Page 80 of Monsters in Love: Lost in the Stars

Kanzex

A sense of unease settled over me.

I couldn’t place my finger on it—at first, it was just a whisper, a fleeting thought. A passing sensation. But now, it gnawed at me, clawing at the edges of my mind, relentless. The crew, the ship—it all felt wrong. There were subtle shifts, things out of place. Missing equipment, strange markings near the fuel room, small sabotage that no one else seemed to notice.

I knew. I knew someone was tampering with my work. There was a force at play here—dark and malicious. It was as if everything around me was crumbling, like the walls of my sanity were slowly, methodically breaking down.

I had to be certain.

And then, there was her.

I thought of her constantly—those damn eyes, the soft way she spoke when she did speak, the cryptic smile that never quite touched her face. And her song. The way it hummed in the back of my skull, made me lose track of time, of thoughts, of everything but her.

But it wasn’t enough anymore, was it? The sterile, controlled atmosphere of her chambers, the carefully documented notes on her behavior—it wasn’t enough to explain her. There were answers I needed from her. Things I hadn’t figured out yet.

The whispers inside me told me it was time. I needed to pull the answers from her directly. I needed to touch her again.

I pushed open the door to her chamber, and the soft hum of the ship greeted me. She was sitting in the corner, her eyes closed, as if she was lost in thought, in some place I couldn’t reach. She hadn’t noticed me yet.

But I noticed her. Every time.

Her silence was maddening. Her aloofness, too. Was she really as untouchable as she seemed?

My heart pounded. I felt a stirring in the pit of my stomach, that pull, that desperate need. I had convinced myself for so long that this was about science—that it was about solving the mystery of her existence. But it wasn’t. It never had been.

I took a step forward, my breath shallow. I knew the risks, the consequences. Everyone warned me— everyone —that interacting with her too closely would lead to madness. That it would lead to ruin.

But the voices in my head, the whispering, maddening voices, were louder now. They told me she wanted me. She needed me. This wasn’t about the research anymore—it was about us .

I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop.

" Astraea ?" My voice cracked as I spoke, barely audible over the pounding of my heart.

Her eyes flickered open. Those eyes—those strange, luminous eyes. They locked onto mine, and for a moment, I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t look away. There was that magnetic pull again.

"Dr. Scil," she said my name softly, her voice like velvet, wrapping around me as she stood up to greet me. "You look… different tonight."

I swallowed hard, forcing the words out, though they felt clumsy and foreign. “I’m... I’m here to speak with you.” Without looking, I typed in the code to her chamber door.

“Speak with me?” Her voice was a curious blend of innocence and something I couldn’t put my finger on. She didn’t sound surprised, but more… knowing in the way she regarded me.

“I need to understand what you meant the last time we spoke, about not being prepared yet,” I said, stepping closer. “Your riddles do nothing but frustrate me with more questions. I need actual answers.”

Her lips parted slightly as if she was about to speak, but instead, she just watched me. There was no judgment in her gaze, no anger—just... soft and distant.

The silence stretched between us, but this time, it didn’t feel comforting. It felt like something was waiting for me to act, to do something.

I couldn’t stop myself. The thoughts racing through my mind were a blur. I reached out, hesitated just a second too long, and then, as if I had no control over my own body, I grabbed her and pulled her against my chest, relishing in the way she placed her hands against me.

I reached up to cup her cheek, and she didn’t pull away. She didn’t flinch. In fact, she leaned into it, her skin warm against my cold fingers.

A gasp caught in my throat as her soft skin sent a shock through my body. Every part of me screamed in response. This was it. This was what I needed.

“I—” I started, but my voice cracked. I couldn’t finish. There was no need to finish. She already knew. She knew what I needed. And she hadn’t pulled away. That had to mean something, right?

I leaned in closer, my breath heavy in my chest, as I looked into her eyes—those deep, infinite eyes. She was still, unmoving, as if she was waiting for me. She knew what was happening. She knew exactly what I was about to do.

Her lips parted slightly, a faint smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

“You think this will make it stop?” she asked, her voice like a low murmur that sent chills down my spine.

I froze. What did she mean by that? My heart pounded, confusion mixing with the fog of desire.

“I don’t…” I began, but the words faltered on my tongue. “I don’t know what you mean. I just— I need you. Please. I can’t?—”

Her hands still on my chest, traveled gently upward and I shivered at the movement. Her touch was like fire, searing through the fabric of my shirt, igniting something in me I had no control over.

“You can’t what, Kanzex?” she whispered, her voice so soft, so delicate . “You can’t control yourself?”

I couldn’t answer.

I couldn’t think.

I leaned in, just a hair away from kissing her. The entire world seemed to fall away. There was only her—her and the overwhelming need to claim her, to make her mine in every sense of the word. I wanted her, wanted her so badly it hurt.

And yet, in the back of my mind, a tiny, cautious warning flickered.

But I ignored it.

This was what I wanted. This was what I had come for.

And as I pressed my lips to hers, the rest of the world faded into oblivion.