Page 29 of My Broken Mate

I don’t know how long I spend on the floor of the corridor, but I lose track of time completely, and eventually feel my heart rate coming down again, the shivering of my body stopping.

“Fuck,” I mutter, brushing over my sweaty hair. For a moment, I just lean against the wall, trying to grasp my own thoughts.

I haven’t had a panic attack for over a year… actually, the last one was shortly after I found out I couldn’t shift.

Why did it return now?

I have no idea what triggered it, but at least my brothers didn’t notice.

I carefully get up on my feet, glancing at the clock just to see that a few hours have flown by. I barely have time to shower, freshen up and grab my stuff to hurry to meet Katalina. At least I don’t need to figure out what to do with my time now.

I can’t help the bitterness I feel at that thought, but I don’t want to throw a pity party.

At least I’m alive. I should consider myself lucky, I guess.

*KAT*

“These look good, Kata,” Eve praises me while he helps me draw some faces onto the cookies I baked. I invited Remy to our pack for our first tutoring lesson. I’m now fully on board with this. Not because Remy is supposedly cute, but because I want to give this a shot. I know I’m dumb as fuck, and even now, when baking the cookies, it takes me three tries because, in my clumsiness, I dropped the ingredients twice, but I don’t want anyone to tell me I didn’t give this any effort.

“You think so?” I ask.

“Yes,” he nods his approval while drawing little creepy faces. As usual, he can’t get out of his skin. Everything that he applies some art to has his signature touch of creepy horror-themed nightmares.

I laugh. “What are you doing? You are giving them all creepy Chucky faces. This is going to scare Remy.”

“I bet he will find them cool,” Eve says.

I roll my eyes but let him do as he pleases while I try to counterattack his creepy cookies with cute ones. “Eve,” I start after a while. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you sometimes dream about your mate?” I ask.

He looks surprised. “This was an out-of-the-blue question now…”

“It’s just… most people I know constantly talk about finding their mates, but we don’t.”

“Are you?” he asks. “Dreaming about finding your mate?”

I feel my cheeks flush. “Yes. I know it can take a while for me to find him, but… I do dream about it sometimes.”

He sighs. “I like being alone,” he admits. “I… It’s not like I don’t want my mate. It’s just, I really like being on my own and living my life.”

“And Joel?” I ask.

“I don’t know, it’s a sore topic,” he admits.

“How come?” I ask, surprised. Joel is one of the most laid-back men I know. I can’t imagine anything being a sore topic for him.

“I honestly don’t know,” Eve says. “I asked him about it once, and he got really defensive. He is not the type to lash out at someone, so when he did, I decided it was better not to push him. I dropped the topic and never mentioned it again.” He smiles. “It’s normal to want your mate, Kata. Don’t worry too much because Joel and I are so weird about it. There are a lot of things you can follow us for, but I think in this case it’s better to make your own decisions.”

“I think I understand,” I say. “Do you mind if I talk about it?” I ask. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Katalina,” Eve says quietly. “You can talk to us about anything. Just because Joel and I don’t want to talk about our potential mates, it doesn’t mean you need to hide the topic. We will support you, always.”

I let his words sink in for a while. I can talk about everything with them, he just said, yet there is one secret I can’t talk to them about. I had sworn to myself years ago that I would take it to my grave and never burden them with it.

Because the silence stretches too long, I reassure Eve before he can get suspicious. “Thank you,” I say, while finishing the last cookie. “And done.”