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Gazing into the mirror once more, I can't shake the feeling that this is the only thing I've done all day.

I find myself wondering why, today more than ever, I'm so preoccupied with my appearance.

It’s just a funeral for a family friend.

But I can’t settle the anxiety eating away at me.

No matter how hard I try, a sense of uncertainty clouds my thoughts.

It might be due to the fact I’m at my parents’ house getting ready and not at my apartment.

It transports me back to my youth.

Huffing at my own annoyance, I swallow down my unease.

I decide to stick with my current outfit.

It’s a black dress that comes to the top of my knees, and the front is covered with a thin layer of lace.

I’m debating whether to pair it with my black Louboutin's, but I will feel a lot more relaxed wearing my Docs, so Docs it is.

Grabbing a pair of matching black lace knee high socks from the top of my overnight bag, I smile to myself.

I’m going to look like I’m going to a rock concert rather than a funeral.

Not that I have ever been to a rock concert, nope, not in my whole twenty-nine years.

Maybe one day.

I only took select items from my apartment, but my mom hasn’t changed anything in my room since I moved out.

I’m so glad all my old clothes and some of my personal things are still here.

I sit down at the dresser, and make a start on minimal makeup, just a tiny bit of blush and some mascara.

I haven't found a good eyeshadow that I like that matches my chestnut eyes, or maybe it’s just that I don’t like wearing makeup.

After pulling all the old brown hairs out of my brush, I brush it through my strands.

I’m going to keep my hair down and just curl the ends a bit.

I hope it will give it some texture, so it's not the flat mess it usually is.

After putting my socks and Docs on, I’m content with my appearance.

I start to head downstairs to see if my parents are ready.

Stiffening, an unknown noise stops me.

What is that? Still frozen, I wait to see if I can hear it again.

Within a few seconds the noise comes back, except only louder this time.

It’s like a grunting noise, or moaning.

I think? I don’t move for a couple more minutes, trying to figure where it’s coming from, then I hear it again.

It’s coming from Jack's room.

I head toward his door, and as I get closer, the noise becomes louder.

It’s definitely moans, well, moans and grunts.

What is he doing? Does he need help? Is he struggling with his tie or something? Should I help him? As I go to push down on the handle, I hear it...as clear as anything; I hear...my name...he was moaning my name…realization hits.

Jack was in his bedroom jerking himself off and moaning my name...my name.

Oh my God it can’t be, can it...but…I’m frozen in place, for what feels like forever, my mind working overtime.

Without warning, the door flies open, Jack appears in the doorway looking startled once he notices my presence.

He’s wearing black suit trousers, a white shirt with the sleeves folded up to his elbows, and no tie.

The two top buttons are opened, his chest hair slightly peeking through.

His ash blond hair is slicked back to the side, just like he always wears it, and his blue eyes hide behind aviator style sunglasses.

He smells of black pepper, a weird smell, I know.

Yet, it’s how he has always smelled to me.

Why does he always look so goddamn hot? He always takes my breath away.

“Shit...oh! Raine, we're not late, are we?” I stand with my eyes locked on his, not knowing how to reply.

I manage to hold a straight face as he walks straight past me and heads downstairs.

His arm brushes mine lightly as he passes, my breath catches as palpitations threaten to take over.

Seriously! What was that?

I internally debate with myself on what I heard.

I shake off my unease, pulling myself out of my confusion and follow him downstairs, contemplating whether to say something to him or not.

By the time I get to the bottom of the stairs, he’s standing with Mom in the hallway getting ready to walk out the door.

Unwilling to stir up old feelings, I decide to keep it to myself for now and quietly follow them out to the car.

Why do people even bother to drive in this town? I don't see the point; everything is so close together.

I don’t expect it to be a long car ride, so I sit quietly, going over the encounter in my head.

I had been in love with Jack for so long, ever since we were kids; long before he came to live with us just before his mom's death.

If I’m not mistaken, his mom had started heavily drinking, and the state took her children away.

I’m sure his little sister went to her dad’s, but Jack’s dad was nothing but a deadbeat, so my parents took him in.

We were only fourteen at the time and I tried my hardest to be there for him.

But he was always cold with me, never letting me get close.

He always said he wasn’t interested in me in that way, pushing me further away.

My feelings were never reciprocated.

It was a lonely feeling, and it started to drive me a little crazy.

But I slowly moved on, burying my feelings.

After what I just heard, or what I thought I just heard, he must have some sort of feelings for me, right? I’m seriously at odds with myself.

I should just forget what I heard, and bottle my feelings back up.

Otherwise all the old feelings I had will come flooding back.

I don’t think I can handle that right now.

Yet, my mind doesn’t falter.

The more I contemplate, the more agitated I get.

And, thank God we have arrived, because I’m in serious need of some air right now.

Once the car slows to a stop, I jump out and lean my head back, taking in several deep breaths.

Trying not to look like a complete idiot, I quickly straighten up and check my surroundings; thankful that no one was looking.

Everyone is too busy shaking hands and offering condolences to the family of the deceased.

Harry, I think his name was, though I can’t be certain.

He was a friend of my parents and they had known each other since they were kids.

He didn’t have any children of his own, and my parents had not been remarkably close with him over the last few years, so I never knew him personally.

As I stand waiting, I take in my surroundings.

It’s so beautiful here, almost surreal.

It’s a big white house-like building that has at least two floors that I can see.

Black shutters cover all the closed windows, and ivy winds around the front of the building.

I love it.

It has my dream house vibe to it.

But, it’s the garden that truly catches my breath.

It’s filled with large sunflowers, some of the largest that I have ever seen.

They are absolutely stunning.

Nature's aroma takes over my senses as I stand absorbing every last detail of the garden.

I wish I could stay here all day just observing it all.

I could skip the funeral and stay here.

No one would mind, would they? I could imagine myself living here, among the sunflowers.

Waking up every morning to all of this would be heaven; a dream come true.

Reaching my arm out, ready to touch one of the larger sunflowers, a voice behind me startles me and I nearly jump out of my skin.

Looking around, I sigh in relief; it’s just my mom to tell me that it’s time to go inside for the service.

Not ready to leave, I take one last glance around me, taking it all in before reluctantly heading inside.