Page 16

“Oh my god. I’m dead. Jaxon, she’s so angry with me!”
Right now, Jaxon is speeding through the empty streets to get me home to my mom, who has been calling me for the past hour. I lost track of time because I had such a great day with Jaxon. It’s 8:30 right now, and my mom is supposed to start work in thirty minutes. It takes about thirty minutes to get to the airport from my house, so she will probably be late.
I’m such an idiot! I forgot that she wanted me to watch Maisie tonight. I don’t usually have plans or work on Monday nights, so I didn’t think much of it and figured I would be there to take care of my sister. I didn’t think about this amazing surprise date that Jaxon had set up.
“Shit!” I sit bent over with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. This is the worst I’ve ever messed up. If my mom misses work, she might get into a lot of trouble with the airline. As soon as I got her messages, I called her. She yelled at me on the phone, asking why I hadn’t answered her. Of course I said I was sorry, but she just told me in a stern voice to get home before she “grounds me for life.”
I know I’m 18 and an adult, but I’m still living at home while I go to college. The rules are “her house, her rules.” She pays for my food and shelter, and I work to get extra school supplies and spending money.
Jaxon says, “She’ll be mad at first, but she’ll forgive you.” He is still holding my hand, which is a little sweaty. I can feel my heart racing as I think about how angry she’ll be with me. My mom and I don’t argue. Never. We don’t always agree, but we’ve always respected each other and never had any big fights. She hasn’t done anything but yell at me since my dad died.
“No, you don’t get it. She could lose her job! I had one job. I had to watch my sister so my mom could work to pay for food. I’m so selfish.” I rubbed my temples and tried not to cry. I could feel the pressure behind my eyes, but I ignored it as I beat myself up more.
“She’ll be on time. The weather will delay the flight. And look, we’re almost on your street,” he says with hope.
When I looked up, I could only see Jaxon. It was raining so hard that I didn’t know how Jaxon could see two feet in front of him. The heavy rain hit the car, so instead of a tense silence, I heard the sound of water hitting his car from different angles. As he turns, I can barely see my house as he pulls into my driveway.
I say thank you quickly and get out of the car. Then I run through the puddles in my front yard. I knock on the front door and hope my mom will answer before the storm kills me. By the time she opens the door, I’m shaking like a leaf. She sees me shaking and opens her mouth, but then quickly closes it and frowns as she lets me in.
My mom is already dressed for work and has her purse on her shoulder and her car keys in her hand. When she’s mad, her frown lines and light wrinkles stand out more, making her look older. And she’s really angry right now.
“I was going to ask why you forgot your duties to this family, but now I see why. It’s him.” She stares at the driveway where Jaxon’s car is parked. He didn’t leave the driveway until I was inside.
“Mom, it’s not his fault. He was so nice today, so don’t blame him.” I defend him and try to keep Jaxon on my mom’s good side. If my mom didn’t like him… That would lead to a lot of problems.
“You’re never going to forget! And when you meet him, you stop spending time with your family and forget about your job at home. You’re distracted. He’s not a good influence on you. Look at what you’re wearing! His clothes, Calla Dalton!” she yells, taking a step toward me. Tears fill my eyes as I listen to her. She has to realize that this was an accident! I would never intentionally make her late for work or ignore my family!
She opens the velcro on her umbrella and heads for the door before I can even say anything. “I’m really late. I can’t talk to you right now. We’ll talk about this later.”
I jump when she slams the door. I lock the door behind her and watch through the peephole as she angrily gets into her car and drives away. I’m a little worried about her driving in this weather. Her boss should think she’s late because of the storm.
I walk over to the brown couch in the living room and see Maisie fast asleep. The colors of the TV show Finding Nemo on the wall reflect off of her sleeping body. I turn off the TV, pick her up, and take her to bed. When I get to her room, I’m out of breath, which is a sign that I should probably go to the gym. But I won’t.
I drag my feet to my room after putting Maisie to bed and plop down on my bed. I look at my phone and see that Jaxon texted me three times, asking me to call him when I can. I send him a quick text to let him know I’m okay, even though I’m not. He tries to get me to tell him things, but I just say I’m tired and not in the mood. I feel bad for ignoring him after our amazing date, but I just want to be alone and wallow in my own misery.
Jaxon tries to call me, but I put my phone on silent and sink into my mattress. I hope my mom can forgive me for what I did wrong tomorrow.
******
This week, Jaxon texted me every day to see how I was doing. He was very nice to think of me after the terrible fight with my mom. He kept telling me that she would say sorry and things would go back to normal.
I can say that things haven’t gone back to normal four days later. I haven’t heard from my mom all week. She went to sleep before I could see her when she got home from work very early on Tuesday morning. She usually left funny notes for me to read on the counter in the morning, but that morning there was nothing there. That morning, I took Maisie to school and then went to class right away. My mom wasn’t home when I got home.
The rest of the week went the same way, and I didn’t see her for more than five minutes. When we did talk, she was very short with me and kept glaring at me, making it clear that she was upset. I decided to leave her alone. I already said I’m sorry, so now I think it’s time for my mom to understand that she overreacted. I’m nice, but I’m not a pushover. I won’t keep saying I’m sorry for something that was an accident.
I finally made it to the end of the week, which has been the longest one of my life. I had a nice, quiet morning at home by myself before heading to my ethics class. I had time to stop for coffee on the way. I have ten minutes to spare when I get to my Ethics class. I look through the rows until I see a head of platinum hair and walk over to it. When I finally sit down next to Felix, he stops reading and gives me a big smile. I try to smile back at him, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. Felix looks unhappy.
He leans forward and asks, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, trying to sound normal. But it comes out short and sad.
“What’s wrong? You don’t sound okay.”
“It’s nothing. I just had a fight with my mom and we haven’t talked since. It’s upsetting.” I rub my face with my hands and smile on purpose. “It’s fine,” I say again when Felix still looks worried.
“What’s not fine, though, is what happened last week. I don’t have your number, so I couldn’t apologize, but I really wanted to. I shouldn’t have invited Skyler without asking you first! It was dumb and selfish, and it probably made you feel really bad. I’m sorry,” I say, taking a deep breath after my long apology.
Felix raises his eyebrows and puts his hand over mine, which is resting on the arm of the chair between us. “Calla, you don’t need to say sorry. I was the one who left so quickly.”
I nodded, and for the first time that day, I smiled. “I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”
He laughs and then slowly pulls his hand away from mine as he takes his notebook out of his bag to get ready for the lecture. “But there is something you can do to make it up to me.”
I couldn’t breathe when I looked Felix in the eyes. The way he’s talking to me makes me think there is a spark of something in his eyes.
“Um… Sure. What is it?” I say.
“You have to go out with me. It’s easy.”
My eyes pop out of their sockets. I choke on my spit and start to cough a lot because I am so shocked by what he said. Go out with him? Going out? What would Jaxon say?
Felix pats my back to help me get some air back so I can breathe normally. The coughing fit gives me a few more seconds to think about what to say. I drink some of my leftover coffee to clear my throat after I stop coughing.
“Do you want me to go out with you? Just the two of us?”
I think Felix could tell I was nervous, so he quickly changed his request.
“No! Not just the two of us. Elise is making me go to this new 18+ bar. She says it’s ‘all the rage.’ I don’t want to go alone. Will you come?” He looks both hopeful and desperate at the same time. He keeps looking at me with his eyes, and he pouts his lip and bats his lashes quickly. He has that full-on puppy-dog look that makes it very hard to say no.
“…I don’t know,” I said, not sure how to answer. “Bars aren’t really my thing…” which is completely true. It may sound strange, but one of my favorite things to do is sit on my window bench and read. I can sit there for hours and flip through pages and pages, going to different places and meeting different kinds of people, all from the comfort of my own bedroom. Those places and people are made up, but I like it that way. You close the book and eat pizza rolls instead if a character bothers you.
“Please?” Felix begs. He takes my hand and squeezes it hard. “I don’t want to go with Elise by myself. I would feel a lot better if you were there too.”
I look at Felix and then down at our hands. I shake my head slowly and then let out a breath. “When were you planning to leave?” I ask.
Felix’s face lights up with a big smile. “Tonight. And it would only be for a few hours. I could pick you up at nine?”
I don’t know Felix very well. I don’t know his sister very well either. Felix, on the other hand, looks at me like I’m his best friend or something. He really wants me to go with him. I want to say no right away. I should say no and stay home to try to work things out with my mom. Her magnetic calendar on the fridge says she doesn’t have to work tonight, so now is the time to get over this dumb fight.
But isn’t this what college is all about? Going to bars, meeting new people, and being social on Friday nights? I can’t stay home all the time.
And with all those thoughts fighting in my head, I do something I probably shouldn’t do.
I agree.
I silently cursed the gods for making me go out with Felix and Elise tonight. Why do I put myself through this? I am too nice for my own good.