Page 99 of Monster

“I still need the pain. That has never changed, and I don’t think it ever will.” Her words confuse me. That is the last thing I was expecting her to say but before I can open my mouth to respond, she keeps going.

“Thatthingyou feel inside if you? I know it. I fucking feel it too.” She glances up at me through her lashes before dropping her gaze to her arm. She lifts her arm slightly to indicate what she means. I shift my gaze from her to her right arm, and we both stare at the letters forever carved into her skin.I automatically lift my scarred left arm and hold it next to hers.

A creep and a monster.

“I know it’s going to take a while to get back to where we were…” she trails off, her voice breaking our trance, and I tense. “Well, maybe not where we were, but better this time. I need pain and you need to hurt me. It’s unconventional and frankly really fucked up,” she chuckles quietly, and my lips kick up in a small smirk.

She drags her gaze from her arm and stares into my eyes. Eyes which seem so fucking clear, so fucking sure. “We’re fucked up, Vincent. That’s purely who we are, who we have always been. But I think we can take those ugly parts of ourselves and survive the demons together.”

Her words hit me like a punch in the fucking gut. She doesn’t want to leave, and she still needs me to hurt her…

“We’re so disturbed,” I mutter, and she laughs next to me, her eyes crinkling with happiness. Real, true fucking happiness. Essa’s hand finds my own as we both look back out at the trees. A sense of calm washes over me, and all the pain I have been harboring over the last months begins to diminish. I know it will never fucking go away, but maybe with Essa by my side, I can survive it.

“Yeah, Vin. Yeah, we fucking are.”