Page 12 of Never Doubt I Love (Calloway #3)

It was early for Hugh to already be drunk, and Alexander genuinely contemplated allowing his brother to make a fool of himself without interruption. Perhaps then Hugh would learn to accept the consequences of his actions and choose better for himself.

Unfortunately, Alexander lived with enough guilt from inaction as it was. He already missed the calm he had experienced at the Calloways’ yesterday. “Your Grace,” he said, keeping his voice low. Little good that did, considering Hugh had only moments ago been singing quite loudly in the corner of Brooks’s gentlemen’s club, where he had been for who knew how long. “Your Grace, perhaps we should return home.”

Hugh waved an arm in Alexander’s direction as he slumped in his chair. “But I don’t want to go home. There’s no one there.” His words came out remarkably clear, all things considered.

“I will be there with you.”

“You’re always there for me, Alex.” Pointing a finger at him, Hugh grinned wide. “You don’t wish me dead.”

“Not even a little,” Alexander agreed. “Now, would you like to take a nap before going to the opera this evening?”

“Why the devil would I want to go to a blasted opera?”

Several of the gentlemen behind Alexander were murmuring to each other, and he knew what would fill tomorrow’s gossip pages. The Duke of Tipton got himself so foxed that he could not hold his tongue.

Sighing, Alexander looked back and threw a glare toward anyone who failed to immediately look away. He was not as intimidating as his brothers, but he was still the son of a duke. That counted for something.

“Come, Brother.” He draped Hugh’s arm over his shoulders and lifted him to his feet, hoping he came quietly.

“You’re my favorite, you know. You never think about poisoning me.”

“Keep your voice down.”

“Wait!” Hugh shouted, loud enough that he was probably heard throughout the whole club. “What about Charles?”

Charles had gone straight for the betting books, as he always did, and Alexander had not seen him since.

“I am sure he is well.”

“I refuse to turn my back on the little weasel.” Hugh wiggled himself free and plopped back into his chair. “Find him before he kills us both.”

Alexander debated his options. Hugh would likely believe Alexander if he said Charles would follow them shortly, but that would last only long enough for Hugh to become less intoxicated and realize the truth. Plus, Alexander was uncertain it was a good idea to leave Charles to his own devices for long. But could he really leave Hugh here either? Who knew what sort of madness he could cause if left alone right now?

Hugh glared up at Alexander. “Find him,” he ordered.

Perhaps Alexander should do as he was told. “I will be back shortly,” he assured Hugh, and then he passed through the whispering crowd that parted for him, determined to find Charles quickly.

He had barely made it out of the room when a voice called his name. “Lord Alexander, might we have a word?”

It was the we that made him hesitate, and when he turned to find Lord Calloway flanked by Forester and Lord Harstone, he wished he had pretended not to hear. “My lords,” he said, bowing his head. “Mr. Forester.”

“I really need to find a way to earn myself a title,” Forester said. “Standing next to you lot is becoming so tedious for everyone.”

Harstone gave Alexander a warm smile and held out his hand. “We have not met,” he said, his words accented from his youth spent in Spain. “Alvaro Rowland.”

“Viscount of Harstone,” Calloway added for him.

Alexander had heard plenty about Lord Harstone over the years, particularly because no one had ever had a bad thing to say about the man. If Calloway was generally liked, Harstone was adored, and Alexander had always wondered how true his amiability could be. As he grasped the viscount’s outstretched hand, he got the sense that Harstone was as kind and friendly as everyone made him out to be.

“Alexander Bailey,” he replied and took in all three gentlemen, trying to understand why they were here. He had never seen them at Brooks’s before today. “I did not realize you were all members of Brooks’s.”

“We’re not,” Forester said with a smirk.

“ He is not,” Calloway corrected. “Harstone and I are members of both clubs.”

“Though, I cannot claim to attend either very often,” Harstone added. “Too many ladies at home to keep entertained.”

Alexander’s stomach twisted. Perhaps Harstone wasn’t as virtuous as the ton believed, if he spent most of his time cavorting with women.

Forester burst into laughter. “He has three daughters and a wonderful wife at home,” he explained. “Not whatever horror you were imagining just now.”

Perhaps Alexander should end this conversation before he made more of a fool of himself, though he knew these men wouldn’t stop him in a corridor if they did not have a reason. “Forgive me. I have spent too much time with my brothers, it seems.”

As if on cue, Hugh began singing again, his off-key voice spilling out of the room Alexander had just left. The Rowdy Duke was certainly embodying the nickname the ton had given him.

Alexander grimaced, each slurred lyric like a punch to his gut. “Was there something you needed?” he asked the three men. “I must go find my younger brother before I can convince His Grace to return home.”

“Lord Charles just made a bet that he could beat every man in the upper ten thousand in a fisticuffs match,” Forester said with a laugh. “I believe that will keep him occupied for a while.”

Wishing they were not having this conversation in an open corridor where anyone could hear, Alexander glanced around in search of somewhere more private.

“This will not take long,” Calloway said. “I only wanted to ensure you and I are in agreement when it comes to my sister.”

Oh. That was what this was about? It made sense, though that did not mean Alexander wanted to have this conversation. “As I told you yesterday, I have no wish to allow His Grace to—”

“My concern now is more for your intentions.” Calloway folded his arms, looking quite impressive as he stood there. Not only did he have a thriving estate and more wealth than many could boast of, but his broad shoulders and muscled arms would likely make him a dangerous opponent in situations like Charles’s ridiculous bet. “Olivia is under the impression that you have no desire to court her. Is that correct?”

At least she had understood. “Yes. She deserves far better than me.”

“And yet I found you holding her hand yesterday,” Calloway said.

That had been a mistake, but the moment she’d grabbed hold of him, he had been unable to find the will to pull his hand away. Swallowing, he nodded. “Miss Calloway needed reassurance.”

“About what?”

“That is not my place to say.”

“You really have no intentions to pursue her?”

“I have no intentions to pursue any woman, my lord.”

“Why?” Forester asked, his eyebrows high. When his friends looked at him, he shrugged before turning back to Alexander. “You are the brother of a duke and considered far more attractive than most, if we can believe the gossip about you. Seems a waste if you keep to yourself, if you ask me.”

“I did not ask.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Alexander winced and took a step back. He doubted any of these men would do anything to him in the middle of a gentleman’s club, but he was not going to take any chances.

Harstone was the first to laugh, though he put his hand over his mouth to cover it, and the other two joined in a moment later.

“You continue to surprise me, Lord Alexander,” Calloway said. Then he sobered again. “But I need to know I can trust you around my sister. She has a good head on her shoulders, but she is more often subject to her heart.”

Did Calloway think Olivia would take an interest in Alexander beyond friendship? He hoped not. Shaking his head, Alexander moved in close and lowered his voice so no one else would overhear. “I have no plans to take a wife, even if I were to find someone as wonderful as Miss Calloway. I gave my heart away a long time ago, and it will never be returned, because she took it to her grave with her. If you will excuse me.”

Bowing his head, he passed the three men and quickly found his brother in the cardroom surrounded by other men. He was glad he did not have to search for long; time was no longer on his side. “Charles, it is time for us to leave.”

Charles huffed a laugh, his focus entirely on the man across the table from him. Alexander wasn’t certain what game they were playing, but based on the tension in Charles’s shoulders, the stakes must have been high. “I am occupied at the moment, Alexander.”

“If you could just—”

“Go away, Alex. I do not answer to you.”

A few men chuckled, though they seemed eager for either Charles or his companion to do something.

The man opposite Charles narrowed his eyes. “Do we have an agreement, Lord Charles?”

“Hardly, Stubbs. You know very well you are not going to get your money.”

“So you keep telling me, but I have a feeling my fortune will soon change.”

Alexander took a deep breath in the hopes of keeping himself calm while he waited for whatever this was to finish, but it was too late. His heart had already started pounding in his chest as a wave of emotion crashed over him. He should not have told Calloway and his friends about Juliet. Even without speaking her name, the memories of the woman he had once loved overwhelmed him.

Slinking against the wall, he shut his eyes tight and hoped the men in the room were too interested in whatever Charles was doing to pay him any attention. It had been over a year since Juliet’s death. Alexander knew he would regain control of his emotions eventually, but it had been too long since he’d last allowed himself a moment to mourn his lost love. If he held things in for too long, they were more likely to burst out of him, like now.

He pressed a hand to his chest and forced another breath, but it did nothing to help the ache he felt inside. He couldn’t stop thinking about the night he’d knelt at her bedside and watched her life slip away. How helpless he had felt, knowing there was little he could have done to save her. Even now he could see her warm brown eyes meeting his. They had been full of so much pain and fear, and he had fought for something to say to soothe her agony, when it was as if a light had been snuffed out, and she was gone.

A hand landed on Alexander’s shoulder, and he jumped, opening his eyes to find Forester standing in front of him with a sad smile.

“Having a good time?” Forester asked. While the words sounded lighthearted, his expression was anything but. “I suggest coming outside with me, Lord Alexander.”

“But Charles—” He stopped when he realized Charles was no longer at the table and the rest of the men had turned their attention elsewhere. How long had Alexander been lost in his corner?

“Harstone has your brother,” Forester said. “And Calloway offered to assist the duke to his carriage.”

“Why?” And why was Forester looking at him like he knew exactly what he was feeling?

“To give you some room to breathe, Lord Alexander. Come.”

With his hand still on Alexander’s shoulder, Forester guided him out of the room and did not stop until they were out in the cool morning air. Though the storm had ended late last night, the air was still thick with moisture. But Alexander could breathe again. He sucked in as much air as he could, as if he had gone hours without breathing.

“That’s it,” Forester murmured, watching him closely.

Horses and coaches and people filled St. James’s Street in front of them, and Alexander knew he needed to gain control over himself before too many people took notice of him, but he couldn’t manage to calm his racing heart.

Forester patted him on the back. “Strange how something so mindless can suddenly become difficult, isn’t it? Keep breathing, and the rest will come.”

Alexander knew this, but he appreciated knowing he was not alone in getting overwhelmed like this. “How?” he asked, unsure what exactly he was asking.

But Forester smiled. “Seems I am not the only one who has had his heart broken, though admittedly, you are worse off than I was. My first love chose someone else.”

“I am sorry.”

“I suppose I should consider myself fortunate in knowing I would not have been happy with her,” Forester said, watching the passersby in the street. “I cannot imagine how it feels to lose someone as entirely as you have. Who was she?”

Alexander knew Forester was not the sort of man who kept things to himself, but he was still surprised by how easily the man had admitted to his heartbreak. Alexander had never found the strength to speak of Juliet out loud before today, and he could feel the words sticking in his throat but trying to break free.

The ones that actually made it out came out strangled. “She would have been my betrothed.”

“My condolences.”

“Thank you.”

“She’s the reason you do not intend to marry?”

Nodding, Alexander folded his arms. His heart was calming, but the ache wouldn’t dissipate for a long while. It rarely did. “That loss is not something I could endure a second time.”

“Besides, you are far too busy doing your brother’s bidding.”

Alexander chuckled, feeling anything but amused. “Not by choice.”

“Why do you not leave?”

“And bring shame to one of the most powerful families in England?” Alexander shuddered. “I will not make any rash decisions without knowing I will survive the consequences.”

Forester hummed. “A logical plan.”

Alexander took a few more deep breaths, willing his mind to be rational again and stop dwelling on Juliet’s death. “Where did Lord Harstone take Charles?”

Shrugging, Forester leaned against the wall of the building behind him. “They are still in the club somewhere. Harstone is likely doing his best to change your brother’s lecherous ways.”

“I am not sure that is possible.”

“Harstone is far more persuasive than you might think.”

But Charles had never shown any signs of wanting to change, even when Alexander had suggested a different way to live. They had all been raised the same, but Alexander was grateful every day that he had learned a better way of life. He only wished he had seen the light sooner.

“Why would you help me?” Alexander asked, ducking his head.

“Because everyone needs help now and then. I was tasked with keeping you from leaving the club, but that was before I found you panicking.”

Tasked by whom? Lord Calloway? Alexander frowned. “And now?”

“Now I think there is a good deal more to you than any of us realized. I have yet to decide what that means.”

Before Alexander could inquire further, Calloway appeared from around the corner with a determined look in his eyes. “You.” He pointed at Alexander, who tensed. “You’re coming with me.”

“Changing the rules, are we?” Forester asked. “That was not part of the plan, Calloway.”

“We hardly had a plan to begin with, Forester. But those few moments I had with His Grace were enough to tell me all I needed to know.” He fixed his gaze on Alexander, his eyebrows low. “I will not pretend otherwise; I do not trust you, Lord Alexander.”

Alexander nodded. “I understand.”

“That being said, I trust your brother even less, and it is evident that he will use you to get what he wants when it comes to Olivia.”

“As I told you yesterday, I do not intend to—”

“Whatever you intend,” Calloway interrupted, “I would rather know exactly where you are at all times, for my own peace of mind. If you are not with His Grace, he cannot order you about.”

While that was true, Alexander couldn’t see a way for Calloway to do as he said. Hugh may have been on his way back home, but he would be expecting Alexander to be right behind him.

“What are you planning, Calloway?” Forester asked, raising an eyebrow.

Calloway folded his arms. “Harstone has plenty of rooms and remarkably does not have any guests in his home at the moment. You will stay with him the rest of the Season, and perhaps his influence will be good for you.”

“Hugh will never allow it,” Alexander argued without hesitation. “He will never go against Lord Harstone, but my brother hates him more than he dislikes the two of you, because Harstone’s influence over the ton is nearly unbreakable. Unless Harstone’s daughters are of marriageable age, Hugh would sooner banish me to the country estate than allow me to live elsewhere.”

Forester chuckled. He still leaned against the wall as if he had not a care in the world, and Alexander wished he could be so relaxed. He wasn’t sure he had ever been as calm as that man. “Does your brother realize he has no legal power over you?” Forester asked.

“Legal, no, but his influence over me runs deeper than my allowance or my lodgings.” If only Alexander had had the foresight to save more money over the years. He might have been able to afford a cottage for his mother and free them both from Hugh’s control. He feared he would never manage it, even with Calloway’s educational help. Turning to Lord Calloway, Alexander searched for something he could say to make the situation better. “My lord, I understand your fears, and they are perfectly warranted. My brother does not easily change his mind once he has decided he wants something. My word may mean little to you, but I would rather lose everything I have than let His Grace claim dominion over someone like Miss Calloway. I promise to do everything in my power to keep her safe, but I will need to do so from Hugh’s side of the battlefront. My brother will allow nothing else.”

Calloway’s expression turned colder, his hands curling into fists. He may have been only a baron, but in all other areas, he was a formidable foe. “And what if you became a guest in my house?”

Alexander stiffened, sensing the threat from the man’s rumbling words. But at the same time, a thrill ran through him at the prospect of being that near Olivia. “My lord?”

“I happen to agree with his confusion,” Forester threw in. “You do not trust him, but you are inviting him into your home?”

Calloway nodded curtly. “If that is the only way to take an offensive position, then yes. The closer I can keep you, Alexander, the harder it will be for you to cross me.”

“And the easier to compromise Olivia, if that is his intent,” Forester warned Calloway.

They were both correct, but Alexander couldn’t find his breath to say anything. The panic was returning, like a fist closing around his heart. The idea of putting Olivia into harm’s way or compromising her in any way made him sick to his stomach. Not only would such a thing ruin Olivia’s hopes for love, but he had seen firsthand the danger that could come from scandal. Juliet had lost her very life because of it, and fear filled his mind as he imagined what might become of Olivia were something similar to happen to her.

No matter what Calloway wanted, Alexander needed to be as far from Olivia as he could. It was already difficult enough to control his interest, and being in close proximity would only deepen his affection until he would no longer be able to hide it. And if Hugh realized there was interest, it would only fuel his own.

“Forgive me,” he said, the words coming out breathless, and he turned to leave Brooks’s—and Calloway—far behind him for as long as possible.

A hand grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. “You cannot run from your pain, Alexander,” Forester said quietly. “Believe me; I have tried.”

Alexander shook his head. Forester was right, but he still wanted to run. Swallowing hard, he fought for enough air to speak. “I am a danger to Olivia.”

“Olivia?”

“Miss... Miss Calloway.” He clenched his hands into fists, focusing on the pain of his fingernails digging into his palms. He was losing control, and that would do nothing to help his situation.

“Hmm.” Forester slowly released Alexander’s arm, though he kept his hand nearby, as if expecting him to try to run again. “Calloway may be right in thinking we need to keep you away from your brother.”

“Hugh will never allow it.”

“As you have said. But perhaps if he believes you are becoming close to the Calloway family, he will simply think you are performing your task splendidly.”

Glancing back at Lord Calloway, who was now in conversation with Lord Harstone—Charles was nowhere to be seen—Alexander considered Forester’s words. “Lord Calloway would have to pretend to like me if we are ever in proximity with His Grace,” he mused out loud. It did not mean Alexander would agree, but perhaps Forester was right.

Forester chuckled. “He can do that.”

“Can he?” Alexander wasn’t so sure, especially when Calloway threw a scowl in his direction.

“Calloway will play his part if you agree to this, and something tells me you should agree if you want any hope of living your own life. The Rowdy Duke will never lengthen that rope he has around you unless you make it happen.”

That much was true, though Alexander had never thought he would have any opportunity to gain some autonomy. Not before meeting Olivia and her brother. Hopefully he would be able to convince Hugh to look elsewhere for a wife, but regardless, living with Lord Calloway and his family could offer a freedom Alexander had only ever dreamed of. Plus, it would make learning from Calloway so much easier if he could observe his business practices more often.

For the first time in his life, he felt a small sense of hope inside his chest, making space for him to breathe.

The only problem Alexander saw with this new situation was his growing affection for Olivia. Falling for her was unwise, for both their sakes. “Miss Calloway wishes to be my friend,” he said, hoping he was not making a mistake by confiding in Forester. “I fear Lord Calloway will see that friendship as more than it is and regret his invitation.”

Forester grinned, looking back at Calloway and Harstone with a knowing glint in his eyes. “Let me deal with Calloway and his regrets. Personally, I think a friendship with Miss Calloway could be good for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are a broken man, Alexander, and Olivia has the biggest heart I know, much like her brother. She will be able to fix you if you give her the chance.”

Placing a hand over his still-aching heart, Alexander contemplated that. She had already woken him from the dark slumber that had plagued him since Juliet’s death, something he had thought would be impossible. Perhaps Forester was right. Perhaps Olivia could help him find happiness again, even if that happiness wouldn’t include her in the end.

“Well?” Forester asked, putting a hand on Alexander’s shoulder.

Alexander let out a long breath, hoping he was not about to make a mistake. If nothing else, he would have three powerful gentlemen nearby to keep him from accidentally causing Olivia any harm. He still thought it was a bad idea, but he held his head high as he stepped back up to Lord Calloway and held out his hand.

“If the invitation still stands,” he said, hating the uncertainty in his voice, “and if you think it will keep Miss Calloway safe, then I would be honored to be your guest.”

Though Lord Calloway narrowed his eyes, he grasped Alexander’s hand and gripped it tightly. “I will be watching you, Alexander Bailey,” he said gruffly.

Alexander nodded once. “Good.”