Page 77 of Moonlight Hearts

“I’m going to bed.Do you want to come with me?”

His breath rushed between us.“Yes.”

It was him taking my hand now, his skin warm and soft against my own.He walked with me, outwardly calm, though there was an intensity to him, like embers still glowing red under their cloak of ash.He watched my every move still, even if I wasn’t doing anything that I thought required that much attention, but this was Soyer.He saw things differently than I did.

In our bedroom, his grip on my hand tightened.“I’d like to hold you.Can I, Amory?”

“Yes, sure.”

Before I could turn to him, he put his arms around me, hugging me from behind.His hold was tight, which surprised me enough that I made a squeaky sound.

“I love you.I love you so much, my heart.Tell me what you want.”

“You.”

“Yes.Tell me what else.”

His arms pressed me closer to him.It bordered on uncomfortable, but as if I were the mind reader between the two of us, I gleaned why he was doing it; to get close, as close as two distinct entities could be outside of sex.While we were still fully dressed, this was closer to sex than a simple kiss or even an intimate touch.

“I…I don’t know enough.Will you show me what you enjoy?Do what you like?”

“Ah.There you are.You want to give me everything and thus make me choose restraint in the taking, again and again.”

“But I want to give you everything, Soyer.Don’t you know that?”

“I do know that, but don’t you know that I cannot love you selfishly?”

I gasped, the thought cracking open a truth like water and sun might crack a flower’s seed.

This was love.I’d told him at first that I didn’t know if I loved him, had gotten used to saying it because it had started to feel real.The firebird on my skin made it real, at least for me.

But this was the truth of it.I wouldn’t have known by myself.I didn’t really understand even now, but I thought I was getting the outline of the concept of this kind of love: total and all-encompassing, yet gentle as rain on heated skin.

“You’re saying I can’t give you everything?”

“That’s right.”

I sagged against him, and he was holding me effortlessly.“But Iwantto give you everything.”

“I know.But I won’t let you.Can’t.Come, my love, let me lay you down and make love to you, hmm?I’ll be gentle.I’ll hold you.Come.”

“Yes, please.”

Soyer deadlifted me, and it didn’t seem like that much of an effort for him.He was careful about putting me on the bed, making sure he didn’t just toss me.He cherished me.It felt unreal.

“Ah, what gears have I set spinning in your head, my heart?You look like there’s a thunderstorm happening in there.”

He kissed my temple, and I turned onto my back.He was next to me, one foot on the floor, one knee on the bed, looking down at me.

“I like thunderstorms.”

He huffed.“Well, good.Can I undress you?”

“Yes.”

He pushed up my sweater and kissed my naked belly.His lips were feather soft, and my eyes drifted shut as I concentrated on his touch, his fingers tracing up my body until he could pull off my sweater.

“I dream of you sometimes,” he said.