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“No,” she says, grabbing my hand and looking at me with her eyes slightly watery. “You can act your age and go out with boys. I was just stressed out about work and money and took it out on you. I’m so sorry for that, honey. Can you forgive me?”
I nod my head and give her a small smile. “Of course,” I say, holding up my thumb and pointer finger and almost pinching them together. “I thought you were overreacting a little.” We laughed, and she put her hand over her mouth to keep her laughter in check. I don’t know why she always does that. She has one of those laughs that makes you want to laugh along with her.
“But really, Mom, if you need money, let me help you. The money I make at Steamy Bean Cafe can really help us out.”
“No way,” she says, letting her pride get in the way. “I’m the mother, and I can support us on my own. I want you to save that money for your future or go shopping for once in your life without me having to make you. When was the last time you went to the mall?” she asks.
“Ugh, Mom. You know there are a million other things I’d rather do.” Like going to the bookstore, we both think but don’t say. She gives me a knowing look, but thankfully she changes the subject.
Sadly, she brings up Jaxon instead.
“How did your date with Jaxon go?”
I can tell that my mom sees me stiffen because of the look on her face. “What?” she asks. “I thought you and him were friends…”
“We were. Not anymore,” I say, hoping she won’t ask me anything else about it. But things don’t always go my way when my mom is as nagging as she is.
“What happened? I was starting to like that boy,” she says, which really surprises me. I thought my mom would be mad at Jaxon because I was late to see Maisie. It makes sense that she likes him now that I’ve decided not to see him.
“He lied to me,” I say quickly. I can feel the familiar tightness behind my eyes, which means I’m about to cry. A few blinks in my eyes make the tears that were about to fall go away. I don’t want to cry anymore.
My mom takes us to the soft brown couch where we’ve had more talks than I can count. I sit down in my usual corner, and she sits next to me. “What did he lie to you about?” my mom asks, and I can tell she’s a little angry. She seems calm, but I know from living with her for years that the thought of a guy hurting her daughter makes her motherly instincts kick in.
I cross my arms over my chest and don’t look him in the eye. “It doesn’t matter. He lied, and I don’t believe him anymore.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. Guys like him can be jerks sometimes. I really thought he cared about you, but he wouldn’t have seen other girls if he really cared about you,” she says, her voice full of sadness. My face naturally scrunches up as I turn my head to look at her. Other girls? What is she saying?
I say, “What?” to echo what I’m thinking.
“Oh,” my mom says with a sigh of relief. “When you said he lied to you, I thought you meant he was cheating on you with someone else.”
I mumble, “He can’t cheat if we weren’t together.” That’s true; we weren’t “dating,” so he wouldn’t have been lying if he chose to spend time with other girls because we never talked about that. I don’t like the idea of Jaxon being with any other girl besides me, and it makes me sad to think about it. What is wrong with me? He’s a real werewolf!
I look at my mom and say, “And besides, it doesn’t matter. I’m never talking to him again.” She just smiles at me and pats my knee.
“Okay, if that’s how you feel.” She keeps giving me that look, the one that says, “Stop lying to yourself.”
I can tell she’s teasing me, and I don’t like it. I don’t get why she thinks she knows what’s going on. She always thinks I’m overreacting after I tell her very little.
“Stop, Mom. I’m serious!” I say in a voice that is a little louder. She keeps giving me the same look and shaking her head.
“Calla, I saw how you two were looking at each other when he came over. You couldn’t stop staring at each other. I know you didn’t notice it, but every time you looked away, he would look at you like you could do no wrong. I’ve never met a guy who looks at me that way, and I’m so glad you found him. Don’t throw it away just because you’re scared.”
The last comment makes my eyes get really big. How does she know I’m afraid? Is it that clear?
She laughs at how shocked I look. “Calla, I can read you like an open book. Yes, it’s very clear that you’re afraid of being in a relationship and letting someone get that close to you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed all the guys who have tried and failed to get a date with you. You always say no. Say yes this time and stop making excuses for why you two can’t be together,” she says, then she looks at her watch to see what time it is. She jumps up right away and goes to the door.
“Got to go, honey. Maisie’s playdate is almost over.” She kisses me on the head quickly and then leaves our house, leaving me with her words ringing in my head. Is that what I’ve been up to? Pushing Jaxon away? He is a werewolf! I think it’s safe to say that things would never work out between us.
But the more I think about him, the more I remember how kind and sweet he was to me. I know in my heart that he would never hurt me. But my brain is a pain and won’t stop thinking about how he might lose control and turn into a wolf. I’ve read books about fantasy. A lot of werewolf books have the main character getting hurt by her werewolf boyfriend, even if it was on purpose. I worry that something like that could happen to me.
Also, Jaxon is an Alpha werewolf, which means he is the leader of a big pack of werewolves. What would that mean for me? I’m a person, and I’m weak and frail compared to his strong form. What could I possibly add? And to make things worse, why would he want me with him? Skyler says we’re meant to be together, but what does that mean? It sounds to me like he has to be with me, the person. Shouldn’t he find another werewolf girl to be with him, love him no matter what, and help him lead his pack?
The idea of Jaxon being with someone else makes me shiver, and not in a good way. What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to be with him, but I also don’t want him to be with anyone else.
When will I stop being dishonest with myself?
***********
The weekend went by very slowly. I got texts from Jaxon, Skyler, Felix, and Elise all weekend long, but I decided not to use my phone, so I didn’t even stop to read them. I spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday thinking about what I had learned and spending time with Mom and Maisie. We all ate together and watched more movies than I want to admit. I know they were all kids’ movies, but I still really liked Frozen and Tarzan.
I’m nervous about going to class on Monday. I know that Skyler and I have psychology together, and he will want me to talk to him. I’m scared to see him after what I found out, but I won’t skip class to avoid him. Damn, my perfect attendance record!
After I make breakfast for myself, I get dressed and go to the Cafe to get a big cup of coffee. That part of my life hasn’t changed, at least. After that, I go to the Psychology building. I stand in front of the building’s main doors, wondering how our talk will go. Will he be angry that I didn’t answer his texts all weekend? Will he be glad to see me?
I feel a hand on my shoulder before I can even reach for the door handle. It scares the daylights out of me. I flinch right away because the memories from the other night are still fresh in my mind. When I see that it’s Felix who came up to me, I’m still scared.
I don’t like that there’s something different about him that’s making me feel uneasy. I could never figure out what it was before, but now that I see him with his almost-white hair and sharp features, I suddenly think he might be a werewolf or a vampire. He got a little aggressive at the club when he grabbed me, and he did act weird. His morals are, at best, questionable, and he always shows up at the strangest times. But I can’t just say he’s a supernatural being; what if he’s just a regular person like me?
“Calla, where the hell have you been?” he yells at me, and some other students on their way to class look over. I usually get nervous when people pay attention to me, but this time I get angry. Who does he think he is yelling at me and hitting me before class? I had every right to be angry with him!
He says, “You left the club, I texted you all weekend, and now you show up on campus with a bruised face!” His anger is rising. But now I can tell that he’s worried too. I guess he was worried about me when I disappeared. That doesn’t change how he acted at the bar.
“I’m fine, Felix. You don’t have the right to talk to me like that. What you did at Nectar Noir was completely wrong.” I try to open the door, but he steps in front of me and blocks it. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I just had to know. It was very important.”
“Why did you need to know if I knew Jaxon? Why was that little piece of information so important that you had to grab my wrist like that?” I ask, cutting him off from whatever crap he was about to tell me.
Felix thinks about what he wants to say to me for a few moments before sighing. “I can’t tell you.”
As I let out a chuff of air, my jaw relaxes. I shake my head back and forth and slowly cross my arms over my chest. “You can’t tell me? Okay, then get out of my way,” I say with a straight face.
“Calla, you have to know how sorry I am—”
“Get. Out. Of. My Way.” I say each word slowly and clearly to show how serious I am. As the seconds go by, I feel more and more scared. Felix is getting mad again, and his breathing is getting faster too. I’m trying to act tough, but I’m really scared that he’ll get mad. I don’t know Felix very well, and even if he’s not a supernatural being, he can still hurt me.
“Calla, I’m not going anywhere until you listen to me. You need to understand—”
I stopped him. “Get out of my way, Felix. I don’t need to know anything.” My voice shakes, but I stay strong. Felix doesn’t move to leave, and I’m afraid he won’t let me go to class until I do what he says. I don’t want to hear him out right now, especially since he’s acting so strangely. There are other students nearby who are watching us, but none of them do anything to help me. They all just stand there and watch us argue like it’s a movie scene.