Page 32

Why is it so cold? Searching for warmth, I attempt to turn over, but my body feels heavy and unresponsive; my arms and legs are completely immobilized.

I slowly open my eyes and the darkness envelops me, a thick blanket of blackness that seems to suffocate my every thought. It takes my eyes what feels like an eternity to adjust. Confined firmly, my wrists are bound together with zip ties, and the same with my ankles, leaving me helpless. A suffocating fabric also surrounds my mouth, what is this? What is happening? Where am I?

Panic rises within me like a tidal wave, but I force myself to breathe slowly, is this how I’m going to die? Cold and alone?

Tears escape my eyes, as the overwhelming sensation of terror crashes over me. Fear constricts my throat, making it difficult to swallow, but I can’t give up. I’m stronger than this, but I’m failing to control my thoughts, and my mind keeps going over the conversation I had with my dad. The tears roll faster for my mom, she didn’t deserve it, not her, not my mom.

I shake myself to remove all the swirling thoughts in my mind, drawing strength from the memory of my mom. This can’t be how my story ends; I refuse to let it. I have to push through this for her sake.

As I struggle against the restraints, I realize, with a flicker of hope, that only my wrists are bound, and I manage to lift my arms. With determination, I reach up to try and loosen whatever is wrapped around my mouth. It takes a few attempts, but finally, I feel the fabric give way and the rush of air fills my lungs now. My mouth is parched and the lingering taste of cotton clings to my tongue. At least I can breathe a little easier.

I turn my attention to the zip ties. I attempt to search around for something sharp, but the darkness makes it impossible to see. There is no light shining in from anywhere. I can’t even make out a shadow.

With only my own stubbornness fueling me, I swing myself onto my back, why is it colder in this position? Feeling totally exhausted and overwhelmed, I want to give up. I don’t know if I can do this.

In an attempt to banish the unwanted feelings, I close my eyes, hoping to distract myself with good memories. When I dig deep, images of me as a child and my mom cleaning me up after I fell off my bike, flash into my head. I must have been about six or seven at the time.

Solely focusing on the words my mom said to me, ‘Never give up, in this world you can only rely on yourself, pick yourself up and keep trying.’ And she's right, I can’t give up; I have got to keep trying.

First, I attempt to bite through the zip tie, but soon discover that to be useless. I continue to burrow into the last of my resolve, and yank my wrists apart, and with utter amazement, it snaps. The ties cut deep into my skin and blood drips from the cuts, but despite that, I continue on and I use my hands to pull myself up into a sitting position. With my wrists free, I start working on freeing my ankles, but it's easier said than done, they don’t budge. I attempt several more times, but I’m running out of energy.

I try to keep encouraging myself, but with each attempt, I start losing faith. I don’t want to give up, but what other choice do I have? Every time I get the slight glimmer of hope, it gets diminished immediately.

A heavy fog of my own self-pity overwhelms me and I sit engulfed, ready to give up, when a ray of light breaks through the darkness. It’s faint and fragile, yet it glimmers with the promise of hope. So, with trembling hands I pull myself toward it. My heart racing with anticipation as I manage to inch forward, but as soon as I reach halfway, the light flickers and vanishes, swallowed by the darkness once more. A wave of dread crashes over me, but I refuse to succumb to it, perhaps that light didn’t just appear by chance, it might return.

I muster all my strength and continue dragging myself forward and after what feels like a lifetime, my fingers brush against something solid, a door?