet had taken a fancy to the man, she might have had time to form a good response. “But I think you could do better than Lord Alexander.” She grimaced. What a terrible answer!

Harriet seemed to agree with her unspoken thought, her eyebrows pulling low. “Better than a duke’s brother? I am grateful that you think so highly of me, Olivia, but I am the daughter of a barrister.” She leaned in close. “And not even a good barrister.”

Olivia snickered when Harriet winked. “I am certain your father is lovely. Particularly if he is anything like your brother.”

Still leaning close, Harriet glanced over to where their mothers were happily chatting away on the other side of the room. “Speaking of my brother,” she whispered, “I have discovered that he is quite taken by you, Olivia Calloway.”

Heat flooded Olivia’s face, but as Harriet still held on to one of her hands, she could not hide her blush with her palms. “Oh. Is he?” Of course, she knew as much, but hearing it from the man’s sister seemed to make it more real. “Your brother is, ah, well, he is an incredibly kind man. Remarkably patient.”

A bit too patient for Olivia’s liking. Whether she was insulting the color of his hair or rambling on and on about horseshoes, Mr. Harris had continued to smile her way and beg her for two dances whenever they came across each other. Could he truly be so interested in her that her strangeness had not yet turned his head another way? Alexander had spoken true when he’d guessed that Olivia did not love Mr. Harris, but...

If her only choices were a duke or a patient man, she knew which she would choose. Thank goodness Mr. Harris was away from the house, or that decision might have come before she was ready.

“It is a pity Edward was called away on business this afternoon,” Harriet said, finally releasing Olivia’s hand so she could reach for her cup of tea. “I do love watching my brother bumble through his conversations with you.”

Olivia fought the giggle that bubbled up. “I should not laugh,” she whispered. But Mr. Harris truly seemed to stumble over all his words whenever he spoke to her. She might have thought it was just his way, but she had watched him have a perfectly normal conversation with her mother or Simon. He seemed to struggle only when he faced Olivia, and it was rather adorable. “You are a terrible tease for a sister. Although, I must admit I would be the same way. In fact, my brother Simon was much the same with his wife after he proposed.”

“Love does seem to have that effect,” Harriet agreed.

Olivia very much wanted to end this conversation before it worked its way back to the subject of Mr. Harris and his affection. “Will you be attending the Lovelaces’ musicale next week, Harriet? I confess I have been wanting to hear you play the pianoforte ever since your brother mentioned how skilled you are at the instrument.”

“Oh!” Harriet blushed again. “Yes, well, the last time I played in company, no one even bothered to listen, except... well, it hardly matters. I would much rather listen to you sing.”

“Only if you accompany me, my dear Harriet.”

They spent the next several minutes discussing their favorite musical pieces and who was likely to perform, until a soft voice interrupted them.

“Ah, if it is not my favorite ladies in London.” Mr. Harris himself strode into the sitting room looking like he had just been given a priceless gift as he smiled at Olivia.

While Harris greeted his mother, Olivia smoothed her skirts and tried her hardest not to let her fear overwhelm her. She should not be afraid of this man, but sooner or later he was likely to propose, and she had no idea how she was supposed to respond. As long as he gave her more time, perhaps she could better come to understand her own feelings on the matter.

Harris approached with a bounce in his step, his smile still wide and warm. “If I had known you were intending to visit, Miss Calloway, I would have let my business affairs wait.”

Olivia did her best to meet his smile with her own. “You know how I am. I never know my own plans until I am in them.”

“Yes, I do know you.”

Silence spread between them, thick and awkward.

Harriet cleared her throat. “What was that, Mother?” She leaped to her feet and scurried across the room before Olivia could hold her back.

Harris grinned, taking his sister’s seat. “I do hope my sister has not been taking your ear off this afternoon, Miss Calloway.” He grimaced. “Talking! I meant talking your ear off, of course.”

Olivia couldn’t help but chuckle at his mistake. “If she has, I do not mind it. Harriet has become a dear friend. She can have my ear any day.”

“Yes. That is, I am so pleased to know you like her. I know she is rather fond of you as well. As am I.” The tips of his ears, just visible beneath his blond curls, turned red, and he ducked his head, swallowing thickly. “Miss Calloway. Olivia. I...” Reaching out, he took hold of her hand. “I cannot express how happy I am to see you today.”

Olivia’s mouth went dry. Now? He was doing this now ? It seemed her hopes of more time were in vain, and she considered darting out of the room and running away. But fear and propriety both kept her in her seat, barely breathing, as she waited for him to continue.

Harris cleared his throat. “Perhaps I am moving too quickly, and I have yet to discuss the matter with your brother, but I wanted to know your feelings before...” He looked up, his hazel eyes full of earnestness and hope. “I have fallen in love with you, Olivia Calloway. You are unlike any woman I have ever known, and I can only hope that you might give me a chance to be your husband. To give you a good and happy life, no matter how small that life may be. Is there? A chance, I mean.”

Olivia let out a squeak, apparently the only sound she was capable of producing at the moment. Was this how she was supposed to feel when a man proposed marriage? Like she might lose the tea and biscuits she had consumed earlier? Her hand trembled in his, and all she could think about was how Alexander would react if he knew what had just happened.

He would tell her that the choice was hers, and yet she imagined a deep sadness in his eyes, as if even his masks could not hide his disappointment as he realized he had lost his chance.

“Oh,” Olivia said, as much in response to Harris as to how desperately she wanted Alexander to hope for her hand himself. While she knew she had grown fond of Alexander, she had not realized just how much she had come to treasure his presence until she’d thought she might lose him.

Harris swallowed again, the hopefulness in his expression dimming. “Olivia?”

“Mr. Harris.”

“Edward. Please.”

Giving him a brief smile, Olivia put most of her focus into holding her tears at bay. She did not want Mr. Harris to think she was ungrateful for his attention. “Oh,” she said again, “I am quite speechless. Thank you. I...” Now she was the one bumbling. Harris had been rather eloquent in his proposal, comparatively. “Might I have some time? To think about it?”

Harris’s shoulders fell, but he smiled and nodded anyway. “Of course. All the time you need. I know I likely surprised you, and I would never wish to cause you distress. I would wait a lifetime if it meant I could have you by my side.”

He was saying all the right things, things Olivia had dreamed of and hoped for her entire life. She felt so foolish for not returning his affection, considering how thoroughly he had proven his affection for her as a person, not as someone with a large dowry. Did she really have any reason to reject his proposal? What if no one else proved as patient as Edward Harris?

Her smile held this time, and she gave his hand a soft squeeze. “I do hope it will not take me a lifetime to decide.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “As do I. Would... Would you allow me to speak to your brother? To merely inform him of my intentions, of course. You would still be able to refuse me if...” He winced, likely not wanting to finish that sentence and put ideas in her head.

At this point, Olivia had no idea what to decide. Neither did she know what to say now as they sat there in silence, which likely explained why the worst possible thing came out of her mouth: “You know, when I first met you, I thought you were simply after my dowry.” She let out a laugh that died immediately upon seeing the fear that filled Harris’s expression. “Oh.”

Grimacing, he shook his head. “Olivia, I did not... that was only in the beginning. Before I knew you.”

“You wanted my dowry?”

“I...” The man looked miserable as Olivia pulled her hand free from his. “Please, you must understand. I am not a wealthy man, and I could never provide for you the way you deserve without something...” He dropped his head. “Please. No matter what drew me to you at first, believe that I love you. Fortune or no fortune. But I want you to have a good life, and without your...”

The tears that pooled in Olivia’s eyes now were not ones she could hold back, though she swiped them away. Logically, she knew that Harris was only saying the same thing her mother had said when she’d first arrived in London. Harris likely couldn’t give her a comfortable life without her money, and she could not fault him for that.

But was there no one in the world who would choose her despite her wealth? No one who would take her as she was and build a life with her?

“I must return home,” Olivia whispered, rising shakily to her feet. She met her mother’s eyes, and thankfully Mother recognized that their visit was over and bid hasty goodbyes to Mrs. and Miss Harris.

Mother waited until they were in the coach and nearly home before she spoke, tucking Olivia’s arm through hers as she did so. “I take it Mr. Harris made you an offer?”

Olivia sniffled. “Why am I not happy that he did? He is a good man.”

“He is,” Mother agreed. “But he is not the man who has stolen your heart.”

“I am not certain anyone will steal my heart,” Olivia admitted miserably. She knew she was being dramatic—at only eighteen, she had plenty of time to find a love match—but she could not help herself. This ache in her chest was not one she thought she could endure more than once. “Will I ever know what love feels like?”

Mother patted her hand, pulling her in close as Olivia rested her head on her shoulder. “My darling girl, you already do.”

“But I do not love Mr. Harris.” Saying the words out loud made them feel all the more true.

“No,” Mother agreed. “I was not speaking of Mr. Harris.”

Who else could she mean?

The coach pulled to a stop, and Mother alighted and headed for the house without a word, leaving Olivia sitting there in confusion and feeling like an emotional mess. The one bright spot in her miserable mood was the thought that Alexander was likely inside. Perhaps he could help her make sense of everything that had just happened. If nothing else, he always made her feel safe, in every way, and she desperately needed that feeling.

“Miss Calloway?” Wilson stood outside the coach with his hand at the ready to help her down, though he looked unsure of himself. The poor footman had never known what to do when he came across her in various emotional states. Unfortunately for him, he was one of the best riders on the staff and was usually the one to accompany her on her rides, so he had spent plenty of time enduring her silliness.

“Never bother with love, Wilson,” Olivia said on a sigh, grasping his hand and climbing from the coach. “Actually, I have never asked. Is there anyone you fancy?”

He choked, eyebrows pulled low as he reluctantly followed her toward the house. Though she wasn’t certain, he was probably a few years her senior, and surely he had taken an interest in someone . Perhaps Olivia could assist him in wooing whoever she was; it would likely turn out better than her own romantic life.

Wilson cleared his throat. “Miss Calloway, I don’ think I should...”

Olivia had just reached the base of the stairs leading up to the front door when quick and heavy footfalls pulled her attention to the street. “Alexander?”

He skidded to a halt a few feet from her, having been running at full speed. “Olivia.” His eyes were frantic, and he seemed barely able to breathe as he stood there in his shirtsleeves.

Olivia’s heart began to pound. “Alexander, what is the matter?” Where had he come from?

He shook his head. “I don’t have time to... I need...” He bent over, looking on the verge of collapsing.

Olivia and Wilson both hurried to his side, each taking an arm. “Alex,” Olivia said, “what happened? Oh, you are bleeding!”

The arm she held had been cut, and blood soaked into the torn sleeve. But Alexander shook his head. “It is nothing. I need to go—”

“You are going nowhere.” Olivia tugged his arm, doing her best to hold him in place without hurting him further. “You need a physician.”

“It will heal.”

“With a physician’s help, yes.”

“Olivia.”

“Alex, what happened?”

Shaking his head, he glanced at Wilson before turning his focus to Olivia. “It does not matter. Let me go.”

She could hardly allow him to do whatever it was he thought he needed to do when he was in such a state. He looked as if he could hardly hold himself upright.

“Alex,” she said, leaning in close until she had captured his full attention. “Tell me. What has you so frightened? Is it your brothers?”

He shook his head, eyes locked on hers as if he was desperate to find some sort of answer to his problems in her gaze. “No. Yes. I mean...” He groaned. “My mother is in danger.” His voice had gone soft. Weak. The man was terrified.

Olivia shifted her hold from his arm to his hand, entwining their fingers together. “Your mother? Where is she?”

Tears filled his eyes. “I have no idea.”

“Oh.” Reaching up, Olivia brushed a tear from his cheek as her own spilled over. “I am sorry. What can we do? How do you know she is in danger?”

He swallowed thickly, and for a moment he seemed to forget his terror as his eyes traveled her face, as if he could not understand what he was looking at. “Hugh,” he said eventually, his words barely audible. “He is bankrupt. He sold the house our mother was living in to pay off his debts, and she could be anywhere. I have to find her.”

“Yes.” Olivia gritted her teeth as anger filled her. What sort of son abandoned his mother? “Yes, we must find her immediately.”

Alexander stiffened. “We?” he repeated, eyebrows lowering. “No.”

As horribly inappropriate as it was for the moment, Olivia laughed. “Do you really think I am going to let you ride off in this state? Absolutely not.”

“Olivia.”

“I am coming with you, Alex, or I will have Wilson prevent you from leaving at all.”

Wilson choked again when Alexander glared at him, immediately dropping Alexander’s arm and taking a step back. “Forgive me, my lord. Meant no disrespect. Only thought to help you.”

Olivia huffed a sigh. “I am coming with you, Alex.”

“No you are not.”

“Yes I am.”

“I do not even know where to go.”

“We will start in the last place you knew she was living.”

“ We will do nothing of the sort.”

Olivia ignored him. “Surely someone will have known where she might have gone. Perhaps the new owner even allowed her to stay, though that does seem unlikely.”

“Olivia.”

Olivia tried to recall whether he had ever mentioned where his mother lived. She was certain he had. “You said she is only twenty miles or so outside of London, yes? We could ride that before nightfall, if you borrowed Hermes from Simon. He is the only other horse that can match Cordelia’s pace.”

“Ride?” Alexander choked on the word, turning frightfully pale. He seemed to have forgotten his arguments against her joining him in lieu of his fear of horses.

Olivia scoffed. “Certainly. We have no time to waste! Besides, a carriage could never get us all the way before it is too dark, so we would have to find somewhere to stay the night if we chose that mode of transportation.”

Alexander ran his free hand through his hair. “Olivia, I cannot let you ride across the country unaccompanied.”

“Wilson will be with us, of course.”

The poor footman spluttered. “Miss Calloway, beggin’ your pardon, but—”

“If you do not,” Olivia said, narrowing her eyes at him, “then you will be allowing me to run off without any sort of chaperone or protection. I would hate for my brother to discover such a failure to do your duty.” She did feel guilty for making it impossible for the footman to refuse, but she would not leave Alexander on his own. Nor was she foolish enough to think gallivanting across the country without supervision would be harmless. Alexander clearly could not wait for someone else to be available to go with him, and Olivia would not abandon him now.

She glared at both men. “I will go with or without the both of you.”

Wilson looked ready to keep arguing, but Alexander sighed. He seemed too exhausted to argue any more. “Very well. If Wilson agrees to help me keep you safe, then we will ride as soon as we are able.”

With a look of worried resignation, Wilson nodded his agreement. “I will see to the horses, Miss Calloway.”

As soon as he was gone, Olivia pressed her palm to Alexander’s cheek. “Thank you,” she said, hoping he knew how deeply she meant that. “For letting me help you.”

“In truth, I am not certain how far I could have gotten on my own. I should not allow this, but...” He gave her a gentle smile. “Why would you risk so much to help me?”

She brushed her thumb across his cheek. “Because I would do anything for you, Alex.”

Oh. As her chest swelled with a building warmth she could not describe, Olivia wondered if this was what Mother had meant in the coach when she’d said Olivia knew how it felt to love someone. Whatever this feeling was, she wanted to hold on to it forever.