Page 85 of Necessary Time

“My age. My experience.” I waved him off, frustrated and near tears. “You think this is just a phase and it’s not. At least, it’s not for me. I was here tonight, ready to tell you that I’m in love with you, that I wanted to... Ugh! Never mind.”

“You what?” A flicker of hope colored Colin’s voice, but I was too angry to let it soften the edges of anything I had left to say.

“That I’m in love with you.” I repeated, letting my arms fall at my sides. “That I love you.”

“Wesley.”

I hated the way my name sounded like an apology coming out of his mouth.

“It’s fine.” I waved a dismissive hand toward him, blinking back tears. I hoped the patio was dark enough he wouldn’t be able to see the tracks on my cheeks. “I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“Wesley, that’s not…”

That time my name sounded like a wound.

“Colin, I’m sorry that things didn’t go well with your parents, but that doesn’t have anything to do with whether I want to tell my brother about us or not,” I pointed out.

“I know.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“I know.” He stood up, coming closer. I tilted my head back so I could hold eye contact with him, even though I wouldn’t have been against the cobblestone patio swallowing me whole. That close, I knew he’d be able to tell that I was crying.

He took my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the slickness off my cheeks, but that only made me cry harder and more. I shook my head, hoping he’d let me go, but he didn’t. He pressed our foreheads together, and I could taste the wine on his breath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, dragging his lips across mine. Back and forth, each time with an apology. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Wesley.”

“I’m in love with you,” I whimpered, hating myself for it.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

Colin slanted our mouths together, his tongue licking its way past the seam of my lips. There were tears there too, and I wondered if he could taste them as he kissed the apprehension and the fight right out of me.

“I don’t want your brother to have an issue with us being together, and we both know he will,” Colin said, peppering kisses against the corner of my mouth, my chin, my cheeks. “I don’t think that I’m a phase for you, but I want to make sure you know what’s at stake before you tell him about us.”

“It’s not just me,” I whispered, the stream of tears finally slowing. “He’s your friend too.”

“I’m prepared to handle whatever he has for me,” Colin assured me. “I just want you to be sure that you are too.”

I kissed him then, moaning at the way he parted his lips and yielded to me. All of the tension from the argument washed away as our tongues softly danced in our mouths.

“You’re not a phase,” I promised, pulling back enough so I could look up into his eyes. His expression didn’t read like he believed me, but I could tell that he wanted to, and I needed that to be enough.

“Okay,” he conceded.

“We don’t have to tell my brother yet.”

It was the least I could give him, considering how things had gone with his parents, and I didn’t really see the harm in keeping our secret for a little longer.

I wanted to tell Hendrix because I was tired of hiding. Because I wanted Colin to know how much he meant to me, and I wanted the rest of the world to know it too. But everyone else knowing wouldn’t change how I felt, so it was fine to keep it between us.

At least for a little while longer.

“Tell me again,” he whispered, arms tightening around me. He wasn’t hard, but his cock burned hot, and it was impossible to not think about the other part of what I’d wanted to say to him tonight…the thing I’d wanted to do.

“I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered, absolutely unbothered that he hadn’t said it in return. My love for him wasn’t reliant on his feelings for me, so I didn’t even ask him to say it back. I knew he’d tell me if and when he wanted. Colin would tell me when he was certain, and I loved that about him: his attention and the meticulous way he wanted to be sure about things before committing.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized for the hundredth time. “For earlier, for all of it.”